It’s been a great stretch for the Bruins over the last two weeks, as they’ve been coming out on top in playoff-style games against the iron of the Eastern Conference. Scoring for the team is down across the board, however, and Manny Fernandez still hasn’t played in a game since early January with a debilitating case of “general soreness.” The last time I was suffering from a harsh bout of general body soreness, I was ordered to go on three weeks of strict bed rest and a straight diet of coleslaw — so that kind of ailment needs to be watched carefully and, if not treated, could lead to a nasty bad case of “full body soreness.” Memo to the lockdown Bruins: just says it’s a back injury and be done with it. It’s difficult to keep a straight face when we’re presented with the notion that a hockey player can’t get back on the ice because of “general soreness.”
 
Fernandez’s long and grueling bout with general soreness should be over this week, however, when he’s expected to return between the Bruins’ pipes. 

Anyway, I can guarantee that the this week’s Hagg Bag will not contain any references to “Bromances,” GILFs, Barack Obama’s curious Cabinet choices, Middlesex League basketball scorers punching each other in the face, Larry Fitzgerald’s ample buttocks, Michael Felger’s unhealthy fascination with anybody and everybody’s rear end, how completely confused I am by the time-traveling hijinks currently going down in a very disorienting season of “Lost,” or the off-the-charts annoyance levels inspired by the soon-to-be Mrs. Haggs each time she exclaims, “Oh I want to see that” when the trailer for “He’s Just Not That Into You” comes on screen. (Drew Barrymore hasn’t inspired this kind of rage inside of me since “Fever Pitch.” A little piece of me dies every time I see that commercial and realize I’m going to be railroaded into seeing that movie at a theater near you.)

Instead, we’ll stick with all things related Bruins and a little tangent on the slight differences between Larry Johnson and me. There’s also a warning to Rob Bradford not to put together a Tecmo Bowl tournament without an invitation to the real players from the WEEI.com staff — otherwise, he might have another Felger-style mailbag mutiny on his hands. The Giants and Phil McConkey are mine, dammit!

In the meantime, if you have any “Hagg Bag” questions, comments, criticism or flaming bags of dog poo you’d like to leave on my doorstep, feel free to e-mail me at jhaggerty@weei.com. And now, on with the bag:

Joe,
Love Hagg’s bag! Keep up the good work. I was wondering if the B’s would have any serious interest in the Leaf’s Pavel Kubina or Tomas Kaberle. Both guys have been “rumored” to be available and they would fill a need as a puck moving defenseman. Both have reasonable cap numbers ($5 mil for Kubina; $4.25 mil for Kaberle) and are signed beyond this year (I concede that a player or two off the current roster would have to be moved to make this work for next year’s cap – Kobasew and Ward perhaps). If the B’s are interested, what kind of package would it take to land either player and would the Leaf’s be willing to make a trade with a division rival?
 
Mike

JH: First of all, thanks for professing your love for my bag. It’s there for all to enjoy. I hope someday when I walk down the street people will say “There goes Joe Haggerty … the greatest mail bagger who ever lived!” Or maybe not. But everybody has to have aspirations and “The Natural” was always my favorite baseball movie growing up as a baseball-loving kid, so there you go.

Anyway, I have heard some level of chatter/talk/rumors with regard to Kaberle, who was once again an All-Star defenseman for the Eastern Conference this season after posting 30 points for the Maple Leafs in 49 games. But the slick offensive defenseman is also a -12 for the scrappy Toronto club, and — most importantly — he’s signed for two seasons at $4.25 million a year through 2010-11.

Both could be in the neighborhood of Boston’s financial plans this season, given the $3.5 million chunk that Marco Sturm’s long term injured reserve will provide for the team. But a few things have changed since GM Peter Chiarelli hinted that the B’s were in the market for a defenseman at the beginning of the season.

First, Zdeno Chara has returned to full health after coming back from off-season shoulder surgery, and Dennis Wideman has developed into a legitimate puck-moving No. 2 defenseman to go along with Chara’s intimidating wall of defense act. Aaron Ward and Andrew Ference are both healthy again and right back into the mix as veteran players who bring a lot of playoff-friendly skills, and Matt Hunwick has emerged as an additional NHL-ready defenseman to give the Bruins both depth and options.

Point being is that defenseman is no longer the biggest need, so the B’s front office isn’t desperate to make a deal after poking around at blueliners on the trade market following the broken tibia injury to Ference way back in mid-November.

The biggest factor for not making the deal: both Kubina and Kaberle are under contract for more than just this season. The Bruins have plenty of financial considerations/worries over the next two seasons when it comes to resigning Tim Thomas (UFA), David Krejci (RFA), Phil Kessel (RFA), Milan Lucic (RFA after 2009-2010 season), and Marc Savard (UFA after 2009-2010) in the near future. The guess here: Thomas ($4.5 million per year), Krejci ($4.5 million per year), Kessel ($5.5 million per year) and Lucic ($2-3 million per year) will all be re-signed, but there will be a few trades that will hurt their depth and Savard may not return if it isn’t a very club-friendly deal.

Chiarelli won’t be adding salary for upcoming seasons to that mixture unless he’s A) convinced he’s bringing in a game-breaking talent that’s going to markedly improve an otherwise excellent team and make them a cinch lock for the Stanley Cup, and B) shedding significant salary in whatever deal is bringing that “game breaker” to Boston.
If you’re looking for a potential trade target from Toronto, then zero in on Nik Antropov, the 6-foot-5, lefty-shooting center that would add good size, decent strength, scoring ability in and around the net, and an expiring contract to the mix this season.

Here’s what Chiarelli said when I asked him about dealing for a puck-moving defenseman at the deadline: “I think the notion of (acquiring) the puck-moving defenseman really came about when Ference was out. Everyone is looking for that type of defenseman, and if you can add something like that to the mix, generally speaking, then it would be helpful. Everybody is looking for (defenseman), but there are not a lot of them out there.”

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Hey Joe,
 
I came across your blog, good stuff. Have you seen the site www.PleaseSellTheBruins.com? Take care.

Ice Roller

JH: Ice Roller, Ice Roller, Ice Roller. This is the most boring, trite, ill-conceived, played-out argument when it comes to the Bruins I still hear on a semi-regular basis. While I admire your passion in continuing to prop up a crusade that clearly had legit steam when Bruins ownership wouldn’t spend the extra bucks to furnish those Cam Neely and Ray Bourque with enough talent around them, the argument doesn’t hold water in the NHL’s salary cap era.

Jeremy Jacobs still raises the ire among Bruins Nation like nobody else this side of Ulf Samuelsson, and arouses suspicion that he could be the one factor capable of single-handedly taking down such a promising team if he suddenly opted not to spend up to the cap to retain their talented young crop of players. But it’s something of a moot argument in the salary cap area.

The Bruins are spending up to the cap. Jacobs and the ownership group at Delaware North have gobbled down the unsavory salaries of both Peter Schaefer (at Providence) and Glen Murray (rigor mortis-inspired retirement) to allow other younger, more-skilled players to take up roster spots. The colossal post-lockout mistakes are fading quickly into the rearview mirror, and Jacobs clearly made the right call in bringing in Chiarelli. Jacobs has also fiscally supported moves made to improve the product, and buys into Chiarelli’s philosophy of building a winner through the draft and development of “Bruins” type of players.

The B’s GM confirmed to me last week he is indeed engaged in contract extension talks with Jeremy and Charlie Jacobs, and that should continue to provide assurance to B’s fans that the hockey organization is headed in the proper direction. And, yes, I did in my head just drop off a prolonged, distinctly Canadian pronouncement of organ-eye-zation in my head as I wrote that. Call me a Canuck if you will, but please don’t turn out the lights.

Jacobs isn’t selling the Bruins any time soon and his son Charlie has taken an extremely active — and I would say positive — role in helping this team return to respectability along with everyone else. His presence has been pretty palpable on Causeway Street the last two years and he’s soldiered on in trying to do the right thing, despite some verbal and written slings and arrows shot his way over that time period.

Will the Montgomery Burns-like tendencies of the Jacobs ownership group during the 80’s and 90’s materialize again with so many players looking for contracts and No Whammies-type Big Money over the next two years? We’ll have to wait and see, but there’s not much to complain about if the owner is shelling out bucks up to the salary cap limit each and every season. Pleading for the Jacobs to sell the B’s is an old argument from a now bygone era in Bruins history. JJ ain’t going anywhere, so make peace with it and enjoy the compelling team out on the ice.

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Haggs -

Great to see some hockey action on weei.com.  Love what you have done so far and appreciate your insight.  Definitely keep hitting us up on hfboards with your opinions - there are a lot of smart hockey people on there and you would add to it.

 Hopefully weei can start up hockey talk again because there is a buzz in this town about the Bruins finally.  The JJ interview on Dale and Holley was tough to listen to and my only fear is that he will find a way to ruin this progress somehow. 

Anyway, I wanted to get your take on the potential sale of the Bruins.  Stan Fischler on hockeyjournal.com wrote that JJ was looking to buy the Bills and perhaps sell the Bruins to do so.  Any insight on this situation?  I know publicly JJ has denied it.  Dupes and Mick don't see it happening.  Second to winning the Cup, this would be the greatest thing to happen to this team.  My little theory (a bit conspiracy like) is as follows.  We have seen what Kraft did around Gillette with Patriot Place and what the Sox have done around Fenway. 

The "new gahden" was up before the Sox were sold and before ground broke on Gillette.  When it was built, there was talk about the development surrounding the arena with condos, restaurants, etc.  Nothing has happened while the other teams have been building.  Do you think the city has stiff armed JJ to get him out?  Perhaps he has pissed off too many of the powers that be that they are delaying his ability to build anything surrounding the area? Has anyone asked the question on why no development (JJ did mention on Dale and Holley that since debt market is closed, no building in the near term)?

Keep up the great work.

V

JH: Thanks, V. As I wrote in the previous answer, Jacobs isn’t getting out of the hockey business anytime soon. JJ serves in the prestigious president role within the Board of NHL Governors and — given his position — wields a pretty fair amount of power within the NHL ownership structure. He’s very deeply invested in hockey, and has consistently denied reports he’s chasing after the Bills ownership dream because he can’t legally own both teams. He has expressed in some kind of minority ownership, but the Bruins are his baby.

You and I have both seen the plot of land adjacent to the Garden that sits there undeveloped and unused, and I know the ultimate goal was to create some kind of retail/office space that could compliment the Garden in much the same way that Patriot Place has become part of Gillette.

Jacobs is quoted as having said that there’s been six or seven different plans that have come across his desk in the 13-plus years that the new Garden has been in existence, but none of them have come to pass. Perhaps he’s waiting for the right deal before he pulls the trigger, but it’s obvious that now would be the worst time to roll forward with a development plan for the land given the state of the economy.

I can imagine that the Krafts would probably have changed their mind about the big Patriot Place undertaking if they’d known that the country’s economic structure was going to go to Hell in a hand basket during the project.

According to profootballtalk.com, the Patriots laid off 60 team employees in Nov. 2008. I’m sure Jacobs has been watching that and taking heed. It’s just bad business to fire off checks for big capital expenditures when many businesses are simply hanging on for dear life right now.

All that being said, I still understand why the financial decisions shaping this team’s future are a huge concern over the next two seasons. This is Jacobs’ chance to really put his money where his mouth is, and answer many of the questions that people have had — even if he did open up the purse strings when the team inked both Chara and Savard following the lockout. One quick aside to the owner if he’s reading: it might in your best interest to avoid talking to any hockey writers that go by a three-named moniker in the near-future. You never come off well when the sharpened pen has been put away following the interview.

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Hockey is back in Beantown and so is Haggs!

Chach

JH: Little known fact: Dennis and Callahan producer Steve Ciaccio is a huge puckhead from the well-known hockey factory in Reading. I grew up right next-door in Stoneham, so we were hated rivals when we were both at rival high schools. But all that changed when we held hands and sang “All We Are Saying Is Give Peace a Chance” while taking in Reading and Stoneham football last Thanksgiving morning on the frozen tundra at SHS. Of course, Reading smoked Stoneham, like they almost always do.

All has been well ever since then, and Chach has admitted to contracting Bruins Fever as they’ve continued to win — and win big — this season, so consider this a big warm welcome to the Hagg Bag, Chach!

Little known fact: Chach’s son Nick is the 161st rated hockey player in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and his dad is hoping that he’s going to retire ten years from now when his hockey prodigy gets his first round draft pick signing bonus. Good luck with that, Chach … just try to give hockey dads from Reading a good name.

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Have you ever seen more dumb kool aid drinking lemmings jammed into one place more then the sheep who post on HFboards in the Bruins section!

Talk about sunshine and rainbows, these gullible blind loyalists act like the Bruins won the Stanley Cup. Someone needs to inform them that the Bruins have not won a playoff round in a decade, and Mr. Jacobs is more concerned with profits and marketing himself as a contender then actually being one.

Rich

JH: Here it is. A fan that is clearly licking some still open wounds. I’m guessing the one/two combination of dropping the 2003-04 playoffs to the Habs when they were the No. 1 seed and the botched lockout plan put poor little Richie into the “bad place,” and then the trade of Jumbo Joe Thornton dropped him to depths heretofore unseen.

It’s okay, Rich Just go ahead and read the emails up above and repeat after me S-A-L-A-R-Y C-A-P. If Jacobs were solely concerned with profits and nothing else, then Peter Schaefer would be skating on the wing for the Boston Bruins along with David Krejci and Michael Ryder, and Blake Wheeler would be down with the Baby B’s lighting it up at Providence. Swallowing contracts is not something that an owner does if he cares more about grubbing money than the state of his hockey team. You’re better than that, Rich. It’s okay to love again even if you’ve been hurt.

The truth might lay somewhere in between, but — like I’ve said several times — let’s watch what happens with the $3.5 million in Marco Sturm money available, and any added spending money that could be loosened up if the NHL and NHLPA reinstate the rookie bonus buffer from season’s past. It’s a complicated scenario, but basically any rookie bonus/incentive money currently taking up millions in space on the cap could be taken off the salary cap. Essentially, there could be millions more available for a potential trade now that the Players’ Association has renewed the CBA. Stay tuned to this one: If the B’s don’t make a move of significance coming down the stretch when it’s obvious that this team is Stanley Cup quality, well then maybe it’s time to start digging up those old Jacobs’ arguments. But let’s allow JJ and Co. a little time to see what they do before exclaiming “Same Old Bruins.”

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Hey Haggs!
Hopefully now that I notice that you are everywhere you get better
flight accommodations to spring training than you did last year.  Here's
to the prospect of having a good flight w/o some layman talking sports
and his 9 month old trying to pet your arm! If I knew then what I know
now, I would have hit you up for a guest spot on Dale and Holley! I'm
sure that you are enjoying a great B's season and good luck if you end
up at the fort this year.

Matt LeBlanc

JH: Thanks Matt. Unfortunately my flight accommodations aren’t any better than they were last year. I’ll be riding with everybody else in coach again on Air Tran, but this time I’ve requested a middle seat between a 400-pound man with narcolepsy and an old woman with a persistent phlegmy cough. And, of course, your daughter will be sitting in the row behind me kicking my seat and screaming bloody murder during the entire three hour flight. Quick aside: how is it that parents let their children just swing away and kick at a seat in front of them without actually, you know, saying anything to them. Maybe something like: “Honey…I think maybe the person in front of you doesn’t enjoy getting jolted in his seat every time you try to bend it like Beckham.” That’s all I’m asking. Not looking for anything special. Just stop kicking the damn chair.

Be happy to share a flight with you down to Fort Myers again this year Matt, and I’m sure daughter is cuter than ever. I’ll be headed down from Feb. 17 through 24 to swing by Sox spring training and cover the B’s final road trip through Florida, so purchase your tickets now if you’re looking for the Pucks with Haggs hosted flight down to Florida.

As far as getting a guest spot on Dale and Holley, I would recommend large unmarked bills stuffed in an envelope and shipped to either Big Game James or The Artist Formerly Known as Berger at 20 Guest Street, Third Floor, Brighton, Mass. 02135-2040. If you have a Swiss Bank Account, then that’s even better. That’s always seemed to work for me. Free food is also looked upon with favor at the third floor of the New Balance Building.

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I've heard you on the air a couple of times and I've just read your crap on WEEI.com.  I think you're in the wrong business. You write poorly and your on-air skills are nonexistent.  Are you the replacement for Larry Johnson?  How often do you service Felger to keep this pathetic gig?  I see why they stick you with covering soccer on skates..............nobody gives a rat's ass about it.
 
I predict that you'll be laid off at the end of hockey puck season..........or sooner.
 
Eman
Shrewsbury

JH: This is beautiful. This is the kind of emotional swing that you can only find here at WEEI.com and at the Hagg Bag. One guy is thanking me for being a regular sports-talkin’ dude and for letting his baby daughter sleep on my shoulder during a flight to spring training last season. There might have even been some spit-up involved, but I apologized profusely right after it happened in the next breath we have “Eman” praying for my pink slip.

I kind of had a feeling this email was off to the wrong foot when he informed me that he just “ready my crap on WEEI.com” in the first sentence. All I can say is that I someday hope to reach the unfathomable heights of Larry Johnson and his Saturday morning “Yankee Talk.” You’d also be surprised how little servicing Felger needs to hold onto any of my pathetic gigs on any given day. I do detect a little bit of jealousy there, though. C’mon Eman: Be honest. You’d cut off your left testicle to do overnight shifts with the Fabulous Sports Babe down the dial. Tell the truth, Eman…it’s just you and me here talking.

One suggestion — ask Vanna to add an “H.” He-Man from Shrewsbury sounds a hell of a lot cooler and then you could make up an address like Castle Grayskull.

Here’s my Amazing Kreskin impersonation: I predict that you will move out of your mother’s basement in the year 2035.

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Haggs,
Unlike KPD, I don’t want to touch the depth of this team. It is the deepest I’ve seen the B’s ever. I’ve read in 3 different places that if the ducks are out of it Pronger will be available. Can you imagine anyone trying to go to the net with him and Chara on the ice together? Holy (expletive)! St Louis could probably be had cheaply too or a lot cheaper than Lecavalier.  I do think Pronger, due to his age, could be had a little cheaper. I have Pats season tix and love the Sox, but the Bs are my team and I’m sick of losing damn it. This year has been great, but there is something missing on defense. When everyone is healthy they are more set up front than they are on D, and it worries me. If you can’t tell I’m hockey obsessed. I played my whole life, I’m opening a pro shop next month too...I can’t get enough.
Fitz

JH: I couldn’t tell that you liked hockey, Fitz. We’ve become pen pals since Bruins season started, but I couldn’t tell. I’m going to disagree on the defense, though. I don’t think they’re actually missing much with Ward and Ference both back in the lineup. Is there a reasonable fear that somebody could get hurt leading up to the playoffs, and potentially derail what the B’s have going for them? Absolutely, and it might behoove the B’s to pick up another body to round out the defenseman depth … just in case.

But I think the clear need for this team is another big (read: over 210 pounds) forward that could add some size, strength and grit to the Bruins’ front line. If Byron Bitz can continue to play well beyond his years and experience then maybe that isn’t as much of a priority, but that’s still their clearest need headed into the postseason. The B’s have four players over 200 pounds along their front line (Milan Lucic, Shawn Thornton, Blake Wheeler, Bitz) and were manhandled more than a little bit when the New Jersey Devils brought their super-sized lineup into the Garden, and just started crashing the net and throwing bodies around like they were the second coming of Reg Dunlop.

That’s playoff hockey, and it was clear to me that the Devils could be a tough playoff matchup for the B’s if they don’t add more size to the puck package of grit, defense and skill that’s given them so much success this year.

Also, Fitzy, the B’s already have their Pronger and I think it would take too much in player cost to get the Anaheim version. Also don’t forget the B’s would be on the hook to Pronger for $6.25 million next season as well. Boston’s version is a guy you might know named Zdeno Chara, and he’s my pick to win the Norris Trophy this season. He’s on a pace to get close to 50 points for the second straight season, will post his best +/- total since his days putting up gaudy numbers for the Ottawa Senators and he’s gone about shutting down every single top line he’s skated against this year. The job he’s done shutting down and containing Evgeni Malkin and Alex Ovechkin this season is the kind of stuff that should be required classroom learning for stay-at-home defenseman everywhere.

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Joey Haggs!

Listen buddy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who heeds the advice of the Great Fezzini.  I just wish that Gary Bettman would.  Case in point, I think it's time to add "Letting Nancy-boy pseudo-Frenchmen have creative control of the All Star Game" to the list of classic blunders.   Did you see the opening ceremonies for that game?  What the hell was up with Cirque du so lame?  Outside of Montreal fans and Billy Madison's Kindergarten teacher, Ms. Lippy, is there anyone in NHL markets that this interpretive dance crap would appeal too? Hey Bettman, a little more Kelly Hrudey and a little less Rudy Galindo next time OK?

And while we're on the subject of bad Montreal related decisions…uh Les Habitants... They are called "Throw BACK" uniforms, not "throw up" uniforms.  Good lord those things were horrendous!  Will they donate them to the Montreal Barber College squad or use them to play "Where's Laraque?" between periods?  But you know what made it even worse?  I actually saw some kids in the stands wearing those striped atrocities.   Seriously, if I was a kid, and I had to chose between Britney Spears bucking me in a car seat and having to wear that sweater, I’m taking the Britax sleeper hold every time.   I can only hope child services were notified.    

On the subject of our excitable play by play guy,  personally, I think Jack Edward's career peaked as a 95mph Clemens two-seamer.

On the Glen Murray grievance, I think this should be an open and shut case.  A dead guy can't file a grievance right?  Oh wait, he's not dead? He sure played like a corpse last season, my mistake.  And it was the Bruin's mistake to resign a one tool player and watch him slowly decompose on your roster.  I'm actually hoping Muzz wins his case.   I can't think of something that would infuriate J.J. more than paying for weekend at Bernie's on ice so, naturally I'm all for it. 

Now, for the important stuff: NBA JAM.  Listen, I know D.C. is a force but if I had to put my money down on a game, I'm going with the premier inside outside combo of Malone and Stockton over the Nets.  Just mentioning Tami from the Real World will turn computer-Kenny into New England Brickmaster.   Now, my sentimental go-to team was Golden State. The Chris Mullin and Tim Hardaway duo were completely overlooked.  These guys were tainted Tylenol from beyond the arc. Unconsciously lethal.  You leave that combo with an open look and I'll give you the biggest shelling in black and white since The Longest Day. 

And the interest in Tecmo Super Bowl has seemed to pick up a little bit eh, Joe?  Shockaah!   I believe I heard the EEI.com show mentioning a Tecmo Tournament?  If this is true then we have got to represent.  Not to allow two of the biggest proponents of 8-Bit low def video football goodness into such an event would reduce this tournament to some half assed single-A NIT level sideshow.  The only possible explanation for such an egregious exclusion would be the obvious fear of certain and crushing defeat.   The Nigerian Nightmare awaits!    

Mike
Attleboro

JH: I’m with you on the Canadiens candy cane sweaters — although I’m going to shock you when I tell you that Steve “Old Time Baseball” Buckley loved them and is thinking of introducing them into a certain overhyped baseball game in Cambridge next summer.

While we’re on the subject of Bettman, one thing I couldn’t get over is how completely accessible he was throughout All-Star Weekend up in Montreal. It was like a drinking game where you had to go pour yourself a Molson every time you saw the commissioner pop up somewhere in the streets of Montreal. “Hey there’s Commissioner Bettman buying a coffee.” “Wow, look at Commissioner Bettman say salary rollback and player escrow in French.” “Hey, Commissioner Bettman is at the urinal right next to me.” Or my personal favorite: “I didn’t know that Commissioner Bettman enjoyed the ballet on St. Catherine Street just like me.” OK, the last one I made up, but you get the point. He was all over the place through the entire weekend with much in the way of entourage or “people,” and that is the complete opposite of MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. Good Ol’ Bud shows up for a half-hour during World Series or All-Star game type events, and then is back to writing up “Used Car Sales for Dummies” faster than you can say “Steroid Era.”

I’ve got to admit this Tecmo Bowl thing has me a little worked up.

So help me God if Bradford and the Mutt Man think they can weasel their way into our tournament. If they do, I’m going to join this mailbag jihad that Felger already seems to have pronounced against Bradford Files. Mike from Attleboro, you and I practically invented Tecmo Bowl, and nobody ever appreciated the greatness of Christian Okoye rumbling and stumbling over prone defenders like Mike Singletary and Charley Haley before we came along. I’ll bet if you asked him who returned kicks for the Washington Redskins team, he couldn’t even tell you.

I still cling to the notion that nobody could ever stop the San Francisco 49ers in the shotgun offense, and it still amazes me to this day that Bo Jackson was the fastest, most unstoppable force in the Great Tecmo Bowl Kingdom — yet there was only one running play in the Raiders playbook that went to Bo Knows. Who was running that offense, Ernie Zampese?

Forget all that, though. I’m going to take the New York Giants in the tournament and blow everybody up with Lawrence Taylor on defense and the immortal Phil McConkey returning kicks and catching passes on offense. In that game, LT used to shed blockers and crush running backs like he was smoking crystal meth in between TV timeouts — but without nasty side effects like rehab or drug suspensions. Maybe Tecmo Bowl was even more realistic than I thought.

As far as NBA Jams goes, if I’m going the sentimentality route then I’m playing Dee Brown and Robert Parish every single game and then I’m celebrating Michael Phelps-style each time “The Chief” throws down his patented “Green Stuff” and “The Tomahawk.” That message was Chief-approved, no doubt.

There could be a rumble on Friend Street over this Tecmo Bowl situation, Mike, and nobody is taking your Nigerian Nightmare away from you. I promise to keep you posted, and until then go back to being mesmerized by the Barber Shop Pajamas rocked by the Les Habitants.
Joe Haggerty covers the Bruins for WEEI.com.