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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls...
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!” — Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsb
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans,
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom B
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn.
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards. I guess this would make me their taller, less groomed and way more hetero Ryan Seacrest.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

Adam Schefter, ESPN: Good…

Adam Schefter, ESPN: Goodell has to be more accountable 9-19-14

Adam Schefter joins MFB to talk about the latest with Roger Goodell and how he is going to handle his upcoming press conference.

Christian Fauria's Three Keys to Pats-Raiders 9-18-14

Christian breaks down what the Patriots need to do to beat the Raiders this Sunday

Week 3: Around the AFC East 9-18-14

MFB talks to Sal Cappaccio of WGR in Buffalo, Ryan Ruocco of ESPN NY, and Omar Kelly of the South Florida Sun Sentinel

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

David Ortiz Player of the…

David Ortiz Player of the Game Interview

Joe and Dave talk with David Ortiz after he hits two home runs to propel the Red Sox to an extra-innings win over the Baltimore Orioles.

Ben Cherington on Rusney Castillo 9-18-14

Ben Cherington discussed the debut of Castillo and his thoughts on Jeter.

Sox Manager John Farrell with Dale and Holley

As the season winds down, We check in Sox skipper John Farrell as we await the Boston debut of Rusney Castillo.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Rodney Harrison on Adrian…

Rodney Harrison on Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice 9-19-14

Rodney Harrison addressed his non comments earlier in the week with MFB.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: The first lady hates fattening foods 9-19-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane.

D&C respond to MFB's MFK 9-19-14

The guys opened the show responding to MFB's MFK.

Jerod Mayo previews Pats-…

Jerod Mayo previews Pats-Raiders 9-19-14

Jerod Mayo gives Christian karaoke advice and previews the Patriots home opener.

Three For All: Christian chooses his karaoke song. 9-19-14

Christian chooses his song for Karaoke tonight.

Adam Schefter, ESPN: Goodell has to be more accountable 9-19-14

Adam Schefter joins MFB to talk about the latest with Roger Goodell and how he is going to handle his upcoming press conference.

Michael Irvin with Dale a…

Michael Irvin with Dale and Holley: I'm sweating FOR Roger Goodell

We check in with the great 88, the playmaker Michael Irvin joins Dale and Holley.

Roger Goodell finally breaks his silence... did it do him or the NFL any good? Response and Reaction

Michael, Dale and Tom E. Curran break down, react and take your calls about NFL commissioner Roger Goodell's first public press conference this regular season.

Dale and Holley's Final Drive - Reliving the greatest Patriots-Raiders game of all time

For our final segment we take a look back at the infamous Snow Bowl and the Tuck Rule play, this time via Raiders radio and more.

Jim Koch joins Planet Mik…

Jim Koch joins Planet Mikey

Co-founder and chairman of the Boston Beer Company, Jim Koch, talks about his Sam Adams beer and the history of his brewery.

Danny Picard talks Red Sox and Patriots with Mike Giardi

Danny picard is filling in for Mikey and talks with CSNNE's Mike Giardi about Clay Buchholz heading up the Red Sox pitching rotation, and how the Patriots have looked through training camp so far.

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

Producers Podcast: Sausag…

Producers Podcast: Sausage and Beans 9-18-14

Your beloved hosts are joined by WEEI.com Bruins reporter DJ Bean as well as producer of the Dennis & Callahan Show, Craig "Sausage" Sawisch. Support America: Support Your Local Post Office

Dennis & Callahan's Breaking Balls Podcast: The NFL's hot mess, Jenny Dell and who has bad breath.

Dennis, Callahan and Minihane make their podcast debut. This week's topics include Adrian Peterson, Greg Hardy, Jenny Dell and some discussion on people we've encountered with the worst breath.

Minor Details Ep. 100: A minor centennial with Rob Bradford, Mike Hazen and Jim Callis

The 100th Minor Details podcast revisits some old friends, as WEEI.com's Rob Bradford, Red Sox assistant GM Mike Hazen and MLB.com prospect guru Jim Callis, who were the guests on the first show in November 2010, join the show anew.

Rodney Harrison on Adrian…

Rodney Harrison on Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice 9-19-14

Rodney Harrison addressed his non comments earlier in the week with MFB.

More from this show

Ben Cherington on Rusney …

Ben Cherington on Rusney Castillo 9-18-14

Ben Cherington discussed the debut of Castillo and his thoughts on Jeter.

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D&C respond to MFB's MFK …

D&C respond to MFB's MFK 9-19-14

The guys opened the show responding to MFB's MFK.

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The Vikings apologize 9-1…

The Vikings apologize 9-18-14

The guys opened the show by discussing the Vikings press conference.

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Headlines, Headlines, Hea…

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