How did Brent Musburger put it when he made the cat call that launched Katherine Webb into superstardom? “I’m telling you, you quarterbacks, you get all the good looking women.” And of course he was correct. But then again, there’s your garden variety Quarterback Girlfriend Hotness, then there’s Three-Time Super Bowl MVP Quarterback Hotness, which is a different level altogether. Only two men have ever achieved that height, and only two QBs can claim to have wives like Gisele and Jennifer Montana.
And this photo illustrates Musburger’s creepy, leering but totally understandable point. This is why the best of the best aspire to greatness. This is why they pay the price. This is why the clock in Brady’s gym is already counting down to Super bowl 51. So that when he’s his boyhood hero’s age, he’ll also be running with arm candy of Jennifer Montana quality.
As a final note, if I could trade places with anyone in this picture, is it weird that I’d most want to be Gisele?
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell held a press conference during Super Bowl week where he answered mostly staged questions. Tom E. Curran actually got to ask a real question about the new PSI testing data, but Goodell didn't bother to answer him.
Once again, and on the biggest stage, Mike Carey was wrong about a coach's challenge. Glenn, Lou and Christian rip Carey and talk about how he was never heard from again.
[0:01:29] ... here and what we got to rule. Unless we miss something most CamNewton was really brilliant and really good that post game press conference was not an embarrassing moment for him. Arm then how do you how was that the commentary post game. We you're defending CamNewtonCamNewton was the MVP of the season it was on cam new is out. It was his duty to go up there and ... [0:02:40] ... Yeah I don't know I don't wanna I'm sure noticeable need the SuperBowl opponent last year the brutal march would have brutal martian. And the Nicole today and not identical it and not to do ... [0:03:34] ... the beginning right. And that might carry it looked like I was CarolinaPanthers receiver here Cotchery caught with a Cotchery. Caught up all that around. I thought he caught it's like up Mike Terry we have a joint. But I think that he called it right except I did too. So what might carry an accident he's going to be wrong with the but it didn't matter what her chair. Edward under the test until I like Terry's. It. Ruling on the field incomplete pass let's bring in Mike Carey who was the referee a SuperBowl 42 what do you see here might I think good good good challenge by Carolina. The receiver goes out he's going to ... [0:08:36] ... we're gonna get right back to you focus really get it to TomBrady. Wasn't nice Tom. Flew all the way out there the senate Claire to get recognized by the the 70000 in attendance will ...
This year’s Super Bowl ads, like the game itself, were a crushing disappointment for the most part.
The once proud American institution continued its steady decline of recent years, either falling back on tired, shopworn cliches or trying so hard to be edgy that they just came off as desperate and weird. Still, while it wasn’t the best year, there were a few bright spots. Having compiled the data from an exhaustive, highly scientific survey (I asked the friends I had over to grade them on a scale of one to 10), here are the top five best and worst ads of the night:
T-Mobile’s “Drop the Balls”
Sure, this was utterly predictable given that celebrity-shaming is a Super Bowl ad tradition unlike any other. But Steve Harvey earned the humiliation.Budweiser’s “Drink Responsibly”
I’m just going to come right out and say it: Helen Mirren is hot.
Doritos’ “Ultra Sound”
Simply put, the funniest one of the night.
Amazon’s “Baldwin Bowl”
They had me at Alec Baldwin. There is simply no one on TV better at playing off his own exaggerated pomposity than him.
Avocados from Mexico’s “AVOS in Space”
Avocados are on a roll, following up last year’s NFL draft parody with this. And Scott Baio takes home the coveted “Has Been Celebrity Willing to Humiliate Himself” award.
Xifaxan’s “Talking Intestines”
What part of the digestive system do you think that mouth is, exactly? Hint: You don’t want to kiss this thing on the lips.
As I said when this one dropped last week, I’m a grown man and I refuse to accept the circumstances by which my parents conceived me. How does the NFL think 8-and 9-year olds should be singing about it?
Opioid-Induced Constipation’s “Envy”
I’ve just spent the day horking down chips, meatballs and chili. The last thing I need to hear about is this guy’s plumbing being backed up.
Jublia’s “Fight It”
Irritable bowels, constipation and toenail fungus? Was this a Super Bowl or a MeTV daytime marathon of “Murder She Wrote”?
Mountain Dew’s “Puppymonkeybaby”
Granted, it wasn’t that sick insurance company one last year with the kid talking about being dead. But this was an advertiser trying way too hard to be clever. Don Draper would have killed this one at the pitch stage. But in 2016, this is what makes it all the way to the Super Bowl. I weep for my country.
The top stories of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane.
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