I am shocked that I can tolerate a video that involves the phrase “a car alarm.” In fact, like all of us I will go to great lengths to avoid anything that sounds like a car alarm. But this short, simple clip is pretty remarkable.

I say again, what is it about a good looking woman who can play a classical instrument? I guess I have to admit, it’s my “thing.” And as “things” go, I suppose that’s less creepy than most.

Thanks to Daniel B. for sending this along.

Have you come across a video you’d like to see posted? Send the link to your Afternoon Delight-worthy vid to me at jthornton@weei.com. If I use it I’ll make you sports radio station website Internet famous.

@JerryThornton1

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Jerry Thornton
Former intern Lucy gives Jerry a Cosmo quiz. (Photo: Jerry Thornton)

Former intern Lucy gives Jerry a Cosmo quiz. (WEEI.com)

On this week’s “Unsportsmanlike Podcast” I’m joined once again by my authority for all things involving matters of gender, former WEEI intern-turned-emerging media star Lucy Burdge.

On this show, we catch up on each other’s holidays, explore Lucy’s dating situation, talk about what apps are currently popular for random hook ups and she schools me on use of the dreaded C-word.

Mostly though, she gives me a Cosmo quiz called “What Kind of Girl are You?” So if you’ve ever wondered that, or asked yourself who at the station Lucy has a crush on and whom I would date if I was a chick, give us a listen.

Enjoy.

@JerryThornton1

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So I’m the leader of Patriots Nation now? I accept. To be clear, I did not seek this position. Nor did I campaign for it. With all due respect to Fred Kirsch of Patriots Football Weekly, a publication I have subscribed to for many years, the people have spoken. And as Plato writes in The Republic, the ideal ruler is one who does not wish to rule. That way you know he isn’t seeking power to enrich himself and can be trusted to govern wisely.

The only issue now becomes what kind of leader I will be.

A Philosopher King in the Plato mold? Possibly, but that sounds like way too much book learning.

Maybe a God King, like Xerxes in “300”? I like the sound of that. But the whole slavery thing is a turnoff. And Leonidas was way cooler because his men would do anything for him. Right up until the time that “do anything for him” thing included dying horribly in a hail of arrows.

A despotic emperor type like Darth Sidious in “Star Wars?” Nope. Too murdery. And as much as I’d like lightning bolts to shoot out of my fingertips, I know I’d be using them on people who stand in the middle of the aisle at the supermarket.

Maybe a kindly, heroic Aragorn of Gondor type? There’s nothing not to like about that. But that’s not me. There’s only one model of a leader for me to emulate.

Bill Belichick. A benign despot. Kind to my subjects. Brutal to my enemies. A brilliant strategist who can see worldly events unfolding before they transpire. Someone who dispenses quick, brutal justice for wrongdoers and rewards those who do right. A man who does not suffer fools gladly. Who doesn’t care what the press says about him as long as his soldiers and his public adore him. A giant among men who believes loyalty is a two-way street. A iron fist in a grey-hooded sleeve with a Jersey rocker song in his heart and an old Paul Brown story on his lips.

That’s the kind of leader I’ll be. I humbly accept the position and will govern well. Now come the days of the king. All hail Jerry I.

@JerryThornton1

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Glenn, Lou and Christian take a look at how Brady fared vs. Denver the last time they played, when Brady lost all his weapons.
Pete Prisco, CBS, was on the morning show sharing his thoughts on Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Glenn, Lou and Christian discuss Prisco's comments.

The Internet can be a really strange place. Things that have been out there for a while will suddenly return for no apparent reason. That’s why your Facebook page will suddenly fill up with some Barack Obama birth story from like 2009 every other year or so. Things just surface like a whale coming up for air.

Consider this video. It was actually posted back in May. As a matter of fact, I’m 90 percent sure I wrote about it when it came out. But in that odd interweb way, it’s come back with a fury this week, popping up on Twitter, being sent to me, getting blogged on Barstool and getting posted all over my Facebook wall. And I just feel like I can’t ignore it for fear of looking like I wasn’t paying attention. Do. Your. Job. And all that.

That said, I should point out it’s brilliant. A true work of art. Just pure, two-tissue Patriots Porn.

@JerryThornton1

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The guys open the show ripping on Glenn's wardrobe, again. Then they got to talking about Christian's struggles calling Denver radio, and whether Gronk should be nervous about the Denver DB's going low.

 

Mike ReissNFL officials working Saturday’s playoff game between the Kansas City Chiefs and New England Patriots forgot footballs specifically used for kicking, as well as gauges to measure air pressure, which required the Massachusetts State police to deliver them an hour before kickoff.

“At approximately 2:30 p.m. Saturday, Massachusetts State police at Logan airport were notified by the Hyatt Hotel on airport property that the officials at Gillette Stadium for that afternoon’s Patriots’ playoff game had left official, specially designated footballs and pressure gauges behind at the hotel,” Massachusetts State Police spokesman David Procopio said. … State Police contacted an NFL security official at Gillette Stadium. NFL security requested State Police assistance in bringing the footballs and gauges to the stadium. … A hotel employee retrieved the equipment.”

As Ryan Hannable pointed out, this story was first put out there by Scott Zolak. But now that we’ve got official government confirmation that it’s true, it’s time to let the great vengeance and furious anger begin.

This is your National Football League. Here is Roger Goodell’s “integrity of the game” in action. This multi-billion dollar collection of frauds, back-stabbers and nincompoops. This is the very same organization that couldn’t ever be bothered to ever care much about how game balls are treated. To the point they let any Dorito Dink game day team employee handle them and had no problem handing Tom Brady blimps pumped up to 16 psi (see The Wells Report) for a game against the Jets. But who arbitrarily, unilaterally and without notice decided that the care and handling of the balls was the single most important issue in the world. Worth millions of dollars in legal fees, months of everyone’s time and damage to people’s reputations that will never be undone.

Now we find out these same bungling clods can’t remember to bring the K-balls or pressure gauges with them to the stadium. For a playoff game. The same stadium in the same week that was ground zero when they dropped a nuke on the Patriots last year.

I spent the offseason saying that after the huge, hairy deal the NFL made, I would satisfied with nothing less than the balls being brought out to the field in a Brink’s truck under armed guard. I was only half-kidding. I didn’t think they’d actually come with a police escort. But I guess I underestimated the monumental carelessness and stupidity of the people running pro football. Then again, when those same K-balls were being stolen by an NFL employee in the very same game the whole Deflategate sting operation began, maybe Massachusetts’ Finest should be protecting them.

I suppose now we’re left with one question: If the care and maintenance of footballs is so unimportant that officials are leaving them back at the hotel like a phone charger and we’re putting them in the hands of room service workers, can the Patriots get their draft picks back?

@JerryThornton1

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The saga of the Patriots Darius Fleming rescuing a woman from a crashed car, getting accused of lying about it by some media outlets, then being vindicated unfolded Wednesday while we were doing The Dale & Holley with Thornton Show, and we talked about it at length. But Fleming is both a Patriots player and a former Notre Damer. So there’s no way I’m going to miss out on a double shot of righteous indignation like this without weighing in on it here.

After a sleeping on it, Fleming’s story sounds less like a current event or a study in journalism than it does a Bible parable. Something Jesus would preach to teach us important, moral lessons:

A Good Samaritan stops along the road to help a traveler in need and is injured. He accepts no thanks and returns home without telling anyone of his good deed. The other villagers hear of it, but do not believe the story. They bear false witness against him, compare him to his old classmate who fell in love with a fake girl, and cast the first stone. When the story is proven true, they do not ask forgiveness for their sins. Amen.

And there are lessons to be learned from the entire episode. The Gospel According to Thornography:

5. Darius Fleming is a hero.

A car with deployed air bags fills with powder or whatever accelerant is used to inflate them. And it makes it look like the car is on fire and maybe about to explode. With that, he risked his life to help this woman, cut his leg kicking her window in, pulled her to safety, held her hand until the police arrived and went on his way without asking so much as a “thank you.”€ And in a world where some people would take selfies of their heroics and post them all over social media or hold a press conference to bask in their own glory, he said nothing. I once changed the tire of a girl I worked with and campaigned for a Congressional Medal of Honor for it. You’re a better man than I, Gunga Din.

4. No good deed goes unpunished.

If Fleming had just kept driving along, listening to another spectacularly entertaining “€œUnsportsmanlike Podcast,” minded his own business and left the rescuing to someone else, no one would’ve known. There would have been no suggesting he lied to cover up the real reason he cut himself. Ben Volin wouldn’t have reported there was no accident. TMZ would not have been quoting a ‘€œlaw enforcement source’€ who said “it’s starting to look like €Manti Te’o.”

3. Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

In a world with Brian Williams, Deflategate, Te’o, that USC player who made up a story about saving a kid from drowning and Brandon Spikes slamming his car into another in the middle of the night and claiming he hit a deer, it’s perfectly normal to question everything anyone says. In fact, it’s healthy. But that includes being skeptical of media reports too. Believe only what you can verify.

2. Journalism is not dead.

While I’m all about the distrust, it was real, old-fashioned investigative reporting that got to the truth. Our producer Ben Kichen and my man Chris Villani of WEEI and the Herald simply took the time to go on line and find the report of the crash. Volin and TMZ apparently made phone calls that didn’t get them the information they wanted and went with the “€œthere was no crash'” narrative. It’s 20 years after the Atlanta Olympics bombing and news outlets are still Richard Jeweling heroes rather than let the facts get in the way of a juicy story. But there are still people trying to get the facts, and the Internet gives us access to them.

1. It’s easier for a camel to fit through the head of a pin than for a media outlet to admit they blew it.

When the crash report was verified, TMZ’s ‘€”correction”€ read “Cops Change Story… Questions Remain.” As Quint said in “Jaws,” “It proves one thing Mr. Hooper. It proves you wealthy college boys don’t have the education enough to admit when you’re wrong.”

Special bonus lesson: Darius Fleming is a hero.

It bears repeating. If we learn nothing else from this witch hunt, and I hope like hell we do, let’s remember this at least.
@JerryThornton1

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Prisco told D&C that Peyton Manning is smarter than Tom Brady.