We close our show out with the best soundbites from around the world today.
We close our show out with the best soundbites from around the world today.

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[0:03:10] ... this is the wrong crowd to be talking to that won the Super Bowl never. I like they never want a piece of verbal so and from my mistake you know what in the Arizona media ...
[0:08:05] ... guy's not happy about the man. Former Red Sox or cubs pitcher John Lackey. Lackey on the planet to Wheaton to back the Arab Arabs. No room. All right. Now elementary. School in its boys and ...
[0:10:58] ... cosa. Are you ashamed of X who you coach a lot of local schools. Why didn't matter because she's just someone bent on us because why would you call irate about the fact that if you ...

No city does Irishness like Boston. (Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

No city does Irishness like Boston. (Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

The following is a column I wrote several years ago for an early paper edition of Barstool Sports, printed in its entirety:

It’s almost St. Patrick’s Day again in the city of Boston. For the hundreds of thousands of out-of-towners living here, it’s the one day of the year they spend hanging out amongst the city’s Irish, acting like the city’s Irish, but mostly trying to figure out what in holy hell we’re all about. Well, I’m here to help.
The one thing that’s got to be the most surprising when you’re not from around here is just how Irish Boston is. No matter what godforsaken part of the country you’re from, you’ve seen “Good Will Hunting” and “The Departed,” you know about the Kennedys and seen the green hats in the stands at Red Sox games, so you knew there was, let’s call it, that “element” here. But there’s no way you could’ve realized the extent of the town’s Irishness.

And it’s not limited to the city. I live on the South Shore. One of the towns near me, Scituate, is part of an area affectionately known as “The Irish Riviera.” Last fall when I was headed to a Notre Dame game in South Bend, a Scituate guy I know told me when I got there to look in the Indianapolis phone book. He said there are exactly four Sullivans in Indy, the nation’s 12th-largest city. Scituate has 40. My point is, as long as you’re living here, you won’t be able to swing a dead cat without hitting an Irishman, so you might as well try to understand us.

You’ve seen the movies. You know that we’re supposed to be a bunch of colorful, working-class rogues who love to hang out in bars knocking back pints with our obnoxious buddies. And I could bitch about the stereotyping, but I won’t. Everyone I know loved “Good Will Hunting” because we all grew up with people exactly like the guys in the movie. Even with respect to Matt Damon’s math skills. Not that I know a ton of guys who can work the Fibonacci sequence, but I know plenty who can keep the pot straight in a 4 a.m. poker game with three guys drawing light. Bleepfaced. Let’s see an MIT guy try that.

It’s horribly politically incorrect to say it, but almost every stereotype has some basis in truth. I don’t want to be responsible for a string of hate crimes. I don’t want anyone getting beaten up because someone read in Barstool that all Belgians drive slow or all Australians are good basketball players or all Tibetans are cheap or anything like that. But generally speaking, most of the Irishmen I know are very much like you think they are.

With one major exception: the St. Patty’s Day parade. Sorry to disappoint, but in spite of what you’ll hear, we’re not all knee-walking drunk and puking in the storm drains. It’s a family event, period. Sure we’re drinking; that’s not Dr. Pepper we’ve got in those plastic cups. But every year over a million people line the parade route, there’s like one arrest, but The Boston Globe and the local TV news manage to make it sound like the parade scene from “Animal House.” This parade is my people marching for tolerance and acceptance. We’re here/ We have beer/ Get used to it.

I grew up in Weymouth, but I’m OFD. (If you have to ask what that means, you’re definitely not from around here.) There were 60 kids in my elementary school grade, and I think everyone of them was Irish Catholic. The most ethnic kid in my class was my buddy Roger, who was a WASP, something he labored mightily to explain to me. I remember asking, “Wait, so you don’t have CCD? You don’t go to St. Francis, you go to that little church near your house? What’s with that?”

You grow up Irish around here and you’re raised to understand the whole mythology of the Boston Irish. How your ancestors came to Massachusetts with less than nothing to escape the Potato Famine. The “Irish need not apply” signs. Everyone’s great grandfather who did some crap job that no one else would do. (In my case, it was my mom’s dad, who hauled dead bodies around for the Boston coroner’s office, which I imagine in the 1920s was slightly less glamorous than “CSI: Miami.”) How the Irish stuck together and gained political influence and started helping their own get government jobs. Good jobs, not just lugging corpses around. Then you heard the whole history of JFK and what it meant to your folks to have one of their own in the White House. (How’d that work out anyway? And you wonder why we’ve got a chip on our shoulders.)

That’s the Boston Irishman in a nutshell. Working class. Works hard. Plays hard. Someone who was taught to embrace his history. Who knows where he came from. Proud. Tough.Usually politically connected. And has zero tolerance for boring people and blue-blood snobs.

Of course, not all Harpies are alike. There are levels of Boston Irishness:

Light green: Irish in name only. This guy is originally from out of state. Now lives in the suburbs. A private-sector, white-collar guy who either works at one of the law firms or a financial institution. St. Patrick’s to him means breaking out the green tie and the shamrock flag for the front of the house. Also on St. Patty’s, his wife will dress the kids in green for school, though the school’s diversity policy celebrates every culture but the Irish.

Mint green: Me. Moved out of the city as a kid. Either has a government job or knows someone who does, especially cops. Likes a pint, but around the age of 30 developed a taste for Jameson’s. MP3 player is full of Dropkick Murphys and The Saw Doctors. Drinks in suburban places with neon shamrocks in the window. Hopes to visit the Auld Sod someday, but is saving for Disney. Might know someone who can get you off jury duty.

Hunter green: Family stayed in Dorchester. Thinks the South Shore is the Cape. Knows every Irish bar in the city. Isn’t happy this year’s St. Patrick’s Day falls on Saturday, because it’s a Suffolk County holiday and he’d normally have it off anyway. On St. Pat’s, “The Leprechaun” leaves gifts for his kids like he’s the Easter bunny. Has drank his way across Ireland several times.

Shamrock green: Lived in Southie since birth. If he’s not like one of the guys in “The Departed,” he sure knows guys like them. A huge hockey fan. Everyone he knows has a nickname like Sully, Cliffy, Knotzie or Fitz. Wears a scally cap. Read “Black Mass” and knew everyone in it personally. Has a tattoo of a shamrock or a harp. Drinks Guinness.

Kelly green: Usually an older guy. Identifies locations by “parishes,” as in, “I grew up over in St. Marks.” Can meet you and within a minute connect you to someone he knows, usually a state worker. Never misses the obituaries (“the Irish sports pages”) and goes to three wakes a week.

Emerald green: This is the genuine article. A true Mick, who no matter how many generations removed he his, still has an Irish accent. Can find a rugby match on TV any hour of the day. Doesn’t say much because he’s so well connected. Puts salt in his beer to keep a head on it. Could probably have you arrested, whacked, or get you a job.

So happy St. Patrick’s Day. This should give you some idea of who you’re celebrating it with. How you like them apples?


Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

I can think of no more appropriate way to close up shop and light the drinking lamp on St. Paddy’s Day than one of the top ten YouTube clips of all time. From “Everybody say ‘YEAH’!” guy to the lady who speculates the leprechaun might be crackhead to the guy with the shadow theory to the one in the camo with the leprechaun flute that was passed down from his Irish ancestors, and of course, that artist’s rendering of the creature they’re looking for. It’s just so full of win, nothing else will do. This video is a tradition at my alma mater, Barstool, and I never want to forget my roots.


Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
In the wake of the Chandler Jones trade, Fox Sports dug up an old comment from Ty Law stating the Patriots give up too many players. OMF addresses the confusion FS1 created.
CSNNE's Chris Mannix joins OMF to talk all things Celtics as well as soon to be free agent, Kevin Durant. Could Boston be a realistic destination for Durant?

[0:01:24] ... take kids on the chances of Kevin who ran. Play for the Boston Celtics and and that I can. Anywhere. Where I think Kevin is in this process and he's very much in the back finding ...
[0:02:03] ... twofold what we've ever pick another team if he does decide. Believe Oklahoma City which you know or not lose of course. Forty because this side go in the Eastern Conference is going to have a pretty big and went there because Eastern Conference is the kind of a match. Where's the western golf going to be tough to stop for years become the second is. Kevin Love stability you want to go to organizations. That not a a proverbial dumpster fire that's why you like the knicks. With a net for the Washington Wizards just aren't options for him right now Bob as great stability at the top with any means we've been in power for a decade. Right even looked like looked like it going to be there for decades longer at this all the stability bought. Ads in addition to a young talent is very appealing to Kevin Durant felt I think Durant you in the coming months. You know will at least consider Boston if you decide they built it. We'll tell me why Chris what why would you leave Oklahoma City we know financially obviously the give them more money is pictures we I've given this organization for five years here to try ...
[0:03:29] ... up. I in the summer of 2017. But make no mistake he Oklahoma City Thunder. Are still very much the leader in the club out here you saw the team that they put on the floor ...
[0:04:03] ... is that the pitched the stability the coach the ownership. Stability ownership Eastern Conference young team on the arrived financial flexibility. We can get guys featuring eight we're gonna pursue. You know players like Al Horford. ...

The Celtics were blown out last night by Kevin Durant and the OKC Thunder. As the season winds down, focus shifts to pending free agent, Kevin Durant. Can Boston be an appealing destination for Durant?

[0:01:32] ... it went on last night's game but I wouldn't say that if Isiah Thomas was out and Jake Trotter was healthy. The new routes that's a big loss as well we Suzuki who scored you know ...
[0:09:09] ... With K teeple. It was sixteen because they'll people were noting it Kevin Correia. We did I believe was when that the Celtics and then and the Brooklyn nets within nets came back the Boston. In the patriot be to KG in the paid tribute to Paul Pierce and get accurate tweeting. We watched that game at night tweet their game talking to vote. You're the fan base the legacy no great it was to see tribute to those two players and and just talked about the garden in the fans I think that you duck boat traditional to go back that far he's talking about what you said Paul Pierce and KG and now the city took them it. That's a good luck. I think he's one of these people from. What ...
[0:14:58] ... in the draft last year and they still soft and they have Carmelo Anthony admitted they don't have the flexibility that some of the that the Celtics up. It is a very tough situation that they ...

The NFL offseason rolls on as the Patriots trade for former Chicago Bears TE, Martellus Bennett. OMF discusses the acquisition of the enigmatic Bennett and what this means for the Pats offense.

[0:03:56] ... was played tight and right the only guy that likely will last Mike Williams not that I don't know read you latitude type. And federal what you do point one it would get there and her ...
[0:04:44] ... four year deal one million dollars or you want more money than John Fox comes into different regime. They start you know playing Zach Miller more so it's fine he's like are no big deal. But ...
[0:20:50] ... find a spot he's claimed aflame in Chicago. Was not an out Aaron Rodgers of the game because that almost rivaling that Italy they knock them out of the game that's what they're happy. Yes yeah ...


Tuesday, Chicago White Sox first baseman Adam LaRoche announced that he was retiring from baseball after team president Ken Williams asked him to bring his 14-year-old son Drake around the clubhouse a little bit less. Not never. Not a lot less. Just slightly less. Then Fox Sports Ken Rosenthal spoke to Williams, who explained his side this way:

“I asked Adam, said, ‘Listen, our focus, our interest, our desire this year is to make sure we give ourselves every opportunity to focus on a daily basis on getting better. All I’m asking you to do with regard to bringing your kid to the ballpark is dial it back.’

“I don’t think he should be here 100 percent of the time – and he has been here 100 percent, every day, in the clubhouse. I said that I don’t even think he should be here 50 percent of the time. Figure it out, somewhere in between.”

A few points about this. The first is that Adam LaRoche is free to do whatever the hell Adam LaRoche wants. If he opts to walk away because it’s not worth it to him to play baseball for $13 million if means being with Drake less than 100 percent of the time, that’s his right that brave men have fought and died for. More power to him.

Second, just because he has the freedom to quit baseball over this doesn’t make him right. Or Ken Williams wrong. For 13 million bucks, your boss ought to have the right to tell you to dial it back a bit on having your kid around. Especially when you’re a first baseman who hit .207 last year with 12 HR, 44 RBI and slugged .340. And yes, performance absolutely factor into this. If you want to have the juice to dictate who and who won’t be hanging out in the clubhouse 24/7, you’d better be someone management is afraid of alienating. And .207 hitters don’t intimidate anyone.

What I don’t understand is what Williams did wrong here. Apparently the White Sox players have all taken LaRoche’s side and to hear the reports, Drake is the kindest, nicest, most enjoyable 14-year-old to be around since Jesus what hitting his freshman year at Nazareth High. But can we put any stock in that? I mean, what are the Sox players going to say? “I find the kid really annoying and besides, I don’t want a co-worker’s teenager around when we’re sitting around swapping groupie stories”? Asking someone about another person’s kid is like asking if a dress makes you look fat. There’s only one answer to the question. And the White Sox players are giving it.

The fact is, nobody’s 14-year-old is someone adults want to be around all the time. By any clinical definition, every kid that age can objectively be considered insane. I mean that. They check every box on the mental health checklist. And I don’t care if we’re talking about Drake LaRoche, a young Tim Tebow or my own kid. (And he’s a Boy Scout.) They’re nuts. Moody, narcissistic, hormonal, inarticulate carbon blobs. More sofa than human, with Xbox controllers for hands. You love your own kid in spite of all that. But somebody else’s, you’ll say you do, but you don’t.

The bottom line is that the White Sox, based on LaRoche’s status with the team, appropriate rules of the workplace, nature and common sense, made a reasonable request. They asked one of their players to do the right thing and put the focus on trying to make the team better, which is what the job is supposed to be all about. And for that, he took his bat and ball and went home. Does that make him a great dad? Sure. Whatever. Good for him. But it makes him a lousy baseball player and he did the fans of Chicago a huge favor.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Tom Shaer gives us the Chicago perspective on the Patriots' recent moves.

[0:00:13] ... about each doubles players what they might be here in New England Bill Belichick we talked to our good friend who we check in with about once a year. A belt palm's share the president of ...
[0:02:59] ... year for big time and what was so different that you did Jay Cutler just to to look for him more what happened. No it wasn't it wasn't bad at all Jerry it was a well ...
[0:04:48] ... well and it had a game. We we know above all else Bill Belichick loves big personalities in his locker room you said he SA big personality. Specifically what form does that outgoing personality takes on ...
[0:06:27] ... is on his own planet. He's some things in that article that Jay Cutler could have been offended by it but Cutler wasn't because we understand the guy but he's out there he. He's happily up ...