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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts. The Art of the Pointless Beef among sports figures is to Boston what pasta is to the Italians. It might have been invented elsewhere, but we’ve sure as hell perfected it.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls... Pats fans had everything they could ever hope for, except one. A true division rival.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America. Statistically speaking, the only occupation that has ever had a higher injury rate than the ‘10 Sox was the anonymous, red-shirted crewmen Capt. Kirk always took when he beamed down to a planet.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!”
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works. Trusting your fellow man and believing in the integrity of others might make you feel better, but ultimately your best long-term bet is to treat everyone and everything with a big dose of industrial-strength skepticism and unhealthy levels of distrust.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein Is it possible that for all the acclaim, respect and admiration that have been heaped upon Terry Francona over his Red Sox career he’s actually still underrated?
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsbury). Dustin Pedroia is out at least six weeks. Victor Martinez just went on the DL. Clay Buchholz is about to miss a start and possibly more. J.D. Drew has called in sick more than a state worker with everything from a tweaked hammy to a tight quad to a bad haircut.
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans, Hello. I hope this column finds you well, and that you are enjoying your World Cup so far. From the outset, please let me state that while I’m not a soccer fan myself, I’m going to do my level best to see to it this isn’t just another soccer-bashing article.
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend. Now ordinarily, this would be just another stop on Bud Selig’s “The Novelty Wore Off This Interleague Gimmick a Long Time Ago” Tour. But this series is going to be different.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon “I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for any man who lost, and laughed.” — George Patton
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom Brady.
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn. You tell me the Gulf of Mexico has more petroleum on top of it than Pat Riley’s head? Huh? Did you say something?
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Gr…

It Is What It Is Cast: Gronk will continue to smash and dash

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Chris Price discuss Rob Gronkowski's meeting with the media on Friday. Gronk said he doesn't anticipate changing the way he plays, noting that he wants to "keep smashing and dashing."

Julian Edelman After Patriots Practice, 7-25-14

Julian Edelman joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz after Patriots training camp.

Peter King of MMQB with Dale and Holley

We return to our weekly segments with the one and only Peter King of MMQB and NBC's Football Night in America.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

Tim Kurkjian, ESPN: Red S…

Tim Kurkjian, ESPN: Red Sox are in a tough place with Lester 7-28-14

Tim Kurkjian joins the program to discuss the Red Sox options at the trade deadline.

Christian Vazquez with Joe & Daveafter the win at Tampa Bay

Kevin Millar, MLB Network: David Ortiz not afraid of David Price, 7-25-14

Kevin Millar joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz to discuss David Ortiz, Dustin Pedroia's struggles, and Jon Lester's contract.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Rob Bradford on the lates…

Rob Bradford on the latest with the Sox at the deadline 7-28-14

Rob gave the latest on Jon Lester trade talks and the flap between Ortiz and the Rays.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Joe Torre forgets The Boss 7-28-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by John Dennis.

David Ortiz offends the Rays again 7-28-14

John, Meter and Buck opened the show by discussing the latest flap between the Red Sox and the Rays.

Tim Kurkjian, ESPN: Red S…

Tim Kurkjian, ESPN: Red Sox are in a tough place with Lester 7-28-14

Tim Kurkjian joins the program to discuss the Red Sox options at the trade deadline.

Three For All: Easy College Classes 7-28-14

The guys discuss their easiest college classes.

With Revis and Browner, should the Patriots Defense be more aggressive? 7-28-14

After comments by Nick Caserio, the guys discuss if the Patriots should adjust their defensive approach after the additions of Brandon Browner and Darrelle Revis

Jon Lester is on the tabl…

Jon Lester is on the table, will he end up in LA? 7-28-14

We talk about the latest news surrounding Jon Lester and the Red Sox. Could he be dealt to the Dodgers?

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Red Sox Mistakes - 7-28-14

We talk about four of the biggest mistakes the Red Sox have made over the past 30+ years.

Gronk being Gronk: Although limited in practice, GRONK IS BACK

We discuss the return of Rob Gronkowski, his comments to the media today, and what a healthy (or unhealthy) Gronk will mean for the 2014 Patriots.

Jon Lester's Contract Sit…

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

The All Star Game and the Worst Ideas in Sports

Mut and Villani are talking about the MLB All Star Game, Adam Wainwright and Derek Jeter, and what are some of the worst ideas in sports.

We're all yelling about LeBron James

Minor Details Ep. 94.2 wi…

Minor Details Ep. 94.2 with Jim Callis of MLB.com: Are Red Sox prospects overvalued?

Particularly in a year where the Red Sox have struggled while trying to integrate numerous young players into regular big league roles, accusations that Red Sox prospects are overrated -- whether by the team or writers -- have been widespread. Jim Callis of MLB.com joins the show to take stock of the matter, and to discuss the team-building impact of overrating and underrating prospects.

Minor Details Ep. 94.1: Are prospects overvalued? Andrew Miller on being traded for Miguel Cabrera

With the trade deadline looming, the next few days will be defined by how teams value prospects -- and their potential long-term contributions -- against big leaguers with established track records who can address immediate needs. Are prospects being valued accurately? Red Sox left-hander Andrew Miller -- once one of the two key chips that sent Miguel Cabrera from the Marlins to the Tigers -- assesses the matter.

Ian Browne reflects on 10th anniversary of Red Sox-Yankees brawl

A compelling case can be made that July 24, 2004, represents as significant a landmark as any date in modern Red Sox history. On that day, a memorable brawl between the Red Sox and Yankees served as a catalyst for an epic 10-9 walkoff victory for the Red Sox over New York and indomitable closer Mariano Rivera, a game cited by many members of the 2004 team as pivotal in Boston's first championship run in 86 years. Ian Browne, who covers the Red Sox for MLB.com and authored Idiots Revisited, discusses the landmark game.

Rob Bradford on the lates…

Rob Bradford on the latest with the Sox at the deadline 7-28-14

Rob gave the latest on Jon Lester trade talks and the flap between Ortiz and the Rays.

More from this show

Minor Details Ep. 94.2 wi…

Minor Details Ep. 94.2 with Jim Callis of MLB.com: Are Red Sox prospects overvalued?

Particularly in a year where the Red Sox have struggled while trying to integrate numerous young players into regular big league roles, accusations that Red Sox prospects are overrated -- whether by the team or writers -- have been widespread. Jim Callis of MLB.com joins the show to take stock of the matter, and to discuss the team-building impact of overrating and underrating prospects.

More from this show

Kirk Minihane on what mot…

Kirk Minihane on what motivates the media 7-25-14

Kirk breaks down the media criticism he has received.

More from this show

David Ortiz offends the R…

David Ortiz offends the Rays again 7-28-14

John, Meter and Buck opened the show by discussing the latest flap between the Red Sox and the Rays.

More from this show

Headlines, Headlines, Hea…

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Joe Torre forgets The Boss 7-28-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by John Dennis.

More from this show

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