TSG — An “erratic” Ohio man who was “acting like a gorilla” and “masturbating on the sidewalk” is facing a disorderly conduct charge, according to police.
Responding to 911 calls about a pair of “white males running around the lot taking off their clothes,” Warren City Police Department cops Friday morning encountered Timothy Cook, 32, who reportedly had been “growling and punching the cement.”
Cook, a witness told officers, had entered a state motor vehicles office and began waving his arms around. He then exited the building and “began masturbating on the sidewalk,” according to a police report.
When a cop subsequently approached Cook, the suspect was sweating profusely and “acting like a gorilla.” Cook, an officer noted, was “squatting on all fours, punching the blacktop and jumping up and down screaming noncoherently.” …
Cook was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.
I’m glad The Smoking Gun included the reference to the dear, departed Harambe. Because if it didn’t, I would. This is what the Cincinnati Zoo didn’t take into account when it told everyone to stop making Harambe references and shut down its Twitter account in frustration. We all mourn in different ways.
Some of us create memes, sell T-shirts or write blogs, while others drown their pain in booze and pills, make a scene in a government office, pound our fists into the pavement and then masturbate. Now, technically I suppose you could argue that my boy Timothy Cook was in fact acting like a different ape — bonobos are particularly fond of pleasuring themselves and don’t care who’s watching — but I’m going with the police account that he was going gorilla on everyone. And that it was the grief of dealing with Harambe’s untimely demise that was his trigger.
It could happen to the best of us, so let’s try to offer Timothy some understanding and support in this rough time for us all. If he’s guilty of anything, it’s loving Harambe too much.
P.S. The “… while intoxicated” at the end of that excerpt is one of the most unnecessary phrases ever included in a news story.