Its Tom Brady's 38th birthday and we look back to celebrate his biggest milestones.

[0:01:43] ... out britney's birthday obviously obviously. It's on her day to really go Tom Brady Ford four and a young Ben what under what this I was that was a thing going to be specifically we've got ...
[0:02:19] ... It's time tried to stay with the big guy that's. All right. Tom Brady passed the 50000 yard mark last season against the bank is when they were on to Cincinnati he currently has 53200. And 58 yards will Tom Brady hits 60000 yards before his fortieth birthday. 60000 yards before his fortieth are long gone out yet so yeah also would talk ...
[0:03:49] ... gentlemen let you inside the goal line. And New England is technically. Tom Brady has 392. Career touchdowns. Will Tom Brady hit 400 career touchdowns. Before week five of this NFL season. I just wanna say as to say this. Kevin Hartman thanks ...
[0:05:29] ... then. It's. Only. It's absolutely incredible. Okay. Stanton. Randy Moss. Last time Tom Brady was extremely pissed off he threw fifty touchdown passes will ever hit that mark again in a single season. No no no ...






Its Tom Brady's 38th birthday and we look back to celebrate his biggest milestones.

[0:01:43] ... out britney's birthday obviously obviously. It's on her day to really go Tom Brady Ford four and a young Ben what under what this I was that was a thing going to be specifically we've got ...
[0:02:19] ... It's time tried to stay with the big guy that's. All right. Tom Brady passed the 50000 yard mark last season against the bank is when they were on to Cincinnati he currently has 53200. And 58 yards will Tom Brady hits 60000 yards before his fortieth birthday. 60000 yards before his fortieth are long gone out yet so yeah also would talk ...
[0:03:49] ... gentlemen let you inside the goal line. And New England is technically. Tom Brady has 392. Career touchdowns. Will Tom Brady hit 400 career touchdowns. Before week five of this NFL season. I just wanna say as to say this. Kevin Hartman thanks ...
[0:05:29] ... then. It's. Only. It's absolutely incredible. Okay. Stanton. Randy Moss. Last time Tom Brady was extremely pissed off he threw fifty touchdown passes will ever hit that mark again in a single season. No no no ...






Disclaimer: I’m not Jerry Thornton. He’s the entertainer’s entertainer, a global icon with comedy chops, a radio show and a full head of hair. I have none of these things. I merely have the unenviable task of keeping the award-winning Thornography blog afloat while Jerry is on vacation, undoubtedly enjoying a romantic getaway with Johnny Weir.

Some years back, there was a Southwest Airlines commercial advertising flights to Philadelphia during which a man claimed the City of Brotherly Love has “a lot — A LOT — of culture” and other folks described the best their hometown has to offer, a list that consisted of pretzels, cheesesteaks and the phrase, “It’s like a baby New York.”

A lot of culture, indeed. Even the city’s own denizens couldn’t come up with anything better than empty calories and a degrading comparison to another equally deplorable metropolis to best describe Philadelphia.

In GQ’s quest to find “The Worst Sports Fans in America,” Eagles and Phillies fans tied for No. 1. This is, after all, a fan base that once booed Santa Claus. So, it should come as no surprise that Philadelphians killed hitchBot, a beloved hitchhiking robot whose sole goal was to travel across this great country and restore our faith in humanity.

Meanwhile, our faith in Philadelphia remains steadfast: Philly has no faith, and it will destroy your hopes and dreams, because Boston has repeatedly torn its heart out, set it afire and fed its body to the depths of hell.

Whether it was Havlicek stealing the ball, Super Bowl XXXIX or a sweep on the way to a Stanley Cup, Boston owns Philadelphia. Even Philly’s nicknames — Cradle of Liberty and Birthplace of America — are owed to Bostonians. As impartial observer Kevin Garnett said when asked to compare Philadelphia and Boston crowds, “Not even close. Not even close. You got fans, and then you got fair-weather fans. Take it how you want.”

And hitchBOT’s life was a sad reminder of the chasm between Boston and Philadelphia. After successful tours across Canada, Germany and The Netherlands, the robot began its U.S. journey in Massachusetts, spending almost two weeks fishing off the shores of Gloucester, touring Boston and crossing off the first of its many bucket list items.

Upon leaving Boston, the city that “invented America,” hitchBOT stopped in Rhode Island, Connecticut and New York before, we assume, being kidnapped, thrown in the trunk of a 1989 Eagle Premier and transported two hours southwest, enduring the stench of MetLife Stadium prior to being left for dead on the streets of Philadelphia.

It is a sad day for America, but at least we can take solace in the fact that humanity is alive and well in Boston, where hitchBOT experienced a fortnight of the best our country has to offer. RIP hitchBOT.

The night has fallen, I’m lyin’ awake,
I can feel myself fading away,
So receive me brother with your faithless kiss,
Or will we leave each other alone like this
On the Streets of Philadelphia

Blog Author: 
Ben Rohrbach
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Disclaimer: I’m not Jerry Thornton. He’s the entertainer’s entertainer, a global icon with comedy chops, a radio show and a full head of hair. I have none of these things. I merely have the unenviable task of keeping the award-winning Thornography blog afloat while Jerry is on vacation, undoubtedly enjoying a romantic getaway with Johnny Weir.

For those of you who don’t have it plugged into your calendar — or anyone who may have destroyed replaced a broken phone since last Aug. 3 — today marks Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.’s 38th birthday. If the past week has taught us anything, it’s that this year has been a trying one for Brady. Sometimes life just has you by the balls, and that was the case for Brady at age 37.

The year began with the old ball and chain embarrassing him on Instagram with a photo of the two smooching, as if anybody wants to see a devilishly handsome NFL quarterback and his supermodel wife embody all that God intended. UGGs, gross. Things only got worse for Brady, as his old lady quit her job and the powers that be at his place of employment are threatening his own livelihood. We’ve all been there, am I right? Let’s review just how brutal the past year has been for Brady. Maybe it’ll help cheer everyone up and make us realize our own existences aren’t so bad after all.

Big win tonight! We’re on to Miami! Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, December 7, 2014

 

A 9-year-old bat boy who was struck in the head by a batter warming up in the on-deck circle during the National Baseball Congress World Series in Wichita, Kansas, over the weekend died of his injuries, the team announced.