To borrow a phrase from the great Ed Rooney (a beautiful man -- and a happy 25th anniversary to Ferris Bueller's Day Off), "I don't trust Plaxico Burress any further than I can throw him." 

Arrests? Sure.

Temporary restraining orders? I mean, just a couple. But who am I to judge? I'm still not allowed within 500 yards of Jack Edwards (which, I can tell you, makes going to Bruins games quite a chore).

Pending civil lawsuits? Only one.

OK, we can all agree that Burress isn't exactly a favorite to win the 2011 Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year Award. And the sight of Drew Rosenhaus hugging Burress as the wide receiver was released from prison last Monday (literally the exact opposite of the final shot of The Shawshank Redemption) was an all-timer on the Vomit Scale.

And I have limited at best confidence that Burress -- who will be 34 years old in August and out of the league since 2008 -- can still be a productive NFL wideout.

So knowing all this -- and believing the claims by Burress that he's a changed man about exactly as much as I believe every "I'm a changed man" claim by a guy coming out of prison, rehab or a sex scandal -- I still think it makes all the football sense in the world for the Patriots to try sign him if this lockout ever ends (sorry, Bill Burt, WHEN this lockout ends).

Why not? Look, clearly there are caveats. If Rosenhaus really thinks Burress is going to be paid like a top guy at this position, it's a non-starter and you call the agent for Chad Ochocinco or Donte Stallworth or whatever player you think is best equipped to fill the void that does exist when it comes to a skilled receiver with size. A team-friendly contract is a must. If he signs it and turns out to be Torry Holt Redux you've got an easy call. 

Now is locking up Plaxico Burress (didn't even mean that) a top priority for this team? Nope. I think there is a tendency around here to put too much weight on that playoff loss to the Jets and maybe not give enough credit to just how good this offense was in the nine games leading up to the postseason. What you saw from Tom Brady, Deion Branch, Wes Welker, the undrafted running back duo and the rookie tight ends wasn't a a fluke. If they don't make a significant move to add another skill player in the offseason I think you are looking at a top five offense whenever next season begins (assuming Logan Mankins is back -- a large leap, I suppose).

The Patriots don't need Burress in the sense that they need Mankins, for example. And while the idea that that this organization is a perfect landing spot for a player with a shaky past -- think Corey Dillon, Bryan Cox, Brandon Meriweather -- it's arrogant at best to think that it's the only place a guy can go to start his Road to Redemption. The Patriots don't have a monopoly on career rescue. He could go back to the Steelers or Eagles and maybe thrive. Who knows? 

And the notion that Brady and Belichick and the lure of a Super Bowl (which you might remember is a game that Burress has played in and won) makes this a natural comparison to Randy Moss in 2007 strikes me as shade below ludicrous. First of all, Plaxico Burress -- at his peak -- was a very good wide receiver (let's be fair, we have no idea if he still is). Randy Moss is one of three or four best ever at the position, a first-ballot Hall of Famer who was at the absolute savage apex of his perhaps unequaled talent in his first year with the Patriots. But that's OK -- the Patriots don't need the Randy Moss of 2007. They don't even need the Randy Moss of 2008 or 2009. 

The truth is -- with this offense -- all they really need is a slightly better version of Randy Moss, 2010. Anything else almost gets in the way, an overproduced album. The Moss of last season is an easy target today: the Week One post-game pity party, fighting with Bill O'Brien, ending his brief Vikings run by quitting on a ball in a pathetic effort in Foxboro and then the "Did that even happen?" era in Tennessee. But if the guy had kept his mouth shut and acted like an adult he would have had value to the Patriots, even with a Jim Rice in 1987 decline in skill. 

Why? Because he was still Randy Moss. He had to be accounted for. Watch a tape of that Patriots-Vikings game, it sure seems that Belichick (knowing that Moss wasn't really Moss anymore) was first focused on taking Moss out of the game. If Burress is healthy, in shape and motivated, it doesn't seem to me a large leap to think that he can be that kind of player. Does 35-40 catches and six or seven TD's seem a huge reach to anyone? 

Burress wouldn't have to play every down and doesn't have to be anywhere near Brady's main target. A chance for him to get his NFL sea legs back, and a chance for the Patriots to add a piece that could help them, you know, actually win a playoff game or two.

The pitch really comes down to this: One season, at absolutely zero risk, the classic "You use me and I'll use you" scenario.

For Burress, wouldn't this be a shot actually worth taking?