Welcome, Celtics Nation! Where you been all year?
This week, we get to snack on a plate full of doucheburgers while finding out what it means to diddle a mailbag. I don’t know what Dickerson and Tanguay do on their blog, but there’s no way it holds a candle.
All together now: Green 18!....
Throughout this playoff excursion of the Celtics, I have been struck by the seeming indifference of Paul Pierce. His play has been mediocre at best and the sight of him actively looking for Scal to bail him out of a bunch of fruitless drives during the Orlando series was a bit startling. This guy effectively willed the Celtics to the championship last year but, in this year’s playoffs, he looked like a guy who was beaten. To me, the enduring memory of last year’s playoffs was Pierce out-hustling LeBron for the crucial jump ball in Game 7. The Celtics needed that Paul Pierce this year and he was nowhere to be found. I trust your ability to be critical so I’m asking g….did PP mail it in without KG around? I suppose it might be a natural inclination: With no chance to win it all, why kill yourself just to advance to the point of getting annihilated by the Cavs? At this point, we expect more of Pierce and he was rarely the best guy on the court in either of the playoff series.
A: Do I think Paul Pierce “mailed it in?” No. That’s going too far. But he certainly didn’t elevate his game, did he? Yes, he played a big role in some wins (eight points at the end Game 5 against the Bulls; the assist to Baby in Game 4 at Orlando). But overall, his play in the postseason was below what we’ve come to expect. I think that’s more fact than opinion (3 points against Orlando in Game 2; 16 points, two rebounds and three assists in Game 7 vs. the Magic). I have no idea why that was. It just was. And it was disappointing. We all knew the Celts would go down eventually. But they did not go down playing their best basketball, and Pierce was a big part of that. Not as big as Ray Allen, though.
But you know what? I’ve come to the realization that my issues with the Celtics these past couple of months have more to do with the fawning media coverage they received than with the team itself. I kept hearing how they went “as far as they could go.” Really? Blowing a 10-point, second-half lead in Game 6 at Orlando and then being blown out by 19 points at home in Game 7 was as good as they could do? How does that make sense? I think it was just easier for the Green Teamers (which turns out be the entire Boston media, not just my Comcast brethren) to fall back on the cliches that didn’t even apply. You know, they “fought hard to the finish.” Or they “did everything they could.” I don’t believe that’s what happened.
To me, there isn’t much in the sports cliché book that is more BS than ``team X doesn’t have the heart/guts/killer instinct to win.’’ Everyone was saying that about Orlando after game 5. Remember, if the phantom it-hit-the-rim-so-it’s-Boston’s-ball call isn’t made, Orlando is probably up 3-2 in the series going into Game 6. All the on-air talent on WEEI beat the same silly drum in regards to the Bruins. They all said after the Bruins’ win in game 5: ``If Boston wins Game 6 in Carolina, the series is over.’’ How’d that work out? In most cases, the more talented team wins. And heart usually doesn’t have much to do with it.
A: That’s certainly the case in the NBA, Brett. In the NHL, less-talented teams that work harder and get better goaltending routinely beat favored opponents. I think that was the case in the Carolina series, although goaltending was not the deciding factor. But you’re right about what everyone said on the radio about B’s-Hurricanes Game 7; it was an automatic win. How ridiculous. Those were the same people who tried to convince us the Bruins dominated in Game 6 in Carolina even though it was obvious the Canes gave the B’s the same problems that they had earlier in the series. Rookies.
As for the C’s, I still think they were/are more talented than Orlando, even without KG. I know that because I listen to the folks who cover the team, the ones who told me repeatedly that Paul Pierce is a Top 5 player, Rajon Rondo is a Top 3 point guard and Ray Allen is a deserving All-Star. So either those players failed to step up, or they aren’t what we’ve been told they are. Heart, guts, balls -- I don’t know what you call it and I don’t know if they were even factors. I just think the C’s underachieved.
Subj: Celtics quit?
First, some house cleaning: I heard you mention Smender Kalish on the Baseball Show Sunday. That’s right, Smender, not Smendrick. I would appreciate you not correcting me when I am right. (Felger: Excellent job by you).
Now, on to the important stuff: I heard you on in the morning Tuesday. Loved the irony. Schilling says Callahan wouldn’t talk that trash to River’s face, and sure enough, the very next day, Doc is on and Callahan is out.
But my concern, as a chronic, is you. So this piece of advice is free. Stop with the Celtics quit/choked business. They lost to the better team. Don’t believe it? Neither did I. Neither did anyone else around here. Unfortunately, what people believe has nothing to do with what is true. Hell, some people still believe George Bush was a good President.
Check the facts (seriously, check them. I, too, have a job and so have no time for research), the Magic beat the Celtics six out of the nine times they played after KG went down. Thinking something is true doesn’t make it so. And being wrong about a team doesn’t mean they quit. At least that’s what we say here at the grown up’s table.
A: I don’t think I ever said the Celts quit. Choked, yes. I’ve said that. And I stand by it, because I think the C’s have more talent. But even if they don’t (and, again, as you said, that would make everyone around here wrong about how good these players are), they were still up 3-2, had a 10-point lead in the second half of Game 6 and had a Game 7 at home to fall back on. And in the deciding game, they lost by 19 and were outscored by 14 in the fourth quarter. If that’s not a choke, it’s pretty darn close. But I never said quit. They just didn’t step up. And they certainly didn’t “fight to the finish.”
Stay chronic, my friend.
Subj: Garnett a warrior? Hahahahaha
If Garnett is a warrior in the NBA, then what would that make a guy like Recchi? Garnett wouldn’t make it two days in the NHL. Rondo is a soccer player at heart and Pierce is a total drama queen. Garnett was on the bench running his mouth and writing checks his teammates had to cash. Calling that guy a warrior is a joke. Ainge could have let him off the hook but never did....That tells me a lot. I don’t think we need statues of Bruins players all over the city celebrating their toughness. Maybe just one Mt. Rushmore-type with all the really hurt guys that kept playing. What happened to the ``heart of a champion’’ and ``never say die’’ lines the Celtics were using last year? Maybe they had their ring and were satisfied.
A: The Bruins certainly had a lot of tough guys, as all hockey teams do. I agree. But a Mt. Rushmore monument for Chuck Kobasew and Andrew Ference? Maybe we should wait for them to get out of the second round before we go there.
As for the Garnett “warrior” thing, I think that’s also the fault of the Boston media. How do we know he’s a warrior? How do we know what his pain threshold is? Maybe it’s low. Maybe it’s high. Ainge kept saying the injury was nothing structural, there was no risk of further damage and the decision to play was up to the player. Maybe other guys would have played with the same injury. Maybe no one could have played through it. We don’t know. Yet we all assume he’s a warrior. Maybe he is. Maybe he’s not. Why don’t we just stick to what we do know: he hurt his knee, it caused him a lot of pain and discomfort and he remained on the bench.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Subject: Felger, YOU SUCK!
The Celtics were not the superior team in Game 7. The grind got to them. They were hurt, tired and had old legs. They did not have enough bigs and the bigs they did have left could not jump and pull the ball off the glass. This was exposed over a seven game series. They would have been smoked by Cleveland. At least Orlando might have a chance to maybe steal game one off a rusty Cleveland. The only good thing is that I get a refund on my unused playoff tickets and probably would be saved from watching Cleveland win in the Garden.
You are a contrarian and know nothing about basketball or football or any sport. Stick to fashion design. It’s obvious your wife wears the pants in your family.
A. J. Gemperline
A: No kidding the Celts weren’t the better team in Game 7, AJ. That’s why I think they deserve criticism. They got badly outplayed by a less-talented team. And if they don’t deserve to be “criticized” given all they’ve accomplished the last two years, fine. Just don’t tell me they should be celebrated for crapping out at the end of a series that was well within their grasp.
As for the Wood wearing the pants -- duh. Obviously. And she’s pretty spectacular in those pants, I have to say.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Subject: Felgy continues to flame
It’s about time you learn the difference between being an intelligent contrarian and a loud-mouth fool. Have you always been a complete a-hole? Or has your stock-in-trade been to try to be an a-hole for so long that it now comes naturally?
Even when it became obvious that you were wrong about the Patriots and Matt Walsh, you persisted in being a bombastic, dumb ass fool. Now you are behaving likewise regarding the Celtics.
A: No I haven’t always been a complete a-hole. I’d say I’ve fallen into it the last 10-15 years. But it certainly does come naturally. And I don’t think anyone would argue with you when you say I continue to flame.
Finally, from time to time I advise certain readers and e-mailers that the fan forums may be a better place for them than this here mailbag. Something tells me you might fall in that category.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Subject: Felger is full of (expletive)
Felgy, you’re full of (expletive) – and I hate saying that because I like you. I remember you saying that the Patriots, without Tom Brady, should win the AFC East or they’re not as good as everyone thinks. You argued that with this coaching staff and the leaders in the locker room there was no excuse for them to miss the playoffs. And I agreed completely; still do. Now this morning you say they won 11 games and went as far as they could. Way to back off, you dink. Brady should be the difference between a championship, not the playoffs with the ``great defensive mind of Belichick.’’
I agree that the Celtics should have won this series, but I also recognize when you lose a key starter and a key bench guy in basketball, it’s tough to win on a short rotation. I would have killed them and lost respect for them if they lost to Chicago, but not the Magic. At least their heart and grit took them to Game 7. Where was the Patriots heart?
A: Have you noticed that Dennis and Callahan listeners seem to fall back on the phrase, “you suck?” Correct me if I’m wrong, but this particular insult doesn’t seem to be quite as popular as it once was. Leave it to me to bring it back. Either way, I’m happy to embrace the D+C vernacular here at the d-bag mailbag.
Oh, as for your point Pete: I do think the Pats deserve some criticism for not making the playoffs -- because their shortcomings on defense had nothing to do with Tom Brady’s injury. You’re right. But I still think the Pats did more without their best player than the C’s did without theirs.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Felger, you suck!!! (Felger: See?) It is the most disappointing morning of my month when I hear you filling in. Please stay home and diddle your mailbag and stop ruining my day!
A: That’s exactly what I’ve chosen to do today, Mike. Diddling as we speak. Woo!
Question One: With the possible exception of Joba Chamberlain, have you ever seen anyone look like they stink as badly as Pao Gasol? This testament to European hygiene is seven snarling feet of sweat, whom I’m pretty sure had armpit hair grafted onto his scalp and face.
Question Two: What are the odds that Gasol HASN’T used groupies as an excuse for some multi-dude ``get-togethers’’ and worked on his ball handling with fellow mouth-breather Sasha Vujacic? Gasol already spends half of his time hanging out with that twitchy cretin; but do you think it’s even possible that these two deviants don’t have nightly, velvet-themed Euro-sex parties with the desperate Grade C groupies who were a little too consensual for Kobe’s liking? (Helpful Hint for the ladies: Kobe doesn’t like you to come across too eager. The NBA -- Where Ignoring Rape Happens!)
A: Speaking of filthy athletes, did you get a good look at the cat on the mound for the Blue Jays on Tuesday? I swear the following is true: We were sitting on the set at Comcast waiting to do our live shot with Bradford at Fenway when the feed clicked over and a camera inside the clubhouse was focused on a mangy-looking dude who looked like he just stumbled out of a Phish concert. “Why are we shooting the cleaning guy?” asked Tanguay. “I think that’s just another cameraman,” I answered. “Dude needs a bath.” Then I looked again. “I actually think that’s Brian Tallet.” Of course, Tanguay had no idea who I was talking about.
Whatever happened to Blake Wheeler? I didn’t see him at all in the Carolina series, nor did I hear about him being injured. To where did he disappear?
A: Buried in the rookie wall, Josh. Bitz was much fresher and more active by the end, perhaps because he didn’t play nearly as much during the regular season. I still like Wheeler better long-term, though. More skills.
He was the worst f’in player on the ice every time he was on the ice. The biggest issue in Game 7 was shots. Cam Ward was not uncomfortable at all, brutal.
A: The Montador issue was a big one, but not entirely the B’s fault. If Ference and Hunwick were healthy, he probably would have gotten half the ice time he did. On the other hand, you have to wonder if the B’s should have done better at the trade deadline. Joe Hags (yes, I’m being serious here) did a good job of detailing that here.
Sent: Friday, May 15
To: ALL the Bruins players minus Tim Thomas
You guys should be ashamed of yourself. You are down two games, come back to tie the series at three apiece and in game seven you come up like five (expletive) high-school defenseman newbie’s who can’t produce any offense...RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN FANS THAT HAVE FINANCIALLY SUPPORTED YOU THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. SHAME ON YOU!!
For 60 minutes you’re timid? I’ve watched every single Bruins game this season and I know they were better then that. I know what the problem wasn’t: Claude Julien, they should sign him to a multi-year contract, five years minimum. And Tim Thomas -- excellent throughout the season. This type of problem has to be either an injury problem or attitude problem in the offensive or player leadership.
If it’s an injury problem they did a good job of covering it up.
PS. Cam Ward SUCKS. I could get a hockey puck past him by throwing one from the stands into his net. They should have won. Felger, forward this e-mail to the players, unless you are gutless too.
A: Where to begin? Cam Ward doesn’t suck. He’s better than your guy, Mike. And it turns out injuries may have been a bigger factor than we thought, although I think the B’s still should have won. Recchi had a kidney stone removed 24 hours prior to Game 7? Wow. Kobasew broke two ribs in Game 1 and played the whole series? Hmm. I was actually glad to hear that Kessel had a torn rotator cuff AND a torn labrum, because I would hate to think he was that awful at 100 percent. Savard said he would have missed two weeks with his knee injury had it occurred in the regular season. And he didn’t miss a game. Turns out there were a lot of needles being used in the trainer’s room this spring. Don’t know if that changes anything for you.
But lest I get accused of a Celtics/Bruins double-standard let me make it 100-percent clear: THE B’S STILL SHOULD HAVE WON. The same thing applies to them as the Celtics: Either they choked or they weren’t as good as we thought they were.
Experience certainly matters, and doesn’t defer to talent (Dale). Bruins learned a lot last year vs. Montreal but still ultimately lost a close series. Playing as underdogs suited them and they didn’t crack until they were actually favored (most hockey pundits picked them to win in Game 7 in Montreal). Seems to be the same this year. They have to gain experience playing as the favorites (Montreal doesn’t count). Few teams (Detroit) have this. Most (San Jose, Capitals, Bruins) need to acquire it. The best team in the regular season very rarely wins the Cup. The Bruins were favored vs. Carolina all throughout the series, until down 3-1. Surprise….they play well again….Until Game 7, when they were again favored and played nervous for two periods (says Claude). Actually, the same seems somewhat true of Carolina, who played worse after being up 3-1 and great again as the underdogs in Game 7.
Thomas played at least as well as Ward (Felger), who allowed some juicy rebounds, but the Bruins never got them. That rebound actually never got to the ice so it was more of a great play by Walker than a juicy rebound. Timmy had harder saves throughout the series, except for Game 2, Ward on Ryder. He got the big contract because he’s the best goalie in the league (this year) and Rask is unproven. His flopping style is sometimes required to keep the puck out of the net. If he is flopping too much, it means that the Bruins are allowing too many great chances.
Lucic is a tough guy to compare other players to. He has the complete makeup of a competitor/leader. He’s 19 and is the best/most intense player on the ice most times. I thought he was gonna personally see to it that his team advanced. Every play he makes is influential. I know some (Felger) are down on Kessel, but he certainly shouldn’t be jettisoned as his age and rate of improvement still show a ton of promise. This is his first bad series. Every goal scoring winger (including Neely) has had them before.
If either the penalty killing or power play does their jobs, we win the game. Seems you have to lose before you can win. Hopefully, they’ve learned enough to play a full series no matter who the opponent.
A: The Walker overtime winner was a bad goal, Dave. No one can convince me otherwise. That was a harmless shot that should have been swallowed up by Thomas without a problem. My opinion on him hasn’t changed. He’s very good. Better than most. He’s just not “the guy.” Maybe Rask is the guy. Maybe he’s not. But I think you’ve got to find out.
I agree on Lucic. He was a force in Game 7, one of the few bright lights. My feelings on Kessel are well known: see ya. Finally, I don’t buy your “you-have-to-lose-before-you-win” thing. That had nothing to do with this. The B’s should have gained all the experience they needed in first round against Montreal last year.
Subj: Doucheburgers for everyone
The bruins marketing department should have put a little red and white striped cap on a certain B’s forward for game seven and we all could have made a drinking game out of Where’s Kessel?
And let’s not forget my other favorite little bear who came out of hibernation just long enough to give you a sportsgasm before disappearing himself again. What a bleeping tease. I sat down to dinner, ordered a fillet and Ramen noodles showed up at the table. Add to that, Montador is a bucket of suck and I would rather take a red hot poker in the eye than watch another 45 second shift with him.
That said, it’s not like Krejci and Kessel caught the Drew Flu. They have injuries requiring a trip to the OR and not a therapeutic massage and an Orange Julius to fix. Apparently, the B’s were running a M.A.S.H. unit out there, but were taking a page out Belichick’s book so we never knew that while Capitols players were scheduling tee times, the Bruins were scheduling surgeries around one another. The fact that this doucheburger Walker sucker punched Aaron Ward and then got to do a victory wiggle at center ice for making more contact with a puck in midair than David Ortiz has in 3 weeks caused projectile vomiting, though.
As for the Celtics, when Kessel is done with the red and white wool cap he can give it to Rondo, if he can find him. Someone should track him down and give him the memo, Skip to My bleeping Lou just outplayed you for the last two games of this series. Pierce played as old as Havlicheck looks. Hell, he and Allen looked old enough to begin principle photography on Cocoon 3, which I’m sure Ben Affleck or Donnie Walberg could get involved and produce. Both have extensive film experience with crap-tastic sequels.
The attitude that the C’s overachieved is BS -- and it’s not what got 17 banners in the rafters to start with. They are not the Bengals, the Bullets or some other team we expect to defecate the bed. They are/were the champs. I expected them to die hard, and that’s exactly what they did for almost 13 of 14 playoff games. From the last 8 minutes of Game 6 on, they looked slow, careless, sloppy and fatigued. I don’t think they laid down, but how anyone can say they played the best they could makes about as much sense as James Harrison’s commentary on politics. If they played the best they could, we’d be talking about a game 5 or game 6 ouster against the Cavaliers.
Just like outplaying LeBron and Kobe in the playoffs last year did not make Paul Pierce the best player in the NBA, getting outplayed by Turkoglu doesn’t make him a bum this year. It doesn’t mean Doc’s a bad coach, or they are bad players or a bad team.
A: Doucheburgers. And so the Felger spellcheck dictionary continues to grow.
I listened to you and Merloni talk about Vizquel. Just get a shortstop who can catch the ball. We don’t need offense. We had Gonzalez, who is the best-fielding shortstop I have ever seen. But he can’t hit, so let’s not sign him. Our GM has many blind spots. The shortstop position is his Waterloo. He’s had good shortstops who he’s jettisoned to go out and sign bums. He gets no grief in the press. His two biggest off-season challenges were shortstop and catcher and he ignored both.
A: Agreed that Theo has that teflon working for him. But that’s only because he’s done a lot of good things. He’s delivered on his promise to build a player development machine, and I think the Sox are going to contend for the next decade because of it. But, you’re right, he can’t find a shortstop. And until Ramon Ramirez came along, most of his setup (bullpen) acquisitions stunk.
As for Vizquel, I think Lou had a good point. Just get a guy in here who can field the position. The defense of Nick Green/Lugo has cost this team a couple of game already this year.
The Red Sox lead the majors with 43 GDP. The league average right now is 28 (AL average is 30). They hit into 147 last year and are on pace to hit into 183 this year. Absolutely brutal.
I suppose this is the obvious down side to constructing a lineup around slow hitters with high OBP.
A: More Theo bashing. But I disagree with this one. The OBP thing works, George. It just does. I don’t know how anyone could watch this team over the past five years and say it doesn’t. It’s not fun to sit though sometimes, and it leads to long, drawn-out games, but it wins.
I finally realized you are just another yahoo. you should probably just move to Washington or maybe get Snyder to change franchises with the Krafts -- then you could overpay all your favorite players and suck every year. Give branch $7 million, Asante $10 million, Vinatieri $5 million, re-up Ty warren now for $9 million because you think he is their best d-lineman. Oh no, I forgot. You think Vrabel is closer to Julius Peppers than Big Papi. Extend him for three more years so he can appear on your show. Now that Taylor signed for chump change and with all the veteran players out there looking for a job, maybe you should reconsider whether BB did Vrabel a favor or not. Just like in baseball, the economy is going to force guys to take Abreu deals.
A: You’re right, Pugs. Let’s not sign any of them because the Pats’ system is ultimately more important than the players. The system sure carried the inside linebackers in 2005 (Monty Beisel and Chad Brown). And it certainly covered up for the corners in 2008 (Fernando Bryant, Deltha O’Neal, Ellis Hobbs, etc). Oops. It didn’t? Wow. I thought Bill was always right. … And, yes, Deion was worth the $7m.
Talk to you next week, Pugs.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Subject: FELGER IS GOD!!!
Although I am a huge Jerry fan, I am stoked to have Felger on the radio this morning. Felgy, I know you have some controversial opinions, and you are the most hated man on this station, and possibly in all if Boston sports media, but anyone who has half a brain knows you are the man! Keep up the great work, Felgy. I am the mayor of Felger Island and we’re happy to hear you on the air again.
A: As Bill Murray said in Groundhog Day, “I’m a God. I’m not THE God. … I don’t think.”
I just noticed that D&H have almost 10 times as many people in their Facebook group than you do fans of your Comcast show. Maybe this facebook thread, started by my wife, explains it (names hidden to protect the haters):
Wife: Why can’t you become an ``anti-fan" of something? Like all the weirdo sports crap Shane is a fan of. Why can’t I be on the ``abso-friggin’-lutely not a fan’’ list? Like Mike Felger? Who the freak wants to be a fan of his?
Random Dude #1: Sign me up for that (expletive)! Maybe we could have ``Be A Hater?" That’s an app that would come in handy!
Random Dude #2: I’d really like a ‘dislike’ option....Michael Felger? I dislike this.
A: First of all, you’re saying D+H has more Facebook fans than “Sports Sunday”? You mean the midday show that’s been on the air for over a decade on the No. 1-rated sports radio station in the country is getting more play than my three-episode-old cable TV show? No way!
As for the hater option, we’re working on it. Believe me, we’re working on it.
Fw: Quit whining!
From: Rob Bradford and Kirk Minihane
God you are a third-class idiot! I think the bigger question is who the hell cares what you think? Whether you like it or not Favre still has fans worldwide. Let’s hear you write an ugly article about Michael Jordon, he came out of retirement twice. Roger Clemens three times, so lets hear it!! Or are you just a Favre hater. If the guy wants to play,. if his arm is OK, then let him play. How about Michael Vick, after the horrendous, God awful things he did, he’s likely to play again!! Now that’s just sick. So where do you stand on Vick? We’ve got players torturing animals and killing them, involved in drugs, beating there spouses and siginificant others. In the scheme of things if Favre wants to come back, to me that pales in comparison. A lot of you jerks forget, after beating the Patriots and then the unbeaten Titans, we were talking playoffs and Super Bowl. If not for the bicep problem, who knows what would have happened, although the defense kind of stopped playing after game 10 and the running game when south. His legacy is fine, what have you done or accomplished that you think you can judge this guy. Someone should just take a big steaming dump on morons like yourself. Your just not qualified in any way, shape to make any kind of judgments on Brett Favre.
Mike and Susie Higgins
A: Now I have to be a repository for other people’s hate mail, Rob? Like I don’t have enough issues myself? Keep your hands out of my bag, boys.
That being said, keep the faith Kirk.
To: Dennis and Callahan
Subj: What’s with you guys?
Dennis and Felger,
I have been listening to the Dennis and Callahan Show for a long time and it never ceases to amaze me that there is always some type of tension. I always thought that you (Dennis and Callahan) just were always on opposite sides of the spectrum in all cases. However, I’ve had an epiphany! You see, Felger is on and you still have this tension about the Celtics. One says they have no heart and gave up, while the other says they were physically and mentally exhausted. Today has cemented the fact that your show is nothing but a scripted soap opera. I can picture you guys early in the morning saying, `I’ll take this point of view and you take that one and that will make a great show’’ as you slap five and snort like little video game nerds. Stop scripting your show so much and focus on what happened. The Celtics GAVE UP! The Bruins, on the other hand, had four guys that had serious injuries and STILL PLAYED! Enough with your wimpy basketball Celtics talk and focus on the man sports!
Soap operas are for chicks
A: Yeah, Dino. Quit coming up with contrarian opinions just so you can disagree with me.
Felger You DB!
Our long Monday night NFL nightmare is over! Tony Kornheiser has decided to ``leave’’ Monday Night Football. And by leave he means ``he sucked so bad he was fired.’’ He had no insight, wasn’t funny and was basically like watching a game with an annoying relative every Monday night. At least with Uncle Morty, you can forget him at the home and get to watch a game in peace every now and then.
There was a moment that you knew that furry Muppet was going to suck and it was the first night he was on. On the inaugural MNF double header we got to see Tony and Joe Theismann have all the chemistry of a trailer park meth lab. And then in the second game Ron Jaworski and Dick Vermeil sounded exactly like a prime time announcing crew should. Smart, knowledgeable, to the point, and funny. Vermeil calling Keenan McCardell a ``7/11’’ because he was always open, was hysterical, and unlike Kornheiser’s drek, didn’t seem as forced as an Ellen Degeneres romantic comedy. Bring on Chucky!
So I read the Selena Roberts book. Wow, were you right on this. When you’re reading on the throne, and the dump is more enjoyable than the book, you know you have a literary circle jerk on your hands. I wish Ned Braden’s wife had handed me a copy with all the anonymous accusations underlined. So A-Rod is a needy, manipulative bitch who used Steroids. Got it. I didn’t need 246 pages to figure it out. I bet the Chinese Food place down the street from me could have conveyed the same info in a package that fit under my windshield wiper and would get me a free order of Crab Rangoon with a $25 order. It could could have been worse, however. Which reminds me, when is ``The Tony Allen Story’’ by Greg Dickerson hitting stores?
A: Right after “Ultimate Warriors: the heroic fight to the finish by Kevin Garnett and the 2008-09 Boston Celtics,” by Gary Tanguay.
Felger can be seen on Sports Sunday this Sunday at 10 p.m. on Comcast Sportsnet. This week, he gets yelled at by Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck. Reach Felger at firstname.lastname@example.org.