WTVR — A pet monkey got loose in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Lancaster, Ohio Sunday night after apparently escaping from a recreational vehicle.
Video taken by Richelle Stewart shows a store employee trying to corral the diaper-wearing primate near the shopping cart return area.
When the man gets close, however, the monkey can be seen jumping from the metal railing and grabbing him by the arm and clothing. A woman runs up to the employee yelling, “Let him go, let him go, let him go! If he bites you, they will put him down.”
The woman grabs the monkey by the hand and walks to an RV parked in the lot.
There is no greater champion of the working person than me. So it’s a rare day that I ever take the side of a woman who shares an RV with a diaper-wearing monkey over a retail worker. But in this case, I’m with Crazy Monkey Lady.
No good can ever come from a Wal-Mart employee trying to corral a monkey in a diaper. That situation has ended in disaster every time it’s been tried. A retail worker’s authority extends only as far as the shopping carts and no further. They’re not there to save the world. They’re not there to rescue lost apes. And they are not there to protect customers in the parking lot from getting their faces ripped off by some vicious, rabid primate. Just take care of your carts, and leave the monkey wrangling to the professionals.
Particularly now, in the wake of the Harambe tragedy, with inter-species tensions at an all time high and the Ape Uprising about to begin at any moment, we don’t need our Wal-Mart workers trying to be heroes. I don’t often say this, but for once the lunatic hillbilly lady who owns a monkey is right.