North CarolinaA Currituck County High School teacher was indicted by a grand jury Tuesday on a charge of felony sex with a student.

Kimberly Lynne Umphlett, 24, of Kill Devil Hills, turned herself in to authorities Tuesday evening.

Currituck County Sheriff Susan Johnson said deputies began investigating the case in mid-May.

Johnson said Umphlett began inappropriate sexual contact with the student as early as April.

At the risk of lapsing into self promotion, one of my proudest accomplishments in my years at Barstool Sports was the pioneering work I did in the field of teacher sex scandals. If you’re not familiar with it, I won’t go another sentence before I point out I only cover the stories involving female teachers and male students. I literally did hundreds of them. It was one of the most popular things I ever did over there. And Lord knows there was never a lack of subjects to write about.

Let me be clear: Male educators taking advantage of their positions to seduce female students is disgusting and they should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. It’s why the Founding Fathers, in their infinite wisdom, wrote the Double Standard right into the Constitution.

Well I’ve been asked repeatedly in the seven or so months since Thornography was launched to bring back the Sex Scandal Teacher blogs and I was frankly not sure if I’d be able to translate an idea I started at a soft core smut site to a snarky, irreverent fan page on a legitimate sports information site. That and when you work for the legit press there are restrictions on copyrighted uses of photos I didn’t had to deal with before. So I dragged my feet.

But today I say, to hell with it. This weekend we celebrate the birth of a great nation, one based on the freedom and self-determination of the individual. It’s a holiday where you’re encouraged – I might even say compelled – to exercise your liberties. To eat fatty meats cooked over fire, to drink things that aren’t good for you, to sing too loud, have too much fun and blow things up. And I would add, to express yourself creatively.

If writing goofy blogs celebrating the activities of women so crazy they’ll throw their careers away and destroy their lives just to have sex with teenage boys is wrong, well then I don’t want to be right. As long as these lunatic female educators are risking it all for twenty seconds of clumsy teenage sex, who are we to deny the world the chance to know about it. This may not go over with the powers that be. And this feature might not last. But in the meantime, on this 4th of July, I’d rather ask forgiveness than permission.

The Grades:
Looks: I have to admit, I’m not exactly rebooting GtNSST on the highest note. Kimberly Lynn is the dictionary definition of “average.” She’d be at best a Boston “5”, and even where she comes from she’s probably not more than a Currituck County “6.” The best compliment I can give her is she looks a little like the girl who played Jan in The Brady Bunch Movie. Grade: C-
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: If you’re not familiar with the concept, the key to a good grade here is in the details. Naked photos are a plus. Videos of course. Was it in a funny place like a parking lot outside a Walmart. Some of the greats have involved another female teacher. And confessions are always a huge plus. On this one we’ve got nothing. Just a simple grand jury felony indictment. But you’ve got to start someplace. I can only work with the materials I’m given. So step it up, ladies. Grade: D
Intangibles: Now we’re talking. “Kimberly Lynn Umphlett” not only sounds like something John would come up with trying to guess the name of Ted’s girlfriend, adding “…from Kill Devil Hills” makes it sound like she’s a character out of a Rob Zombie movie. If he made movies about nutjobs who sleep with high school kids. Grade: A
Overall: C. Not much to go with. But unless I’ve completely misread the depravity of our society (Spoiler: I haven’t), there will be plenty more where she came from.

(Have a story of a female teacher having sex with her students? Particularly one where her picture is on Twitter? Help advance the cause of civilization by sending it to me @jerrythornton1 or


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Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Lou, Christian and Tim speak with Steve Pagliuca about the 2024 Olympic bid in Boston, and some of the skepticism in the city regarding the cost of the project.
ESPN Insider, Buster Olney, related some stories from the 2001 World Series where Andy Pettite was tipping his pitches to the eventual World Champion Arizona Diamonbacks.
Lou, Christian, and Tim start the show discussing last night's bounce-back performance from Eduardo Rodriguez. But the focal point of the discussion was whether or not it was wrong of NESN to show images of E-Rod tipping his pitches, and specifically which pitches he threw when his chin was tucked into his chest in different ways.

It is with great sadness that I have to report this unfair and sexist persecution of my girl Eugenie Bouchard. And on Canada Day, no less. As much as I want to respect Wimbledon, its tradition and its rules, this type of anti-lingerie, anti-hot girl Neanderthalism has no place in a modern, enlightened society. I respect Genie’s choice to do what she wants to with her body, as well as the rights of all the ticket-buying male Wimbledon customers to see what kind of sexy underwear she’s wearing. If she chooses to go with a black bra, a Victoria’s Secret lace camisole or even fishnets, well then by God that’s what equality is all about. So shame on you and all your Dark Ages thinking, Britain. All I can do is support Genie’s decision and respond the way any good blogger would, but posting a bunch of her cutest Instragrams.

Happy Canada Day, everyone.  



A photo posted by Genie Bouchard (@geniebouchard) on






DraftKings Play fantasy baseball every day at DraftKings — official daily fantasy partner of the Boston Red Sox — and win part of $300 million in prizes being paid out this baseball season! FOR FREE ENTRY TO THE $10,000 FANTASY BASEBALL CONTEST, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

“€œI think I could play. As far as throwing, of course. I could make all the throws I made before. . . . We’€™re not trying to start some he’€™s-coming-out-of-retirement deal. . . . But I could play.”Brett Favre to Sports Illustrated

Life has given me so many blessings, I don’t ask for much more. Good job. Perfect family. Health. A championship duckboat parade every year or so. So I like to think I’m pretty much satisfied.

But I have to admit I’ve felt like something has been missing from my life. As Morpheus put it to Neo, I don’t know what it is, but it’s there. Like a splinter in my mind, driving me mad. But just now I figured it out.

I need Brett Favre back and I need him yesterday.

It’s been what? Five years now since the ol’ serial un-retirer came back to the league. That’s half a decade now I’ve had to live without a summer of “Will he or won’t he?” speculation. Without an army of ESPN trucks conducting a siege outside his house in Hattiesburg, trying to coax him out and back into the league like a pro football Operation: Just Cause. Sixty months of not getting to hear “sources close to Brett Favre” (note that it’s always “Brett Favre” because calling him just “Favre” would be like calling Superman “Man) say he’s done playing football and isn’t just holding out for more money, right before he signs for a ton of money.

And it means we’ve played four full NFL seasons without his patented brand of throwing terrible interceptions only to be apologized for by his fawning worshipers in the broadcast booth. I miss the stuff about him courageously “trying to make a play.” The “Mississippi Riverboat Gambler” talk. The “Ol’ Gunslinger” stuff. Or my personal favorite, about how he’s not just a quarterback, he’s a football player who loves the game so much that, ‘Aw, shucks, he’d play for nothin’, while he was commanding some of the highest salaries in the league.

Of course I have to admit I’d like him back for his hilarious, off-the-field adventures. Like sexting pictures of his Li’l Gunslinger to unsuspecting female Jets employees and his subsequent unwillingness to hand over his cell phone to Roger Goodell, for which he paid a $50,000 fine, which is 1/36th what Tom Brady is getting whacked for by that same commissioner for a “crime” far less egregious. And it would do my heart good to see him come back and NOT get suspended four games for keeping his phone to himself and expose the rampant hypocrisy of the NFL.

So yes, I’m being selfish. Any man who was as gawdawful as BrettFavre (yes, that’s a one word name, not a typo) was at the end of his overrated career but is still delusional enough to think he could play pro football needs to be in there almost as much as I need him to be.


DraftKings Play fantasy baseball every day at DraftKings — official daily fantasy partner of the Boston Red Sox — and win part of $300 million in prizes being paid out this baseball season! FOR FREE ENTRY TO THE $10,000 FANTASY BASEBALL CONTEST, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

The Boston GlobeJust how exclusive is The Country Club in Brookline? We’€™re about to find out.

Word around the club’€™s meticulously manicured grounds is that Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his supermodel spouse, Gisele Bundchen, whose mansion is just an errant tee shot away, would like to join. But it’€™s not clear if the club famous for understatement and insularity will accept the glamorous power couple as members.

Why? Because the 133-year-old institution prizes privacy and discretion above all else. And Brady and Bundchen, trailed as they often are by paparazzi, and occasionally controversy, attract the sort of attention abhorred by the multimillionaires who belong to the primrose playground on Clyde Street in Chestnut Hill. …

The club has a well-deserved reputation for being exclusive –€” some would say exclusionary –€” when it comes to its members. Consider this: No Jews were admitted until the 1970s, no women (as full members) until 1989, and no blacks until 1994. In his memoir, ‘€œA Reason To Believe,’ former governor Deval Patrick revealed that he and his wife, Diane, were rejected “€œblackballed,’€™’€™ he wrote — by The Country Club.

Those snot-nosed, over-privileged, trustafarian blue blood Brahmins at The Country Club can talk all they want about understatement and insularity but the rest of us know better. We know pure, unfiltered, institutional bigotry when we see it.

This is “No Irish Need Apply” of the 21st century. These pretentious, idle rich twits and their bony, dowager wives could never accept a working class kid who pulled himself up from nothing through hard work and dedication to achieve greatness. Because having a self-made man like Tom Brady around would just remind these plutocrat lucky spermers that their only accomplishment in life was to be born in a family that came over on the Mayflower and claimed some prime real estate the way you lay your blanket and chairs down at the beach.

I mean, what are they going to say to Tom or Gisele at the first club dinner dance? “Oh, you won your fourth Super Bowl and you retired from your billion dollar career as the last of the supermodels? Do tell. How absorbing for you. Not to brag, but Mimsy and I here won the club Bridge tournament and she’s on her fifth round of Botox. So we had quite a year too…”

Let’s face it, the last time any of these swells met a hard-working Irishman and a successful Brazilian business person they were landscaping their yard and cleaning their pool. And if they don’t want to be associated with the World’s Most Glamorous Couple, they are not worth associating with. Besides, I guarantee you every conversation in the locker room sounds like this:


DraftKings Play fantasy baseball every day at DraftKings — official daily fantasy partner of the Boston Red Sox — and win part of $300 million in prizes being paid out this baseball season! FOR FREE ENTRY TO THE $10,000 FANTASY BASEBALL CONTEST, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Curt Schilling joined us to discuss the state of the Red Sox.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Morning Mashup. For the latest news, start at our home page or click here for the top stories from our news wire.

Going into Tuesday night’€™s Women’€™s World Cup semifinal, nobody really knew if the United States was good enough to beat top-ranked Germany.