With Brady's legal team filing another appeal today, Glen, Lou and Christian look into how the Patriots will do if Brady is forced to miss the first four games, and how realistic it would be to trade Garoppolo after those four games.

According to Women’s Health Magazine, May is International masturbation month. And to commemorate it, they cite a study done by sex toy company We-Vibe on the masturbation habits of adult Americans. One semi-surprising thing We-Vibe’s team of crack scientists learned is that people don’t crank it to celebrities as much as you think, with only 19 percent of women saying they work out at the Y and 33 percent of men saying they Hitchhike to the Moon while thinking about pop stars.

Here is the top 20 celebrity spank list:

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Carrie Underwood
3. Jennifer Lawrence
4. Jessica Alba
5. Channing Tatum
6. Emma Watson
7. Kim Kardashian
8. Megan Fox
9. Selena Gomez
10. Taylor Swift
11. Ryan Gosling
12. Adam Levine
13. Beyonce
14. Janet Mason
15. Jenna Haze
16. Jennifer Aniston
17. Jensen Ackles
18. Johnny Depp
19. Justin Timberlake
20. Kate Upton

Here are my takeaways:

— For starters, this list exposes what I’ve always said about how women lie when they say what they’re attracted to. Ask any chick what they like in a guy and they’ll mention brains, sense of humor, personality. But look at the six guys on this list. Tatum, Gosling, Levine, some soap opera actor, Depp and Timberlake. All of them handsome. Most of them tall, fit muscular. If what women say is true, this list would be filled with Jonah Hills, John C. Reillys, Louis CKs and Zach Galifinakises. Not that there’s a thing wrong with being attracted to super attractive guys like Channing Tatum. But just own it, the way men do. There’s not a Melissa McCarthy on here because men are comfortable admitting we’re shallow and want to have sex with pretty women.

— Janet Mason and Jenna Haze are porn actresses, which automatically disqualifies them from this list. Of course men Whip Up a Batch to them; that’s their job. Putting them on here is like making a list of celebrities we like to watch play golf and including Jordan Spieth.

— There is nothing on Earth more disposable than the female celebrity sex object. Typically they’ve got the shelf life of a tub of yogurt, so you’ve got to admire any of them with staying power. Lopez, Alba, Beyonce’ and Aniston were filling the socks of teenage boys in the ’90s, reinvented themselves a few times, stayed on top and outlasted a thousand other Flavors of the Month. They’re the Jaromir Jagrs of sex fantasies.

— Emma Watson is lovely and a mature, grown woman. Still. There’s not a man who put her on this list that on some level should feel guilty about doing it to Hermoine Grainger.

— Every time Kim Kardashian makes a list of this sort, I weep for my country.

— I did note that there’s not one blogger, sports radio co-host, book author or stand up comic on the list. I’m sure I just missed the cut.

— One man’s list of the toughest omissions: Scarlet Johannsen, Jessica Biel, Emilia Clarke, Kate Beckinsale, Mila Kunis, Olivia Munn and Sofia Vergara. Feel free to tell me who I missed in the comments section.

Happy International masturbation month, everybody.

DraftKings Baseball is in full swing and you can be a part of the action all season long at DraftKings! Play for FREE in the $10K fantasy baseball contest TODAY with your first deposit. Just draft two pitchers and eight position players, stay under the salary cap and outscore the competition to turn your love of baseball into CASH! To draft your team today, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

 

Kirk rants about Gerry being Corporate Callahan and commands Paul to shut Gerry's mic off.

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From Tom Brady’s latest appeal of his Deflategate suspension: “This case arises from an arbitration ruling by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell that defies the rule of law. …

“When Brady exercised his right under the collective bargaining agreement to appeal the punishment to an arbitrator, Goodell appointed himself as the arbitrator and ‘affirmed’ the punishment he had just imposed.

“Goodell’s self-affirming ‘appeal’ ruling must be reversed.

“Even though his arbitral authority was limited to hearing appeals of disciplinary decisions, Goodell ‘affirmed’ Brady’s punishment based on different grounds that were not the basis for his original disciplinary decision. Nor did Goodell mention or discuss the collectively bargained penalties for equipment-related violations — the core of Brady’s defense.”

Holy crap. This is Ted Olson’s first time stepping onto the mat in this little karate tournament, sweeping the leg and putting the members of NFL dojo in a body bag.

This is obviously why Ted Olson makes the big billable hours. There’s no need to try to educate a star chamber of federal appeals judges on the Ideal Gas Law or whether a slightly squishy football is easier to throw. These guys spend all day every day with their noses in dusty law books obsessing over legal minutiae. So Olson hits them where they live.

He comes right out swinging with the fact Roger Goodell broke the law, period.

Goodell is a despot who made himself judge, jury, witch hunter, executioner and arbiter and in our America, you can’t get away with that, period. If you do, as Olson argues, you’ll hurt all union workers “who have bargained for appeals rights as a protection – not as an opportunity for management to salvage a deficient disciplinary action by conjuring up new grounds for the punishment.”

Boom. That is the sound of Ted Olson hitting Goodell, soon to be followed by the sound of Goodell hitting the canvas. And it is sweet music to the sound of Patriots fans who have never stopped Defending the Wall, even with Deflategate about to reach its 5ooth day.

Tom Brady does everything first class all the way. From comfortable footwear to presidential candidates, from maple-bound cookbooks to high quality mattresses, he spares no expense and gets nothing but the very best. And so far it’s pretty clear he hired the Tom Brady of federal appeals lawyers.

DraftKings Baseball is in full swing and you can be a part of the action all season long at DraftKings! Play for FREE in the $10K fantasy baseball contest TODAY with your first deposit. Just draft two pitchers and eight position players, stay under the salary cap and outscore the competition to turn your love of baseball into CASH! To draft your team today, CLICK

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Brady lawyer, Ted Olson, speaks about the latest Deflategate news on GMA and Gerry reads Larry King's latest Kings Things.
Ortiz, Bogaerts, and Jackie Bradley Jr are all MVP candidates. Chili Davis should be too.
Elizabeth Warren gave the commencement speech at Suffolk University and celebrities get paid a lot to give these speeches.

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Jorge Zambrano used his pit bull as a weapon against police so the guys discuss whether or not all pit bulls are dangerous.
The killer of the Auburn police officer was killed after a police manhunt.