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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls...
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!” — Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsb
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans,
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom B
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn.
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards. I guess this would make me their taller, less groomed and way more hetero Ryan Seacrest.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

Chris Price, WEEI.com pre…

Chris Price, WEEI.com previews the Pats-Panthers game 8-22-14

Chris Price joins the guys to talk about the upcoming game against the Carolina Panthers.

Patriots LB Jerod Mayo joins MFB, 8-21-14

With the Pats game on Friday night, MFB does a version of Patriots Friday a day early with Jerod Mayo. He talks about the Carolina Panthers.

It Is What It Is Cast: Brandon LaFell, Darrelle Revis and end of training camp

WEEI.com's Chris Price and Mike Petraglia discuss the performances of Brandon LaFell and Darrelle Revis, among others, as Patriots training camp comes to a close.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

Kevin Millar, MLB Network…

Kevin Millar, MLB Network on the Castillo signing 8-22-14

Kevin Millar checks in to talk about the Castillo signing, Giancarlo Stanton, and the MLB's pace of play.

Daniel Nava with Dave O'Brien and Lou Merloni after the win against the Astros

The Sox outfielder joined Dave and Lou after the comeback win, in which he had three hits and knocked in the tying run.

Bradfo Show - NWOA Injury Report, Shane Victorino

On today's Bradfo Show we talk to Dr Ken Polivy, Spine Surgeon at the Newton Wellesley Orthopedic Associates, about Shane Victorino's recent back surgery.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Gordon Edes breaks down h…

Gordon Edes breaks down his cryptic Cespedes tweet 8-22-14

ESPN Boston's Gordon Edes joins Dino, Kirk and Buck to explain his cryptic tweet concerning Yoenis Cespedes exiting last night's game.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Emmys Preview 8-22-14

The stories of the day brought to you by Kirk Minihane. Today Kirk previews the Emmys before he goes on vacation.

Buck helps us kick-off a Free Form Friday 8-22-14

Dino, Kirk and Buck start with a variety of topics including The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

Chris Price, WEEI.com pre…

Chris Price, WEEI.com previews the Pats-Panthers game 8-22-14

Chris Price joins the guys to talk about the upcoming game against the Carolina Panthers.

Kevin Millar, MLB Network on the Castillo signing 8-22-14

Kevin Millar checks in to talk about the Castillo signing, Giancarlo Stanton, and the MLB's pace of play.

Three For All: Donald Sterling's Beard 8-22-14

Tom E. Curran, CSNNE, Pre…

Tom E. Curran, CSNNE, Previews Pats/Panthers 8-22-14

Tom E Curran joins the show to talk about Pats/Panthers and the latest news coming out of training camp.

Michael Irvin joins Dale and Holley 8-22-14

Michael Irvin joins the show to talk Pats/Panthers and Johnny Manziel.

Ben Badler from Baseball America - Rusney Castillo

Ben Badler joins the show to talk about his experience watching Rusney Castillo play.

Jim Koch joins Planet Mik…

Jim Koch joins Planet Mikey

Co-founder and chairman of the Boston Beer Company, Jim Koch, talks about his Sam Adams beer and the history of his brewery.

Danny Picard talks Red Sox and Patriots with Mike Giardi

Danny picard is filling in for Mikey and talks with CSNNE's Mike Giardi about Clay Buchholz heading up the Red Sox pitching rotation, and how the Patriots have looked through training camp so far.

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

Fantasy Football Podcast:…

Fantasy Football Podcast: High Value Targets

Fantasy Football Drafts are now happening every day, so Pete Davidson and Jim Hackett have you covered. This Podcast focuses on the High Value Targets you can get in your drafts if you draft smartly. These players can slip to you and make a great impact on your roster as the season moves on. The draft is won in the middle to late rounds when the best upside players are taken. Jim and Pete give you in depth analysis on the High Value Targets to seek along with the Rookies that can make an impact this year. Jim and Pete will be back this Sunday morning too, on-air at WEEI FM 93.7 with even more. Prepare and enjoy!

NWOA Injury Report - Shane Victorino

On today's Bradfo Show we talk to Dr Ken Polivy, Spine Surgeon at the Newton Wellesley Orthopedic Associates, about Shane Victorino's recent back surgery.

Little League World Series Podcast 8-21-14

Sam Packard and Zach Geld provide a thrilling and dynamic recap of the LLWS so far and prepare you for this weekend's games.

D&C - Former Red Sox Pitc…

D&C - Former Red Sox Pitcher Curt Schilling

Former Pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and World Series Champion Curt Schilling joined the Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon to talk about his experiences with cancer. Curt was joined by Dr. Haddad. He revealed that, in February, he was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma, a cancer of the mouth. He attributes his mouth cancer to his use of chewing tobacco throughout his playing career.

More from this show

Gordon Edes breaks down h…

Gordon Edes breaks down his cryptic Cespedes tweet 8-22-14

ESPN Boston's Gordon Edes joins Dino, Kirk and Buck to explain his cryptic tweet concerning Yoenis Cespedes exiting last night's game.

More from this show

Curt Schilling reveals th…

Curt Schilling reveals the source of his cancer, 8-21-14

Speaking at the WEEI NESN Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon with Dennis and Callahan, Curt Schilling revealed that he had mouth cancer, a form called squamous cell carcinoma. He blames his use of smokeless tobacco and says it is his biggest regret in life. This revelation has sparked debate about whether MLB should ban the use of all tobacco.

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Headlines, Headlines, Hea…

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Montana stripper 8-21-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane.

More from this show

Is predicting an 11-5 rec…

Is predicting an 11-5 record for the New England Patriots being pessimistic?

Greg Dickerson, Jerry Thornton and Rob Bradford fill for Dale and Holley, and the 2014 Patriots debate is in full swing.

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