There’s only one thing more gratifying than watching the Cincinnati Bengals commit playoff suicide through their own insane, immature, hysterical dumbassery. And that’s been watching their reactions since. Adam “Pacman” Jones in particular has been the gift that keeps on giving in the aftermath of his meltdown that handed Pittsburgh a game-winning chip shot.
Not content to just sit in the bathtub fully dressed with his knees clutched to his chest for costing his team a playoff win, he went right to Instagram to go all NC-17 on the officials. Then followed that up with a profane, looney tirade that included gems like, “I’m sitting here looking at the thing on ESPN. I guess Pittsburgh got all gangsters. Mike Tomlin needs to tell his team to shut the f’k up and play football, because ain’t nothing going to happen to 55 [Vontaze Burfict] on the field or off the field. Dig that. Ya’ll want to report, so report that [BS].”
Gold, Jerry! Gold!
But Pacman wasn’t content to stop there. He went on “The Dan Patrick Show” Monday morning and doubled down on the cray cray, accusing Steelers wideout Antonio Brown of only pretending that his brains were scrambled by Burfict’s blindside shot to the head. I am not kidding. From Uproxx:
Adam Jones goes on a national radio show and all but accuses Antonio Brown of faking an injury. … In an interview Monday morning with Dan Patrick, Adam Jones said Brown “deserved a Grammy” for his performance.
There’s just so much Schadenfreude-y goodness in this saga I don’t know where to begin. The fact that the penalties by Burfict and Jones negated what would have been a drive-killing incompletion. Or how a few minutes before hell broke loose Burfict intercepted a pass and he and Jones ran up the tunnel with the ball. The way Burfict was arguing on the sidelines with Marvin Lewis. Or the sight of Pacman ugly-face crying on the bench. And now him blaming the refs, Pittsburgh and the guy who got concussed. Everyone but himself. It’s just an embarrassment of riches. It’s like hitting the Crazytown Powerball jackpot.
So I’m just going to say my favorite part is “All of the Above.” This is the Cincinnati Bengals at their Cincinnati Bengaliest. They have been and continue to be the most deranged, dysfunctional team in North American sports. And in a way, the most entertaining. Just for laughs I went back through some old files to see what I wrote about Burfict on Barstool Sports when I was previewing the 2012 draft. Here’s what I said:
Guy With All the Physical Tools but More Red Flags Than the Beijing Country Club:
Vontaze Burfict, Arizona St. 6-1, 248, 4.93.
I try not to lean too heavily on any one draft source, but Pro Football Weekly said it perfectly: “A very inconsistent, undisciplined, over emotional locker-room lawyer and divisive, energy-draining field force.” And just for good measure they threw in ‘mouthy,’ ‘hot-headed’ and ‘coach-killing’ Sure, but how’s his attitude?
As a footnote, I listed another linebacker whom I called “The Perfect Patriot.” It was Dont’a Hightower. Being right all the time never gets old. You keep doing you, Bengals.
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