Bwahaha! Get it? “Cheat codes!” “Bill Belicheat!” Spy equipment and smashed cell phones! The Patriots only win because they cheat so much! That is the essence of good comedy. It’s funny because it’s true!

As I’ve said many times here, no fan base in all of sports has a better, funnier and more motivated social media game than the people of New England. And this cheap insult cannot go unavenged. Pats fans, do your worst.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
The guys discuss a number of off-topics that are in the news today, including Ronda Rousey telling Floyd Mayweather that she makes more money per second than him, IK Enemkpali's strange headline in the news, and Danny unveils his thoughts on the player ratings for the new Madden game.
Steve Buckley of the Boston Herald calls in to talk about his fundraiser, The Old Time Baseball Game tonight. Steve also gives his input on what the Red Sox should do with Hanley Ramirez.
Patriots linebacker Jerod Mayo comes on with Lou, Christian and Danny to give his brief, Patriot-like answers about preseason and their upcoming game against the Carolina Panthers while Christian has fun with the Panther's stadium sound effects. After the interview, the guys get into a heated debate over tipping valet drivers.
Rick Porcello had an impressive game in his first start back from the disabled list, and Lou, Christian and Danny talk about what changed for Porcello, and they also discuss what to do with another pitcher in the rotation: Clay Buchholz.
Just months after publicly saying he used to illegally use "Stick'em" on his gloves back in his playing days, Jerry Rice is shying away from owning up to those comments. He also talks himself in a circle about the Patriots and the guys have some fun with his comments.
Danny Picard is in with Lou and Christian,and the guys talk about the comments made by Judge David Doty, the judge in Adrian Peterson's suit against the NFL, about Roger Goodell and whether or not he understands the CBA.

NESNIf you think IK Enemkpali punching Geno Smith in a locker room was bizarre, wait until you hear this story.

The Buffalo Bills defensive end recently was released from the New York Jets after he broke Smith’€™s jaw with a sucker-punch in the team’€™s locker room. But apparently he was involved in a much stranger incident while he was in college. …

According to the police report, the weird situation all started on Sept. 1, 2011, when Enemkpali began messaging a new Facebook friend named “Missy Lee.”€ Enemkpali reportedly went to “Missy Lee’€™s”€ house after she promised him oral sex, but left when he found a person ‘€œcovered head-to-toe in a blanket’€ who refused to remove the blanket.

Shortly after, though, Enemkpali reportedly returned to the house after “Missy Lee” called and urged him to come back. The person still wouldn’€™t remove the blanket, but the light from a ringing cell phone reportedly revealed that the subject under the blanket had facial hair.

According to the police report, Enemkpali then struck the person in the face out of fear he was being robbed, and after he threw the punch, the voice under the blanket changed to that of a male.

You have to say this about IK Enemkpali: He might have only been a sixth-round draft pick with two career tackles and have a bit of a temper, but he is no dummy.

Granted, I don’t condone violence, either against your starting quarterback or against some weirdo who catfished you. I believe that collecting 600 bucks that your QB owes you should be done calmly and rationally, without turning Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist. And I’ve always said that the proper response to some guy offering you unwanted oral sex in an unfamiliar apartment is a polite “No thank you.” That’s how we do things in a civil society.

That said, judging by the reaction of the other Jets players, Geno Smith was begging for a mouthful of bloody Chiclets. And you have to hand it to IK for having the wisdom to walk away from Missy Lee’s apartment when he did. I can almost hear my dad’s voice in my head now. “Son,” he’d say. “If you ever go to a strange woman’s apartment for oral sex and she refuses to take off her blanket and show you the goods it’d be smart to walk out. Also, if for some reason you do go back and found out she has a beard, you’re probably about to get robbed.”

That and the business about waiting a half hour after you eat before you go swimming were really the best pieces of advice he ever gave me. And while I feel as though punching Missy Lee was gratuitous and unnecessary, it’s good to see Enemkpali had the wherewithal to get out of there before something seriously bad happened. Chalk it up as a teaching moment and move on, I guess.

P.S. Enemkpali trolls the Internet for anonymous sex? I’m beginning to understand what Rex Ryan sees in the kid.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

Where was this sex ed film when I needed it?

My sainted mother was old school Irish Catholic who raised her baby boy to respect that everyone has their natural, biological functions and they should all be treated with the same amount of embarrassment. Which is why it would have been helpful to have had this landmark video starring Jonathan Banks of “Breaking Bad.”

I always assumed Mike Ehrmantraut would be Banks’ career-defining role, but that was before I caught his tour de force performance as the tortured Johnny. Not mention the acting of Jenny, who lends her heart, her soul and her uterus to her role. And holding it all together we have sound medical advice of the not at all molestery-looking Dr. Frank Frank. Just a transcendent cinematic achievement by all involved.

And watching Banks’ performance, you can just see the genesis of the Ehrmantraut character:

I can just imagine that if Mike’s girlfriend told him she had her period, he would have responded by drinking all the milk, staring blankly into space and then hiding in the back of a refrigerator truck to kill two hit men. So bravo to all involved. This was the best Sex Ed video since “Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide to You-Know-What.”


@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

 

MichiganAs pediatric cardiologist Dr. Ronald Grifka showed 10-year-old Ivan Applin the wire-framed device that would be used to fix the holes in his heart, the Toledo fourth grader had just one burning concern.

“He asked if the Michigan doctors were going to make his heart love University of Michigan instead of Ohio State,” his mother Jennifer laughs.

No, he would wake up loving the Buckeyes just as much as he ever did, Dr. Grifka, assured him.

I don’t pretend to be the world’s foremost college football junkie by any stretch. But I’ve always kind of wanted to be, in that way that George Costanza always wanted to be a Civil War buff. I’d like to be that, just not enough to actually become it. Part of the problem is I went to state college so I don’t have any skin in the game, so to speak. So I envy the people who have a school with a major football program they can care about.

That said, while I don’t follow college football as much as some, I am really big on hatred. I love the major rivalries. Put a game on Saturday where the two programs despise each other, where careers will be made and reputations tarnished and accomplishments will be celebrated forever and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Take Michigan-Ohio St. That’s a rivalry I can get behind. It literally goes back to a actual border war over the strip of land that includes the valuable port of Toledo in which real shots were fired. In it, the Ohioans called the Michiganders “wolverines,” which was meant to be derogatory but they considered it a badge of honor and it stuck. That’s the kind of hatred you can’t invent. It’s real.

Which is why, as of this moment, Ivan Applin is my favorite 10-year-old in the world. Any kid who’s more concerned about preserving his irrational, obsessive loathing of Michigan than his own heart health can drink from my canteen any time.

Now you might think that because Tom Brady went to Michigan I’d be a fan, but no. My own Beguiling Irish Rose is a Notre Dame girl and I’ve got in-laws who are ridiculously over-the-top Wolverines fans so Brady aside I’ve got plenty of reason to hate them. And with all due respect to my broadcast partner Michael Holley, I have no love for Ohio State either. But regardless of which team my boy Ivan is into, I respect his game.

So best of luck to young Mr. Applin here, although he won’t need it. Any kid with a heart like his is going to be fine.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton