On Monday, adult film legend and uber sports fan Lisa Ann went on “Morning Men” with Evan Cohen and Mike Babchik on SiriusXM Mad Dog Sports Radio and talked about covering Super Bowl 50. Among the soul-baring revelations she made was the fact that Emmanuel Sanders is the player she’d most like to cook dinner for (which could be a euphemism or literally mean she wants to prepare a meal for him, my pornspeak is rusty) and this little gem:
“I got FaceTimed by both teams before the game started. I was pretty excited about that. I’m not telling you that! I kind of got in with that. I was really happy that I showered and looked decent when I got these FaceTimes. I got a FaceTime yesterday from the field right before the game from my friend who you remember, [Broncos tight end] Jeff Heuerman, who got injured at the beginning of training camp and didn’t get to play this season. I can’t count him because he didn’t play, is that correct?”
Unfortunately she did not say who from the Panthers FaceTimed her (which also could be a euphemism, but I’m guessing she meant the video calling option), but unless it also was someone on injured reserve, that is not a good look for Carolina. I mean, I know boys will be boys, but you’d like to think that just before the biggest game of their lives they’re focused on installing last-minute plays and going over the silent snap count, not calling the star of “Nailin’ Palin” and “Breast in Class 2: Counterfeit Racks.” Call me a purist.
Anyway, it would explain a lot. I don’t know how you go out and win a football game when guys on your team are FaceTiming with porn superstars right before kickoff. Unless she’s promising “dinner” for someone on the champions, which would be a hell of an incentive. And if that’s the case, I’d look right into the camera after the game and yell, “I’m going to Lisa Ann’s house for a nice home-cooked meal!!!”
Former Lakers and Timberwolves coach Kurt Rambis will step in as interim coach for the remainder of the season. While he will have a chance to earn the head coaching position, there are a number of outside candidates the Knicks may be taking a hard look at.
One name that is thrown around with just about every coaching vacancy in the NBA is former Celtics assistant and Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau. There’s also former Nuggets coach Brian Shaw, whom Jackson reportedly preferred over Fisher but could not hire because Shaw already had a job at the time.
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So while you were kicking back Sunday, enjoying a terrible football game, watching a subpar selection of ads and waiting for Peyton Manning to shamelessly whore himself out to major pizza and beer conglomerates, this is what feminist group NARAL was doing. Watching every commercial through the context of how it destroys the cause of female equality. And as you can see from these tweets, it took some major squinting to even see the ads through a worldview this narrow.
To review: Portraying a hungry, cranky Marilyn Monroe as William Dafoe is damaging to transgendered people. If you suggest an unborn baby likes Doritos, you’re being anti-choice. Mashing up the Odell Beckham Jr. catch with the common, traditional practice of catching a wedding bouquet is demeaning to women. And the mere suggestion grown women get sexually aroused by Ryan Reynolds is hate speech.
This is just further proof, as if we needed it, that no one can hurt a cause more than someone who supports it but is an idiot and a zealot about it. I don’t care where you fall on the issue, there’s not one woman in America who’s going to be denied an abortion because a cartoon fetus in a Super Bowl ad jumped out of its mother’s birth canal to go after some orange, triangular snack treats. And that legitimately funny spot no more “humanizes” fetuses than the Mountain Dew ad “humanizes” puppymonkeybabies.
But in an odd way, as delusional and misguided at the people who tweeted this nonsense out are, I sort of envy them. It must be easier to go through life as the self-appointed Fun Police. To evaluate everything you see, hear, touch, smell and taste not by whether it appeals to you or not, but by how much it offends you. To give up any pretense of whether anything is enjoyable and just focus on the extent to which it furthers your particular cause. I’d think that would be liberating. And a much simpler path to take through life as opposed to being entertained and trying to entertain others. I mean, sure, you run the risk of overreaching, looking ridiculous and setting your cause back decades. But I suppose that just gives you more to be offended about.
TUESDAY’S BROADCAST HIGHLIGHTS: NHL: Kings at Bruins, 7 p.m. (NESN) NHL: Stars at Wild, 8 p.m. (NBCSN)
NBA: Celtics at Bucks, 8 p.m. (CSNNE)
NBA: Spurs at Heat, 8 p.m. (TNT)
NBA: Rockets at Warriors, 10:30 p.m. (TNT) College basketball: North Carolina at Boston College, 8 p.m. (NESN Plus) College basketball: Pittsburgh at Miami, 7 p.m. (ESPNU)
College basketball: Michigan State at Purdue, 7 p.m. (ESPNU)
College basketball: West Virginia at Kansas, 7 p.m. (ESPN2)
College basketball: Cincinnati at UCF, 7 p.m. (ESPNews)
College basketball: Xavier at Creighton, 8 p.m. (CBSSN)
College basketball: Villanova at DePaul, 8:30 p.m. (FS1)
College basketball: Texas-Arlington at Texas State, 8:30 p.m. (ESPN2)
College basketball: New Mexico at Utah State, 10 p.m. (CBSSN)
Soccer: FA Cup, Liverpool at Wes Ham, 2:30 p.m. (FS1)
AROUND THE WEB:
— A day after a dull Super Bowl, much of the talk in NFL circles centered around Cam Newton‘s obnoxious behavior in the postgame interview area. Sadly for the NFL, that storyline had to have been preferable to the other options, as the league’s players got a jump-start on their annual offseason legal problems.
Taking the early lead for most disgraceful behavior is soon-to-be ex-Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel, whose former girlfriend’s affidavit regarding their recent domestic incident was made public Monday.
“Fearful for my life, I hit [Manziel] several times, hoping I could back out of the car,” she said in the affidavit, adding that Manziel “threw me off of him and I hit my head on the car window and I fell into the passenger floorboard.”
The incident started in his hotel room shortly before 2 a.m. on Jan. 30. Crowley said that after they argued, Manziel restrained her and led her downstairs to the car. She said she asked the valet for help but he did offer assistance.
The authorities announced Friday, after Crowley spoke with Dallas police, that they are investigating a domestic violence complaint against Manziel.
According to police and media reports, McCoy was with three friends when his group got into an argument with the officers over a misunderstanding about a bottle of champagne. One officer ended up with a broken nose and broken ribs, while the other received stitches and had a possible skull fracture.
“Certainly over a bottle of champagne, nothing warrants an assault like this,” police Lt. John Stanford said.
McCoy was traded from the Eagles to the Bills last offseason. In a statement, the Bills said they were aware of the report and were investigating.
Young, who played for the Orioles last season — his fifth team in 10 seasons — allegedly called the attendant a “stupid Cuban” as he grabbed his neck because the man denied Young access to a closed elevator.
Young was arrested at his condominium, which is located in the hotel’s rear tower, after acting belligerent toward an officer. He was charged with battery.
This is not Young’s first brush with the law. In 2012 he was suspended seven days by the league after being arrested in New York City following a late-night dispute in which he was accused of yelling anti-Semitic epithets. He later pleaded guilty to aggravated harassment.
The first overall pick in the 2003 draft, Young started his career with the Devil Rays in 2006. During a minor league stint that season, he was suspended 50 games after flinging his bat into an umpire after a strikeout.
ON THIS DAY TRIVIA (answer below): On Feb. 9, 1991, which Celtics player won the slam dunk competition at the NBA’s All-Star Weekend?
In this debut episode, WEEI's Minihane talks to Barstool Sports founder David Portnoy about selling his stake in Barstool to The Chernin Group, moving operations to New York City, future content plans and his most controversial moments.