When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth. Another guy likes Kate Middleton. This guy is into Kate Hudson. And another prefers Kate Gosselin. (Wait — strike that. No one likes Kate Gosselin.) But you get my point. If you’re above a certain age you grew up calling this the classic “Ginger vs. Mary Ann debate,” and the answer told you everything you needed to know about what kind of a person someone is.

Well, the same is true about football coaches. When it comes to filling out a roster, every coach in the NFL has his own particular type of player he prefers. Dick LeBeau of Pittsburgh has always tried to build his defenses around fast but physical bruisers. In Indy, Jim Caldwell and Tony Dungy before him have gone for quicker athletes who can cover a lot of ground in their Tampa-2 scheme. Rex Ryan likes to surround himself with obnoxious self-promoters, serial baby-daddies and career criminals. And so on.

And Bill Belichick is no exception. Like any coach, he has his “types.” Though his are a little harder to pin down. We’ve had 12 offseasons of His Hoodedness running things here in New England. And as my wife, my family, my friends and my employers will tell you, I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of that time trying to get a handle on exactly what kind of player he likes to build his team around.

To bring the analogy full circle, a coach’s taste in players is like a guy’s taste in women. It changes. Styles change. The league changes. You adapt. Some look great when they’re young but don’t age well. Others don’t seem like much but they blossom. But through it all you’re still drawn to certain types.

And after years of careful study ... this bizarre, truncated 2011 offseason included, here’s what I’ve been able to decipher about Bill Belichick’s preference in players. The football equivalent of his Match.com profile, if you will.

He’s got a thing for bad boys.

This is the one thing ... and the one thing only ... I would say Belichick has in common with women. There’s not a chick in the world who doesn’t think every bad boy can change, and she’s just the girl to do it. It’s like that episode of “The Simpsons” in which the girl Bart liked had a crush on Jimbo the bully. So Bart says, “I don’t get what girls see in him. He’s just a good-looking rebel who lives by his own rules,” and the girl and Lisa both sigh. Belichick has a track record of reforming guys like that. Of corriging the incorrigible. I think he truly enjoys it. The obvious examples are Corey Dillon and Randy Moss, and they are good ones. But they’re not the only ones. He won a championship in 2001 by bringing in Bryan Cox, who had a reputation as a feral maniac. Rodney Harrison had a reputation as the cheapest of shot artists. Brandon Meriweather was involved in a shooting incident at the University of Miami. Brandon Spikes went all “Three Stooges” on a Georgia player's eye at Florida. This year Belichick brought in Albert Haynesworth, Ryan Mallett and Chad Ochocinco, who have such reputations as coach-killers the 2011 Pats could be indicted under RICO. But the Hood can’t resist the chance to save them.

He’s got a soft spot for underdog stories.

Belichick collects undersized overachievers the way little boys take stray dogs home and ask if they can keep ’em. Wes Welker. Deion Branch. Danny Woodhead. Julian Edelman. His latest charity case (no disrespect intended) might just be Buddy Farnham, a 185-pound undrafted wide receiver from that noted football factory, Brown. Farnham came off the field after a nice catch and run last week against Jacksonville, and the normally stoic Belichick did everything but scratch him behind the ear and say “Who’s a good Ivy Leaguer? Yes! You are ...”

But in some spots he likes them big.

The personals ads have a nice little acronym: BBW. It stands for big, beautiful woman, and it says you like full-bodied ladies, which is a lot more polite than saying “chubby chaser.” Well it’s obvious by now that on his defensive front, Belichick loves the fat guys. Haynesworth, Vince Wilfork, Gerard Warren, Ron Brace, Brandon Deadrick, even defensive end Shaun Ellis, are all north of 310 pounds each. And if things go according to plan, the opposing backfield is going to look like the Chicken Fingers station at the Old Country Buffet.

He prefers quiet guys.

I suppose this is stating the obvious. I mean, we all saw him pull back the hood and show the human being under the robot exoskeleton when consummate, speak-when-spoken-to pros like Troy Brown, Tedy Bruschi and Harrison retired. But inside of five minutes after he parted ways with Adalius Thomas, it was like George Jetson there never existed. And I can’t help but think that Jerod Mayo, the non-Twittering, under-the-radar quiet leader with no endorsement deals is his current favorite on the roster. The fact that Ocho isn’t saying much, ironically enough, speaks volumes.

He values intellect.

One thing you can always look for in potential Patriots as you’re combing through draft scouting reports is the word “smart.” 2011 first-rounder Nate Solder had a 3.94 GPA at Colorado. Every report I saw about 2010 first-round pick Devin McCourty used the word “cerebral.” Hell, even punter Zoltan Mesko can kick a ball in every language but Klingon. It says a lot that no coach on his staff with the exception of Pepper Johnson played pro ball; these coaches were mostly prep school guys who had to learn the game while breaking down game film and fetching coffee for the coaches as some graduate assistant somewhere.

He only wants players who are football lifers like himself.

This is the biggie. The litmus test that tells you it’s meant to be. The equivalent of the test about the Colts that Steve Guttenberg gives his girlfriend in “Diner” to make sure she’s marrying material. You can be many things, but if you’re not serious about football, Bill Belichick can never be serious with you.

Of course, like in any relationship you have with 53 guys, it’s more complicated than this. But I’m comfortable that I’ve got the basics summed up pretty well here. Besides, when you’re searching for a soul mate, you’ve only go so much space. So for your future reference, I’ll reduce this all to personals ad form:

Single white football coach, 59. Seeks long-term, committed relationship with like-minded player. Likes: Independent men. Height: Not important for skill positions. Weight: Prefer BBLinemen. Seek soft-spoken, intellectuals for long walks on the practice field. Dislikes: Self-promoters. Loudmouths. Selfish guys. People who talk about contracts at press conferences. "Jetsons" references. If football is your whole life and you seek same, give me a try. We will put rings on each other’s fingers and have a lifetime of happiness. No smokers. No weirdos.

Follow Jerry on Twitter @JerryThornton1