Cosmo – The Penis Eggplant™ was born in New Zealand, and the rightful owner (and farmer) of the produce decided to capitalize on the incredible resemblance of the vegetable to the male reproductive system by putting it up for auction on a New Zealand trade site. The final bid was an astonishing (wait for it…) $115!
Before you get discouraged by the fact that someone in this world is willing to spend that much money just for the thrill of owning a phallic eggplant, the money from the auction all goes to the Prostate Cancer Foundation of New Zealand. So think of it as a charitable donation with a very special thank-you note (in the form of an eggplant that could, like, maybe double as a dildo).
Great. This is just great. Like I don’t already suffer from enough penis envy just from ordinary, every day objects. Cucumbers, zucchinis, hot dogs, eclairs, whole pickles, sausages, crullers. And of course the worst blow to mI’y self-esteem of all: Other, actual penises. Now that some Kiwi sod buster managed to get 115 bucks for this thing that actually does look like a real wang, I’m screwed. And not in the good way.
Now that Big Agriculture sees there’s a market for these things, they’ll be everywhere. Genetically Modified Wang Organisms as far as the eye can see. The whole produce aisle will look like the walls in an adult video store. Dildo vegetables, schlong potatoes, twig & berry fruits and mushrooms shaped like mushroom dongs from one end of the store to another. All at premium prices because they know the ladies – and some guys, I’ll all about inclusion – will pay them. Thanks for nothing, New Zealand.
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