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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts. The Art of the Pointless Beef among sports figures is to Boston what pasta is to the Italians. It might have been invented elsewhere, but we’ve sure as hell perfected it.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls... Pats fans had everything they could ever hope for, except one. A true division rival.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America. Statistically speaking, the only occupation that has ever had a higher injury rate than the ‘10 Sox was the anonymous, red-shirted crewmen Capt. Kirk always took when he beamed down to a planet.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!”
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works. Trusting your fellow man and believing in the integrity of others might make you feel better, but ultimately your best long-term bet is to treat everyone and everything with a big dose of industrial-strength skepticism and unhealthy levels of distrust.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein Is it possible that for all the acclaim, respect and admiration that have been heaped upon Terry Francona over his Red Sox career he’s actually still underrated?
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsbury). Dustin Pedroia is out at least six weeks. Victor Martinez just went on the DL. Clay Buchholz is about to miss a start and possibly more. J.D. Drew has called in sick more than a state worker with everything from a tweaked hammy to a tight quad to a bad haircut.
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans, Hello. I hope this column finds you well, and that you are enjoying your World Cup so far. From the outset, please let me state that while I’m not a soccer fan myself, I’m going to do my level best to see to it this isn’t just another soccer-bashing article.
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend. Now ordinarily, this would be just another stop on Bud Selig’s “The Novelty Wore Off This Interleague Gimmick a Long Time Ago” Tour. But this series is going to be different.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon “I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for any man who lost, and laughed.” — George Patton
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom Brady.
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn. You tell me the Gulf of Mexico has more petroleum on top of it than Pat Riley’s head? Huh? Did you say something?
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Lo…

It Is What It Is Cast: Logan Mankins, the offensive line, and Brandon Spikes' guarantee

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Christopher Price discuss Logan Mankins' breakdown of the offensive line and how it will look without Dante Scarnecchia. They also discussed Mankins' rebuttal to Brandon Spikes.

It Is What It Is Cast: Bill Parcells and Patriots Hall of Fame

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Chris Price discuss Bill Parcells' Patriots Hall of Fame candidacy.

CSNNE's Tom E. Curran Reports From NFL Owners Meetings

Tom Curran calls the show to discuss the Vince Wilfork contract situation. After texting with Vince this morning, Curran says that Vince's camp is possibly trying to put the "genie back in the lamp" and that the possibility of the Pro Bowl DT returning to the team has improved.

Celtics President Danny A…

Celtics President Danny Ainge with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We wrap up the Celtics season by speaking with Celtics president Danny Ainge about this past season and the team's future.

Wyc Grousbeck, Celtics Owner: Reflects on the Boston Marathon tragedy 4-15-4

Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck joins Mut and Merloni to discuss and reflect on the Boston Marathon Bombings a year later.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, on the Celtics, 4-10-14

Jackie MacMullan talks some Celtics with Mut and Merloni as the season is winding down and the team is positioned to have a high draft pick.

Joe and Dave postgame wit…

Joe and Dave postgame with David Ross 04-17-14

Dave O'Brien and Joe Castiglione talk with Red Sox catcher, David Ross, who had the go-ahead RBI tonight as the Red Sox beat the White Sox behind a brilliant pitching performance from Jon Lester.

Dave O'Brien with Dale and Holley - 4-17-14

Sox broadcaster Dave O'Brien checks in live from Chicago for our weekly chat about the state of the Sox.

Red Sox Manager John Farrell with Dale and Holley

We discuss the Red Sox early season woes with manager John Farrell, as well as his views and faith in MLB's new instant replay system, and the continuity in the Sox outfield.

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sport…

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sports, Previews Bruins-Red Wings 4-18-14

Pierre McGuire of NBC Sports joins the program to talk about the creativity of Red Wings coach Mike Babcock as well as the potential for physical play in the series.

Shawn Thornton calls in on gameday 4-18-14

Shawn Thornton discussed how he prepares on gameday in the postseason.

Jack Edwards with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We preview Red Wings-Bruins with the great Jack Edwards of NESN.

Scott Stella on his buddy…

Scott Stella on his buddy Mark Fucarile 4-18-14

Scott talked about the fantastic E 60 documentary Dream On and how his friend is doing.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Chelsea is pregnant 4-18-14

The top of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane. Today the guys discussed Chelsea Clinton's pregnancy.

Shawn Thornton calls in on gameday 4-18-14

Shawn Thornton discussed how he prepares on gameday in the postseason.

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sport…

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sports, Previews Bruins-Red Wings 4-18-14

Pierre McGuire of NBC Sports joins the program to talk about the creativity of Red Wings coach Mike Babcock as well as the potential for physical play in the series.

Bruins heavy favorites going into first round Series against the Red Wings

Mut and TC discuss how almost every national hockey writer is picking the Bruins to beat Detroit. Will the Bruins be too confident?

Mut and Merloni Previewing Playoff Hockey 4-18-14

Mut and TC preview the Bruins first round match up against Detroit Red Wings

Dale and Holley with DJ B…

Dale and Holley with DJ Bean : Complete Bruins-Wings game 1 preview and analysis

We get you ready for Bruins game one of round one vs the Detroit Red Wings, with DJ Bean from WEEI.com

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Title Town Edition - 4-18-14

We tackle four topics all revolving around the most recent runs to championships in Boston, and misnomers like Title Town for Green Bay or Hockey Town for Detroit.

Jack Edwards previews Red Wings and Bruins Round 1 with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We preview Red Wings-Bruins with the great Jack Edwards of NESN.

Rick Middleton joins Plan…

Rick Middleton joins Planet Mikey

Nifty jumps on the Planet for an hour.

Red Sox lose to the Orioles 2-1 on Opening Day

Lou Merloni did play-by-play with Joe Castiglione today and then joined The Planet Mikey Show to talk about what went wrong, and a few things that went right as the Red Sox started their campaign to defend their World Series title.

Chris Price joins John Ryder to talk the Patriots' newest acquisition

WEEI.com's Chris Price joins John Ryder and Chris Villani on Planet Mikey to discuss the signing of Revis Island

Pod Man Rush: DJ Bean and…

Pod Man Rush: DJ Bean and Greg Wyshynski on Bruins-Red Wings

Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo! Sports joins DJ to break down the first-round matchup between the Bruins and Red Wings. Also discussed is Zdeno Chara's Norris candidacy, transparency with voting for the NHL awards and whether the Canadiens will get out of the first round.

Minor Details Ep. 79: The meaning of winning in the minors with Carlos Febles, Evan Lepler

The Red Sox' High-A minor league team in Salem recently had a 16-game winning streak that spanned two seasons. So what? From the standpoint of making prospects better and fostering player development, does that matter? Salem manager Carlos Febles (who managed Salem for the end of their winning streak, but who was also in charge of a 50-87 Single-A Greenville team in 2013) and Salem radio play-by-play man Evan Lepler discuss -- while also touching on a number of prospects in search of the next Earl Weaver and Vinegar Bend Mizell.

WEEI WrestleCast: Wrestlemania 30 recap

Scott and Ben recap WrestleMania 30 and talk about the death of the Ultimate Warrior.

Jack Edwards previews Red…

Jack Edwards previews Red Wings and Bruins Round 1 with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We preview Red Wings-Bruins with the great Jack Edwards of NESN.

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Ty Law, Patriots legend: …

Ty Law, Patriots legend: On being a finalist for Hall of Fame, 4-17-14

Ty Law joins Mut and Christian Fauria to discuss being a finalist for the Patriots Hall of Fame, the way the game is officiated now, and Darrelle Revis.

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Headlines, Headlines, Hea…

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Chelsea is pregnant 4-18-14

The top of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane. Today the guys discussed Chelsea Clinton's pregnancy.

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The Bruins prepare for th…

The Bruins prepare for the Red Wings 4-18-14

The guys opened the show talking about the Detroit Boston matchup.

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Shawn Thornton calls in o…

Shawn Thornton calls in on gameday 4-18-14

Shawn Thornton discussed how he prepares on gameday in the postseason.

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