BALTIMORE – Whenever I hear somebody try to voice some sort of introduction, the likes of which I’m going to be doing shortly, my mind immediately goes to one of the finest actors of our generation.  

“Hi, I’m Troy McClure,” said the character on the Simpsons (which, along with ‘Seinfeld,’ offers me all the one-liners I need). “You might remember me from such educational films as ‘Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly,’ and ‘Here Comes the Metric System.’”

Well, I’m Rob Bradford and you might remember me from … Hamilton-Wenham High School, Brewster Academy, Springfield College, NESN, the Salem Evening News, the Beverly Times, Hometown Publications, the Gloucester Daily Times, SchoolSports Magazine, the Lowell Sun, the Eagle-Tribune Publishing Co., WEEI Sports Radio, Comcast

Rob Bradford is taking a unique approach to his new endeavor as the Site Editor for WEEI.com -- recite quotes from Homer Simpson of "The Simpsons," reflect, and take the opposing view. Here are some that made the cut:

- "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

- "The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication."

- "I smell a museum." -- Bart Simpson. "Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.'"

- "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

- "Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything"
Quotes courtesy www.thesimpsonsquotes.com
 

SportsNet New England, ‘Chasing Steinbrenner, ‘Deep Drive,’ and (catching breath) the Boston Herald.

But now I find myself a stranger in a strange land. I am the Site Editor for WEEI.com. Good times!

In the words of Kip in Napoleon Dynamite, which is another pretty good source for catch-all phrases, as was once exemplified by WEEI.com’s fantasy football writer Kirk Minihane when comparing Drew Bledsoe to Uncle Rico (if confused, push up from rock and see movie) -- “I love technology.”

Heck, I made it snow asterisks on my Apple II with the best of them in seventh grade.

But, believe it or not, this is going to be way better than that, memorizing my “How to Beat Pac Man” book, or even identifying the San Francisco 49ers ‘ tight end screen that can’t be stopped on Tecmo Bowl.  This is going to be pretty cool.

(I just went to check word count, but stopped myself. I already love the internet.)

To give you an idea why I believe this is worth jumping off my dream job as a Red Sox beat writer and into a the land of ‘HTML,’ understand this: We are starting with a clean-slate moment with the opportunity to take all the best things from both the old and new media and implement them in a niche that hasn’t truly been occupied. And we can do this while in partnership with perhaps the most powerful sports media medium in New England, WEEI Sports Radio.

But guess what, James Buchanan probably thought he had a pretty good deal going when he was elected President of the United States in 1856, but that didn’t turn out so well, ending up on most historians lists as the worst of our Commander and Chiefs.

“James Buchanan might have failed,” I heard some guy who runs the ‘James Buchanan Society’ say in a documentary I just watched (don’t ask) say, “but at least he failed with dignity.” I’m sure that wasn’t part of the campaign promise.

We will also have dignity, but as Gene Kranz uttered in “Apollo 13” (not usually really good for go-to life-relevant one-liners) “Failure is not an option.” And it shouldn’t be. We have the tools to get the job done.

And, as I told the creator of this great venture, Tim Murphy, over the phone last week, I hope that we will have something in common with those astronauts Kranz guided. My plan is in 30 years to be one of those old guys, like Neil Armstrong, they interview for all of these pieces on the birth of the space program talking about the excitement, enthusiasm, and unknown that hovered around a ground-breaking endeavor.

We want our competitors and naysayers to look at us and be left with nothing more than another Simpsons line, “The whole thing smacks of effort!”

I probably won’t be talking to you from this perch as the ‘Site Editor’ much more, instead using this column space (and there’s so much of it … weeee!) to comment and report on the Red Sox and the like. But I wanted to leave you with this …

We have gone out of our way to hire people who are among the best at what they do, have a strong desire to kick derriere, and whose intentions are to run toward something great instead of sprinting away from something bad.  You might like some of the hires, and you may not. You could love life on the rapidly-evolving S.S. WEEI.com or maybe you wish to surf another wave.

That’s fine, but you should understand one thing … this is where all the cool kids are going to be. I guess I haven’t mastered one part of this gig -- proportionate subtlety. Oh well.

Glad to be here, hope you come for the WEEI and stay for the dot-com.