One man's account of the end of a franchise, but the start of a new-found respect for ESPN. OK, maybe just the end of a franchise.

9:00 p.m. (EST): I always knew that hell would start with a Stuart Scott voiceover. 

9:01: Now another voiceover, only with a guy that sounds like a mix of James Earl Jones, Dikembe Mutombo and Vince McMahon. Creepiest ESPN moment since Namath/Kobler.

9:02: Chris Broussard just set a record for "quickest backpedal from a story". It's 50-50 he runs out of the studio before 9:30. 

9:04: I knew this would be an infomercial, but come on. What is this? 

9:06: Stuart, stop calling him "King". Not his real name. 

9:07: Wow, "the Raptors all-time leading rebounder"! Just ahead of Popeye Jones and Acie Earl. 

9:08: And now the Lebron James: The Decision Dancers! Take it away, Linda Cohn.

9:09: You heard it first from Chris Broussard: The Heat will be good if they get LeBron. I'll give him a pass, though, because he's sweating more than the entire cast of "Crimson Tide". I'm hoping he signs with the Cavs just so I can actually watch someone's career vanish before my eyes. Sorry, Chris.

9:10: All that's missing is Chris Berman tossing in a few dated nicknames and we'd have a clean sweep of what is wrong with ESPN today.

9:12: LeBron "Tommy" James "And the Shondells" would be my best guess.

9:12: A decision was promised in the first 10 minutes. And we got one. ESPN decided to test how stupid we all are. How did we do?

9:15: This is like the Al Capone Vault Special without the integrity.

9:16: "We all knew back in the day that the young dude could bring it!" Was this said by A) Stuart 30 seconds ago or B) Walter Cronkite on election night 1960?

9:18: I have this and Tony Allen: The Decision on picture and picture. 

9:20: Anyone else expecting Jim Gray to ask LeBron why he quit in Game 5 of the Celtics series? Anyone?

9:22: Two questions in and all I know is this: Jim Gray and LeBron James wouldn't be the best casting for a dinner theatre production of "Frost/Nixon".

9:23: If the test was to appear as joyless as possible so far LeBron is passing with ease.

9:24: Six questions in and WE STILL DON'T KNOW. I swear, this is worse than pornography. And I write that as a fan of pornography.

9:26: A Jim Gray question he should be asking LeBron: "Are you sort of balding?"

9:27: And it's the Heat. 

9:28: The fumble. The drive. The shot. And now the fraud. The NBA says goodbye to Cleveland. He'll spend the rest of his life telling everyone that he made his mind the day of The Decision. And no one will buy it. He wanted out and now he's got it. Very classy to do it on national TV. 

9:29: There will never be a more hated athlete in any city than LeBron in Cleveland. Not possible. 

9:30: "I never wanted to leave Cleveland." Uh, so why did you leave?

9:30: But we can at least rejoice in the fact that Stephen A. Smith was proven right.

9:31: Jim, here's the question, you dope: "When you are down a point with six seconds left who gets the ball? You or the guy that has already won a title?" No one wants to hear about his mom. Even Delonte West was disgusted with all the Gloria James talk.

9:34: I have March 2012 in the "either LeBron or Wade demand a trade" pool.

9:36: LeBron-- with zero emotion--  thanking the Cavs, which is always the right thing to do after taking a 600-pound dump on a city and organization.

9:38: Wilbon, show some guts, willya? Three Tim Wakefield fastballs. Twenty-two minutes left, will there be a tough question asked?

9:39: Man, is LeBron coming across as a ego-stuffed parody tonight. Why not just say that you have no faith in Cleveland to build a winner and you wanted to live in Miami? People would still be down on you but nowhere compared to what's coming. 

9:42: Erik Spoelstra will be a nice addition to NBA TV.

9:43: And he'll soon be joined by Byron Scott.

9:44: LeBron just compared this team to 2008 Celtics. Big difference is that those three guys were past their prime and only cared about winning a title. The ego stuff was gone. Not the case in Miami. Wade and LeBron have never NOT been the man. Name me an NBA title winner where there wasn't a clearly defined No. 1.

9:45: I'm just happy for the Boys & Girls Club of Greenwich. With this money they'll finally be able to add the bunkers that the 16th hole really needs to be a tough Par-4.

9:49: Shot of LeBron's jersey being burned. LeBron responds with three third-person references, a "I'll just continue to be great" and a "man upstairs" call out. 

9:51: And when did Chris Bosh become great? LeBron is great. Wade is great. Bosh has won as many NBA playoff series as Yinka Dare. He'll be a swell third banana, a top 25 player in the league. But he's a long way from great.

9:53: Hey, some love for Dennis Johnson! Thatta boy, LeBron. Your first good moment since Game 3 of the Celtics series.

9:55: My right-hand man is also named Maverick Carter. What are the odds?

9:57: ESPN producer: "Oh boy, we don't have enough for an hour. Let's just have Stuart ask him the same questions Wilbon asked 15 minutes ago."

9:58: I get that this team will roll in the regular season, but the playoffs are just different. If they are using the 2008 Celtics as a template, they better find a James Posey and a P.J. Brown. And Rondo wouldn't hurt, either.

10:02: I just vomited up all the Vitamin Water I have ever consumed.

10:04: There are strip clubs that would lose its license if they did what Stuart Scott just did to LeBron over the last 10 minutes.

10:10: Stuart with a tattoo reference. Can this just end?

10:14: And we are done. I'm still not convinced that the Celtics aren't the best team in the Eastern Conference.