New Red Sox pitcher Wade Miley says the Diamondbacks tried to force him to go gluten free. (Doug Pensinger/ Getty Images)
AZCentral – Wade Miley doesn’t want to upset anyone with the Diamondbacks. He … says he has no hard feelings. But he also sounded annoyed on Tuesday when addressing questions about his preparation habits, about concerns the Diamondbacks apparently had that might have played a part in him eventually being traded to the Boston Red Sox last week. … [For] weeks leading up to the deal, there were indications the Diamondbacks weren’t happy with something about Miley’s work habits and/or preparation. The team’s concerns swirled through enough baseball circles that they eventually made their way to Miley himself. … Miley said he didn’t want to go into specifics about his diet but did make a passing reference about not being gluten free. He said he wished the team were more willing to tailor its approach toward individuals rather than having everyone doing the same things. “It might work for some people, but I didn’t feel like it worked for me,” he said. “I did what I felt like I needed to do to pitch every five days.”
For starters let me be up front and admit I’m partial to fat guy athletes. Some of my favorite all time Red Sox players were, to put it kindly, portly gentlemen — Luis Tiant, Mo Vaughn, Curt Schilling and David Ortiz. There’s just something about plus-size ballplayers that makes them relatable humans. Show me a guy who is no stranger to the postgame spread but can still deliver in the clutch, and he’s already got an early lead in the Folk Hero Sweepstakes. Which is why Wade Miley is instantly, without even throwing a pitch in a Sox uniform, making a fan out of me.
That said, what the hell is wrong with the Arizona Diamondbacks? Is this what America has come to? We’re going to have ballclubs falling in love with every stupid diet fad that comes along?
I mean, what is with this War on Bread? It used to be the most universally admired food on Earth. Your staple of the food groups. The subject of half the verses in the Bible, beloved by young and old alike and now we’re treating it like it’s Ebola. Remember the Atkins’ ridiculousness? People you worked with were having a half pound of deli roast beef and calling that a lunch? Or the South Beach nonsense that was supposed to be a little more reasonable, but still basically outlawed the poor? Well those diets look like a cruise ship buffet compared to this anti-gluten hatred and now the mania is seeping into our pro sports leagues to further erode our culture. It’s wrong.
We used to make steel, big cars and major league ballplayers in this country. We were once a nation built by real men who lived off of gluten. They carved Chrysler 440 cubic inch engines out of solid blocks of metal, ate a great big plate of gluten with gluten on the side and extra lactose on top, thanks. We had great pitchers who did likewise, smoked, drank, seduced women, won wars and then hiked their pants up over their overhanging bellies, took the ball and made 40 starts a year.
Now we’ve got major league teams forcing their pitchers to eat salads? It’s a sad day for America. But at least I’ve got my new boy Wade Miley, who’s more than welcome in my book. Welcome to Boston, Wade. Have a clam chowder in a bread bowl and a couple of beers on me. You’re among friends now.