Fleury: Abuse is world's 'biggest epidemic'

Former NHL star Theo Fleury, a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of a Canadian junior hockey coach when he was a teenager, joined the Dennis & Callahan show Friday morning to discuss his recovery and offer some insight into how the alleged victims of the Penn State situation are feeling.

Fleury is now a motivational speaker and author of the 2009 autobiography "Playing with Fire," in which he made public the abuse he faced by Graham James, who served time in prison for abusing other players.

"I've gone through my process, and what's happened is basically to my own pain and what I've gone through I've found the purpose for my life, and that's to help people such as the boys from Penn State," Fleury said. "If they ask me or wanted me to go and speak or hang out with these young boys, that's what I do on a daily basis. I talk about the subject pretty much nonstop. It's been amazing since this Penn State stuff's come out, I've been doing a lot of radio shows in the U.S. My e-mail box that comes from my website is pretty full of people finding the courage and finding the strength to come forward and reveal to me that they were also abused."

Added Fleury: "One in three girls, one in five boys by the time they're 18 years old have been sexually molested. One-quarter of the world's population by the time they're 18 years old have been sexually molested, which is a pretty significant number. It's the biggest epidemic we have on the planet.

"For many, many years, such as Penn State, such as the Catholic Church, such as the Boy Scouts of Canada, we have either tried to cover it up or we've completely shut up, we just don't talk about it. I really believe we've just opened up the Pandora's box here. I always say more will be revealed. I can see in the near future, because it's top of mind right now and it's on everybody's mind, I really believe that there will be a lot more people, a lot more survivors, listening to interviews such as myself. And not only that, the more people that talk about the gruesomeness and the disgust of what happened at Penn State, I think it will give other victims across the board that courage and that strength to come forward and move forward. That's my hope, and that's why I get up every day with my feet hitting the floor running is to have that opportunity to help somebody."

Fleury talked about how abuse victims feel when betrayed by a authority figure.

"It's just kind of a vicious cycle that starts," he said. "You feel like you're a hamster on the wheel, just going around and around and around, and there's really not a lot you can do about it."

Fleury turned to alcohol and drugs to help him deal with his emotional issues and help him get some sleep. His substance-abuse issues eventually forced him to end his NHL career early.

"Probably for 25 years of my life after [the abuse], I never slept," he said. "I was abused in a dark room. So, needless to say, every time I closed my eyes at night, I went back to that dark room. The booze and the drugs allowed me to pass out and at least get some not great sleep, but at least allowed me to not think about anything."

The key to helping victims, Fleury explained, is to get them to understand they did not do anything wrong.

"It wasn't your fault. That's three words, and three very powerful words," he said. "Because like you said earlier, the abuse happens to us and we feel that we've played some part or some role in it. But really, at the end of the day, it wasn't our fault. We're just young boys trying to figure out life. Most of us, our parents are unavailable for us. That's an easy way in for these guys.

Asked if he would encourage victims to step forward and publicize their suffering, Fleury advised against it.

"It took me 27 years to get comfortable in my own skin," Fluery said. "And I know how the media deals with victims. They just re-victimize them. So, no. I would say no way. Get the help they need, feel safe and surround yourself with good people. The media's only interested in having you come unglued on camera, crying and breaking down and whatnot. Why would you put yourself through that?"

Fleury said one key to preventing cases of abuse is good parenting.

"In the past we could enroll our kids in some type of children's program, drop them off, go do our things, go to the grocery store or whatever it was, come back and know that our children are safe. Whereas today, you can't do that," he said. "You absolutely cannot do that. You have to actually parent your kids now to make sure that they're safe. Absolutely do not ever, ever, never, ever leave your kids to have any one-on-one time with anybody who is in a position of influence and guidance."

Asked if all abuse victims have issues later in life, Fleury said: "Once the abuse happens to us, we choose the dark side of life. Because like you said before, we feel it's our fault, we can't sleep because of the nightmares and all that stuff. We tend to go down the dark side of life, or we're angry or resentful. We like to get it back or take it out on society, so we end up in jail, or we end up murdering somebody, or we end up homeless or addicted to drugs and alcohol and sex and food and spending money, all that stuff. That's just a way to deal with that emotional pain and those emotional scars that are left behind.

"My wish is that these young boys at Penn State get the help that they need. It's going to be a long road for them. Most of the guys that I run into in my travels when I'm speaking or at a book signing or at an event, I meet guys in their 40s, 50s and 60s and 70s, and I'm the very first person they've ever told in their life. When they stand in front of me, I know the kind of destruction and failed relationships and marriages and messed-up kids that they bring into that conversation. It's an awful thing. But like I said, I've been able to find some courage and some strength to talk about this on a daily basis. Out of something bad, something great came out of it. And I will continue to be an advocate for children's safety, and hopefully someday put an end to all of this."

To hear the interview, go to the Dennis & Callahan audio on demand page.