There’s nothing like a Roger Goodell interview to make you long for the days when Roger Goodell wasn’t giving interviews.
Remember those halycon days when the Commissioner’s silence was golden? When his crooked attorneys were being kicked down the steps of every courthouse they went to, their designer briefcases flying open and the legal briefs full of lies blowing in the wind? Those were good times because Goodell would skulk back to his bunker on Park Avenue and not see the light of day for months.
But now that he’s finally got a victory, you can get rid of the guy. He’s tweeting like Kanye off his meds. He’s on TV more than Michael Strahan. Ted Cruz couldn’t get this much attention if he announced he’s getting gender reassignment surgery.
Unfortunately, he’s delivering the same old tired, pre-programmed, robotspeak. Apparently we’re still a long way from developing lifelike, “Blade Runner”-style replicants because you don’t need the Voght-Kampf Test
to tell Goodell isn’t really human. Process. Negotiated. Independent. Buzz. Process. Click. Whistle. Fairness. Same words, same witch hunt, different day.
Still, I have to give a stick tap to my girl Norah O’Donnell for giving the Commissionerbot and this whole steaming mess he created the lack of respect they both deserve. If he could register emotions, you know he would have been uncomfortable when she mocked him about blowing $20 million on Deflategate. Just by the way he asked her to repeat the question to work on his answer you could tell he didn’t see it coming. CBS is a “broadcast partner” to Goodell’s empire, so I imagine she’ll end up in whatever prison camp they hauled Kelly Naqi off to and Norah will be never heard from again. But it was worth it.
Now the only question is when Goodell will decide he’s had enough of teabagging Patriots fans in the face and go back into hiding. Because if this is the “transparency” he’s always talking about, bring back opaqueness.
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