Glenn, Lou, and Christian marvel that it's Week 4, and the Patriots are already running away with the Division. Plus, Rex Ryan is being his normal ridiculous self; and could Tom Coughlin be in the Bills' future?

Daily MailEye-watering images have captured the moment firefighters attempted to free a man after his penis became trapped in a wedding ring. 

The 18-year-old from Liuzhou, China’s Guangxi province had his penis stuck in the ring for two days before the pain became so unbearable that he called emergency services for help on September 13. …

In the footage the man can be seen with a bag of ice on his penis.

Then firefighters can be seen using giant pliers to try and cut the wedding band off. 

Boy, if this isn’t one of those “There but for the grace of God go I” moments, I don’t know what is.

What prospective groom hasn’t, at one time or another, almost gotten his penis stuck in his wedding band? It’s got to be up there with falling down stairs or slipping in the shower when it comes to common, household accidents.

So let this be a lesson to us all. Guys with your junk stuck in your wedding ring, you are not alone. There is no shame in what happened to you. Be smart about it. Don’t try to be a hero like my boy here and wait two days of screaming agony because you don’t want to be a burden. Call for help right away. The first responders won’t judge, and they’ve got the pliers you need to free you so you can get on with your life of married bliss. Then you can put your junk where it belongs.

This has been a public service message of Thornography minding you to be smart with your man part.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Glenn, Lou, and Christian try to decide who deserves the most credit for the construction of the AL East Champion Red Sox: Ben Cherington or Dave Dombrowski?

Oh my goodness gracious! Peyton Manning riding an alpine slide cart down that great monument to human engineering and slave labor in China? Awesome! Man, I was wondering when we were finally going to get a look at Peyton in the People’s Republic. To go along with the looks we get of him hawking pizza, making cupcakes, shilling for insurance companies, eating at a diner, driving in a car, grabassing with the national broadcast crews, insulting Tom Brady at celebrity roasts, etc. etc.

There was one saving grace to watching Paymeaton end his career with a Super Bowl last February. And it was that he was riding off into the sunset. Instead, not only has he not reached the sunset, he never left town. Hell, he never even gotten on his horse. He’s still standing in the middle of the town pushing his stupid products and in our faces more than he ever was playing 16 games and getting bounced out in the first round of the playoffs.

Since the thumb-headed goober “retired,” his life has become a 24-hour a day reality show. “The Truman Show.” “The Peyton Show.” At least when he was playing you could always switch to the other game. But there’s no avoiding him. And naturally, the media wing of the NFL is leading the charge, providing wall-to-wall coverage of every vacation, business venture, funtivity and bathroom break Richie Rich here takes. As a matter of fact, the only place you can’t find him now is Al Jazeera, who got taken off the air once they outed him for HGH-use.

So enjoy. Embrace it. Follow Peyton on his trip around China from Beijing to the bottom of the Great Wall. But unless he slides into a Communist work camp at the end, leave me out of it. I’m getting plenty of him as it is.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

 

The Ryder Cup is this weekend, and it’s one of my favorite events on the (semi-annual) sports calendar. Partly because it’s deliciously blended strong cocktail of pressure golf, team pride and nationalism. But also because there is genuine bad blood.

There is far too little good, old fashioned hatred left in sports any more. Particularly in a game like golf, which has always suffered from a deplorable amount of sportsmanship and gentility. All of which goes right into the water hazard when it comes to the Ryder Cup.

It might have started in Brookline in 1999, when the British tabloids responded to Europe’s epic collapse by blaming the (allegedly) drunken hordes of (supposedly) loud, obnoxious Massholes who (reportedly) wouldn’t stop heckling the Euros. Regardless of when it began, the animosity is real. and will no doubt be on display at Hazeltine.

Enter Pete Willett, a British writer for National Club Golfer and brother of Team Europe golfer Danny Willett. He just wrote a classic hate piece about the American golf crowd that should make every blogger proud:

For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.

Team Europe need to silence these cretins quickly.

Wow. All I can say is “wow.” I’m not even insulted. I just sit at my keyboard in awe at the brilliant use of the common language which separates our people to express his pure, spite-filled contempt for us. It’s like being in the audience at a great insult comic’s show, where you simply admire the skill it takes to pull it off.

So kudos to you, Pete Willett. I’ve written a million hate pieces about fans of the Yankees, Jets, Bills, Ravens, Raiders and more. I’ve mocked and ridiculed fanbases from one end of the continent to the other. But I’m truly humbled in the presence of such talent. And any man who hates the “Baba Booey” crowd and “Get in the hole!” Guy as much as you, can share a hot dog and a pissy beer with me anytime.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

I love it. The Red Sox celebrating going worst-to-first in their division the way they should. By carpet bombing the Yankee Stadium locker room with F-bombs like it’s Berlin in 1945.

In order to truly embraced in its hometown, a team should be a reflection of its city. And that’s what this was. We are rude, vulgar and give no F’s what the rest of the world thinks. You think these Sox players or their manager worries about what goes out over live television? Then that just proves you haven’t been paying attention all this time. This is the team whose best hitter got the head of the FCC to give his blessing to the best live F-bomb of all time. As Ralphie Parker said of his dad, the Sox work in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay.

Boston. F-yeah.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Kirk Minihane's first career dream was to work in Hollywood, so today Kirk sits down with somebody who actually made it in Hollywood, John Krasinski. Kirk and John have a fascinating conversation about John's rise to fame as Jim in the Office, John's transition from TV to movie star, and what is on the horizon for Newton native John Krasinski.

Donald Trump vs. Alec Baldwin. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)

Donald Trump vs. Alec Baldwin. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)

“Saturday Night Live” either makes you incredibly happy or incredibly frustrated. That comes from you either getting it or not getting it. I think I get it more often than not, though admittedly, I have not “gotten it” for a few seasons.

I don’t get why certain new cast members have been let go. I don’t get why this season doesn’t premiere until Oct. 1 when we’re in the middle of the most parody ready year of the century. I don’t get why they let go of two of their most sure-handed cast members in Taran Killam and Jay Pharoah a year before their mandatory seven-year contracts expired.

I especially don’t get the waffling the show has done on the casting of their version of Donald Trump. In a late-night comedy landscape where literally every single show has their Trump take on lock, “SNL” – the bar-setter for politically satirical portrayals since the Ford administration – announced over last summer that Killam would play Trump and then re-cast their Trump a week later giving the ball to Daryl Hammond and for one glorious weekend featuring musical guest Sia, the Republican nominee himself.

This past summer, in releasing Killam and Pharoah, “SNL” got rid of their Obama and one of their Trumps. The smart money is on the that Lorne Michaels is opting to “outsource” the season’s most headline-grabbing parts to special guest stars as he’s done in the past with Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin and Larry David playing Bernie Sanders. “SNL” always works best when it’s a repertory company centered around one standout performer, and rightfully so, that standout for this season is Emmy winner Kate McKinnon who will be reprising her role as Hillary Clinton.

But who to get to play Donald Trump if you’re not going to trust your most ready for prime time actor (Killam) or your studio announcer (Hammond)? Who you gonna call to play the champ of the Alt-Right on a show designed to appease the Left? You call the Trumpiest liberal you can and you get him on the payroll, baby. Say hello to the show’s designated hitter and new Donald Trump for the 2016-17 season: Alec Baldwin.

On paper, Baldwin and Trump are very similar: prominent New Yorkers. Prone to public outbursts. Opinionated AF. Representing beliefs that are the bane of each other’s existence. Both guys whose mouths has gotten them in trouble so many times that NBC has kicked them each off their air – twice each in the last five years.

Each time, they have come back to “SNL” in an attempt to seem like humans that audiences can trust. “SNL” and NBC have introduced a situation where two guys more than likely would side-eye each other into oblivion if they were in the same room will now be clapping back at each other in the media from October 1st to November 8th. If you think Tump isn’t going to make railroading Alec Baldwin the main talking point of his next speech if Baldwin goes hard with his first impression, you’re out of your mind. Here’s a peek at his Rally Track List:

  • Build a Wall.
  • Repeatedly call Sec. Clinton “Crooked Hillary.”
  • Work “Make America Great Again” into every sentence if possible.
  • Request crowd make it a point to rise up and destroy Alec Baldwin.

Comically speaking, this entire situation is too big to fail. “SNL” returns Saturday, October 1st with host Margot Robbie. Must-watch television for at least the first 10 minutes of the show.

Blog Author: 
Padraic O'Connor
In the fourth and final hour Curt Schilling discussed Ortiz and Betts as MVP candidates and gave his thoughts on Monday's debate.
The guys discussed Papi's MVP chances and a bizarre postgame show on NESN.