Let's get this out of the way: What I don't know about hockey could fill the Grand Canyon about 500 times over. 

There's a reason why I never write about the Bruins. I would really, really suck at it. I'd be better use for WEEI.com covering the elections in Zimbabwe. I'm a 36 handicap when it comes to hockey knowledge.

I watched every second of the seven games between the Bruins and Canadiens -- terrific theater -- and left as clueless when it comes to hockey as I was before Game 1. 

Fourth line depth, triangle power-play offense, forechecking, it all remains a mystery to me.

Really, the only question I feel I can answer with any clarity after Bruins-Canadiens is this: We know now what would happen if John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman had a baby boy.

His name would be Jack Edwards.

Look, I don't need my play-by-play guy to be out of the Pat Summerall school of vanilla on vanilla with a splash of vanilla. I'm all for some entertainment value. This is television, after all, not the Cato Institute.

But Jack Edwards has crossed the line between entertaining and buffoonery. If he had tripped over that line I would probably scream at him to "GET UP!" but he's already about 300 miles past the point of credibility and, I'm guessing, will never look back.

What we have watched with Edwards over the last year or so -- peaking, of course, in this Montreal series -- is a guy just trying to brand himself. No one really thinks Jack Edwards really believes any of the stuff he says during these games, right? Somewhere along the line he decided it would be good business to position himself as the voice of the fan instead of a guy calling hockey games. 

Is it forced? Of course. Has it worked? Of course. This is 2011, after all, where screaming catch phrases will get you a -- short-lived, perhaps -- spot on the sports landscape (maybe, gasp, even a mention in SportsCenter's Top 10). Edwards has traded his reputation as a broadcaster for prime piece of real estate in Homerville, USA. John and Suzyn live across the street, Hawk Harrelson right next door and, look, isn't that Tommy Heinsohn at the end of the cul-de-sac?

What Jack Edwards has tried to do is make himself a character in the whole Bruins dynamic. It's no different than a WWE announcer, really, save for the occasional inclusion in a ladder match. He is happy and willing to sacrifice quality for a sound bite, or the chance to jam in an obviously scripted line. 

We all know the greatest hits by now -- yelling at Roman Hamrlik to get up (smart move, in a league that has had no concussion problems that I can think of), laughing like a Bond villain at Flyers fans, comparing a Bruins win to the Revolutionary War  -- and we can now add another to the list. 

Here's what Jack had to say to close out the NESN broadcast on Wednesday. Think Jack Whitaker meets the Final Thought on the Jerry Springer Show.

As I was driving from the former seat of all NHL power, Montreal, through the free and independent states of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts today, it struck me what an odd thing royalty is. 

Royalty in modern times is something that is perpetuated by those who didn't actually make those great conquering achievements that established their reigns, but rather those who find themselves, because of a certain location in history and an accident of birth, to be in a position to 'carry on a tradition.

Yet, those royals sit there on their shiny thrones and primp in their hand mirrors and try to dictate morality according to them, about how you can dive, or how you should play, and how you shouldn't run a player into the center glass. And the rest of us, those poor filthy masses, are just supposed to take it. Well, a couple of hundred years ago a bunch of rowdy radicals charged out of some Boston bars, went down to the dock, and dumped the King's tea into the salty sea. 

And in doing that, it struck a chord that rings true even today, that when confronted when imperious conceit, fighting the good fight is not only the right thing to do, it can be a heck of a lot of fun. And who has more fun than us?

Troubling on so many levels. And let me state this in language so clear that it would be impossible to misconstrue: If you are a Bruins fan and you get a kick out of Jack's act, or wrap your arms around him as one of "us", swell. But when you do that, you lose any right to ever again criticize John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman, or any other announcer who celebrates his or her team at the expense of your own. Sorry, I am stripping you of that privilege.

(And who at NESN is green-lighting that "essay"? Someone thought that was a good idea? For a network that has done, I think, a superb job at hiring announcers -- Jerry Remy, Sean McDonough, Don Orsillo and Andy Brickley, for starters -- they have to take a hit for not just allowing Edwards to fall completely off the deep end, but enabling it.)

Listen, do you think Mike Gorman (the best local play-by-play guy of my lifetime by 50 lengths), Gil Santos and Orsillo want the teams they broadcast to win? Sure, no question about it. You can hear it, and that's OK and expected. But it never gets in the way with those guys, does it? With Jack Edwards it's about Jack Edwards first, game second. 

Also this: Unless there is a radio simulcast that I'm not aware of -- are the Bruins even on the radio? -- that someone at NESN who isn't telling Jack to calm down with the propaganda puppet routine could salvage his/her existence by at least telling Jack to let keep his mouth shut once in a while and let the game, you know, breathe. We don't need to hear everything going on at all times, Jack. It's TV. See the guy sitting on your right, the guy who played in the NHL and actually has something worth hearing? He's not there just to let you get your wind back after another four and a half minute filibuster.

I get that some Bruins fans have raised him to cult hero status. I get that he's good for an occasional laugh. And, again, I understand that this is entertainment. 

But, to me, Jack Edwards represents something else. Is it the death of credibility in Boston sports broadcasting? Probably a reach, but not by much. Whatever it is, it's not going to change anytime soon.

The Bruins advanced on Wednesday, and I suppose that's a good thing.

But that means more Jack Edwards, and that's not a good thing.

Even I know that.