One man's uneducated guess at five headlines you'll be reading over the next week …

1. Allen (28 points) leads Celtics to 90-78 win and 2-1 lead over Orlando

Does it strike anyone else as kind of awkward that Jeff Van Gundy doesn't acknowledge the head coach of the Magic during the broadcast? I mean, this is the lead analyst for ABC, for my money the best in at what he does in all of sports, and he can't either praise or critique one of the two people that does the job he used to do. And why? Because they have the same mom and dad? We get it, Jeff. You want Stan's team to win. No problem. We think enough of you to expect that you won't be chest-bumping that hideous P.A. guy every time Vince Carter dunks. For me, it would make things a lot more comfortable if the Breen/Van Gundy/Jackson troika had some fun with the situation. We aren't trying to take oil out of the Gulf of Mexico here. It's basketball. Go with it. I counted about 120 mentions of Doc Rivers by Jeff Van Gundy in the second and third quarters on Sunday (and Jeff, we don't need to hear a defense of Mike Brown. You are better than that.) and not a single one of Stan Van Gundy. Just weird, as if ABC is trying to sneak one past us. But we all know that they are brothers. I don't get it. I was less confused by last week's episode of "Lost," which I didn't think was possible. Hey, maybe Stan and Jeff are the modern-day Man in Black and Jacob and ABC can't tell us that they are brothers or some island will fall off the face of the earth. Think we've got the answer.

2. Yankees hammer Beckett, complete two-game sweep with 8-4 win

I'll admit this one surprised me. Thought they were playing next week. It seems like they just finished playing that Sunday night game, right? This is the least anticipated Red Sox-Yankees series since… when, exactly? Been a while. It's just too much, isn't it? It's going to feel like work, sitting through four hours of Nick Swisher adjusting himself and 922 pitching changes. 

Why is this baseball season wearing me down? It's May 17 and I'm ready for the playoffs. The thought of another four-plus months of regular season baseball is depressing. It never ends and never takes a break. And you can't ever give a regular season (pre-Labor Day, anyway) game too much weight. So it just sort of stays there, a low hum in the back of your head that you can't shake. That's probably not going to be MLB's slogan for the summer of 2010.

I'm smelling a lost season for Beckett. On and off the DL, one good start followed by two bad ones. Put it this way: You are going to get a lot of "Beckett determined to put 2010 behind him" stories in February and March of 2011. 

(Oh, and the Yankees are skipping Javy Vazquez again in the rotation. No problem, Joe Girardi told us why a couple of weeks ago. It's not because he has an ERA that would be a lousy interest rate during the Carter administration and a WHIP that would actually be a decent GPA. Nope, the reason the Yankees had to monkey around with the rotation is not for Vazquez to avoid the Red Sox -- heavens, no -- but so that he can be the first pitcher for the Yankees when inter-league play starts on Friday.

"He has the most experience hitting," Girardi explained.

Oh. I'm sold. And you wonder why 100.1 percent of the media is bitter and forced to turn to ice-cream sandwiches and ripping each other for comfort? Try having to listen to that stuff all season. Hey, gotta get that career .238 on-base percentage in the lineup as fast as we can!)

3. Cavaliers fire Mike Brown, "committed" to signing James

Not sure what Dan Gilbert is waiting for. He has cause. Just the Shaq on Garnett move in Game 6 alone would be enough for me. 

Look, LeBron is done with Mike Brown. If you watched his press conference after Game 6 you understand that. He tossed Brown under the bus, then proceeded to run him over so many times that TNT was legally forced to cut away for fear of an FCC fine for excessive violence. So if you are the Cavaliers it's pretty simple. When you pitch LeBron to stay in Cleveland you tell him that he can pick the head coach. Whoever he wants. Now, in a perfect world, a 25-year-old (with zero NBA titles) wouldn't have that kind of script approval. But it is what it is. It's a players league, and he's one of the two best players in the world. So you live with it. 

(One name that I can promise you won't be mentioned is John Calipari. He posted on his Twitter page that he's staying at Kentucky next season, so there's no shot he'd go back on his word just to make $30 million and have the chance to coach LeBron for the next eight seasons in LA or Chicago. Nothing to see here. All Cal has is his word, and he'll never abandon that. And when I see the kind of garbage that the Chicago Tribune posted on Monday it makes me want to get a law degree so I can represent Cal in a libel suit against that rag. The man is not leaving Kentucky. Did you not read the Tweet?)

4. Moyer wins career No. 264, Phils lead NL East by six

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how Mark Recchi has been around forever and used the fact that Robert Kennedy was alive when Recchi was born as an example of how old he is. Well, John F. Kennedy was alive when Moyer was born. So was Herbert Hoover. Moyer was born in the same year as Darryl Strawberry. He was born the same year as the guy who plays Roger Sterling on "Mad Men."  He was once teammates with Davy Lopes. Davy Lopes is now 65 years old. Point is that Moyer has some miles.

Moyer has won 197 games since the team traded him in July of 1996. No pitcher in Red Sox history has won that many games with the club. Now it's insane to blame the Sox for trading Moyer. No one could forecast that this would happen. He was 33 years old in 1996 and had a career record of 66-77. It would be like trading Randy Wolf today. We are talking a once in a generation kind of thing. And if Moyer could somehow stick around for another couple of years and get close to 300 wins it'll be a heck of a Hall of Fame case for the voters. Never one of the 10 best pitchers in baseball, sure, but would you rather have the eighth best pitcher in baseball for five years or the someone in the 25-35 range for a decade-plus? Tough call. And match up Moyer with Jack Morris and you've pretty much got a wash, by the way. Look it up.

Too bad the Sox miss Moyer this weekend. Can I put in a request for a Moyer/Tim Wakefield matchup when the teams meet again in June. Teammates in 1996 and a combined age of 90? Has to happen. 

5. Flyers complete sweep of Habs, earn first Cup final since 1997

You just know the Canadiens are going to be awful in this series, which would normally be a nice distraction for Bruins fans but now is kick in the twins. And if the Flyers go on to actually win the Stanley Cup? Brutal. And yes, I'm prepared to accept this as the worst in-series collapse in sports history. Up 3-0 AND blowing a 3-0 lead in a Game 7? What's the baseball equal of a 3-0 lead in a game? Is it 6-0, 7-0? And do the Bruins look at the glass as half-full or half-empty as they head into the offseason? Are they the team that beat Buffalo and went up 3-0 on the Flyers or are they the team that blew the 3-0 lead (or leads) and barely made the playoffs. One thing for sure: They picked the right season to fluke into the second pick of the draft. That's the only Bruins story that has any juice until they get back to the playoffs.