All this time I’ve been touting Dragan Bender as my choice for the Celtics with the third overall pick, but for all the wrong reasons. I’ve wanted Bender because he learned to speak English from watching Chandler Bing and for dragon-themed blogs that will right themselves.
But that was before science got involved. Now, thanks to John Brinkus and his crack research staff, we know that Bender shoots like Steph Curry only 15 percent faster, can lower his center of gravity like Karl Anthony-Towns and defends like two-time Defensive Player of the Year Kawhi Leonard. Now, they didn’t specifically mention that he also can rebound like Bill Russell, jump like Dominique Wilkins, cook like Gordon Ramsey and play trumpet like Miles Davis, but that’s implied if not directly stated.
Bear in mind, this isn’t some video my man Dragan’s agent put out. This is cold, hard, analytical data mining. Bender might be a living stick figure who’s never played ball on North American soil and isn’t old enough to buy a beer. But he’s got my vote. It’s science.