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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts. The Art of the Pointless Beef among sports figures is to Boston what pasta is to the Italians. It might have been invented elsewhere, but we’ve sure as hell perfected it.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls... Pats fans had everything they could ever hope for, except one. A true division rival.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America. Statistically speaking, the only occupation that has ever had a higher injury rate than the ‘10 Sox was the anonymous, red-shirted crewmen Capt. Kirk always took when he beamed down to a planet.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!”
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works. Trusting your fellow man and believing in the integrity of others might make you feel better, but ultimately your best long-term bet is to treat everyone and everything with a big dose of industrial-strength skepticism and unhealthy levels of distrust.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein Is it possible that for all the acclaim, respect and admiration that have been heaped upon Terry Francona over his Red Sox career he’s actually still underrated?
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsbury). Dustin Pedroia is out at least six weeks. Victor Martinez just went on the DL. Clay Buchholz is about to miss a start and possibly more. J.D. Drew has called in sick more than a state worker with everything from a tweaked hammy to a tight quad to a bad haircut.
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans, Hello. I hope this column finds you well, and that you are enjoying your World Cup so far. From the outset, please let me state that while I’m not a soccer fan myself, I’m going to do my level best to see to it this isn’t just another soccer-bashing article.
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend. Now ordinarily, this would be just another stop on Bud Selig’s “The Novelty Wore Off This Interleague Gimmick a Long Time Ago” Tour. But this series is going to be different.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon “I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for any man who lost, and laughed.” — George Patton
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom Brady.
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn. You tell me the Gulf of Mexico has more petroleum on top of it than Pat Riley’s head? Huh? Did you say something?
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Ex…

It Is What It Is Cast: Examining the New England Patriots offseason

In the latest edition of the "It Is What It Is" podcast, Chris Price and CSNNE's Mike Giardi take a look at the Patriots offseason on both sides of the ball, try and get a handle on which new guys will make an impact first, and whether or not the Patriots have altered their style when it comes to drafting and developing wide receivers.

Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk on Tebow's release

Mike Florio joined the program to discuss the Jets decision to release Tim Tebow, he said the situation is as disaster all around for the Jets and that the problems begins with owner Woody Johnson. Mike also said that he was disappointed with the Pats moving back in the first round.

Mike Petraglia, WEEI.com, Sits Down with Butch Stearns to Help Break Down the Pats Draft

One of the hardest working men in the biz, Mike Petraglia aka "Trags", sits down with Butch Stearns live in Foxborough to help break down all the latest Pats moves. He discusses his reaction to the trade in Round 1 and the guys those picks produced. Also, the boys talk about the decent trade the Pats made in acquiring LeGarrette Blount from Tampa Bay for Jeff Demps and a 7th rounder.

Celtics President Danny A…

Celtics President Danny Ainge with Salk and Holley

We check in with Danny Ainge for our first talk to him since the Celtics season ended last weekend. We talk about the future of the team, KG, Pierce, Doc Rivers and more, as Danny directly answers the rumors being floated by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPNBoston.com: "Gut" tells me Doc will stay

Jackie Mac joins the show to discuss the trade rumors swirling around Paul Pierce, KG, Doc Rivers and the Celtics. She also discusses the future of the Celtics head coach.

ESPN's Stephen A. Smith on his rumored Celtics Clippers trade

Stephen A. joined the program to discuss the trade rumors he has reported regarding a possible trade including Doc Rivers and the Clippers. Stephen A. also told the guys that he has heard that Danny and Doc may be tiring of working together.

John Lackey postgame gues…

John Lackey postgame guest after the last game of the Minnesota series

Joe Castiglione talked with John Lackey after he picked up the W against the Twins. Lackey threw seven innings, and retired the 1st twelve batters of the game.

John Farrell pregame before the last game of the Minnesota series

Dave O'Brien talked to John Farrell before the end of the Twins series. The Sox skipper said that Big Papi's success is no surprise given his work ethic.

John Farrell postgame press conference

John Farrell postgame press conference

Andy Brickley, NESN: Go w…

Andy Brickley, NESN: Go with the young guys at D

Brickley joins the show and discusses what the Bruins should do with their young defensemen once the veterans return from injury, the play of Rask, and Torterella's coaching style.

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

Dale and DJ Continue Their Preview of Bruins/Rangers and Discuss the Power Play on Sports Sunday

Dale and DJ roll on with their puck talk and chat some more about the goalie matchup in this series, as well as the lack of a quality power play for both of these teams. In fact, DJ says the Rangers are even worse on the PP than the B’s! The guys also get into the resurgence of Milan Lucic and his deceptive speed and grit. Dale and DJ talk about the similar styles of play for these teams and look forward to Game 2.

Shawn Thornton on the Bru…

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

Things you would never do

John, Gerry and Kirk give their things that they would never do, listeners joined on the WEEI yakoff app with their thoughts.

Kirk sings the Star Spangled Banner

After hearing the horrible performance by Alexis Normand at the Memorial Cup in Canada, Minihane saved us all by delivering a heartfelt rendition of our national anthem.

Andy Brickley, NESN: Go w…

Andy Brickley, NESN: Go with the young guys at D

Brickley joins the show and discusses what the Bruins should do with their young defensemen once the veterans return from injury, the play of Rask, and Torterella's coaching style.

Lyndon Byers on the Bruins defensemen situation

LB joins the show in studio to discuss the Bruins taking a 2-0 series lead against the Rangers and what Claude should do when Seidenberg, Redden, and Ference are ready to play.

Sox Talk- M&M discuss the winning streak and future of Ellsbury

Mut and Merloni get into a Red Sox discussion after a successful weekend in Minnesota. They discuss Pedroia, Lackey, and the future of Ellsbury with the Red Sox.

An Hour with Jack: Jack E…

An Hour with Jack: Jack Edwards joins Salk and Holley to break down a game two win and preview game three

What's better than a whole hour with NESN's Jack Edwards? Not much. We talk all hockey, all the time with Jack live from his study, with a "Loving Cup", whatever that is.

Bruins in complete control of Rangers two games into series

We talk hockey as the Bruins have had little problem taking a 2-0 series lead against the much talk about NY Rangers. Will this continue in games 3 and 4 at MSG? We discuss.

Salk and Holley's Four at Four - 05/21/13

We tackle four topics we haven't yet touched upon today. Gronk!, Proms with celebs and athletes and much more.

Daily Planet Monday May 2…

Daily Planet Monday May 20th

Today on the Daily Planet the Bruins have a 2-0 lead over the New york Rangers, the Red Sox are back on the winning sde of things, and the noteable birthdays of the day.

Daily Planet Thursday May 9th

The Bruins have almost finished raking the Leafs, the Red Sox struggle from the mound, Miami Heat fans show their level of class.

Daily Planet Wednesday May 8th

Daily Planet Wednesday May 8th

Salk and Holley's Miked U…

Linda calls in to describ…

Linda calls in to describe the scene on Dexter St in Watertown

Linda explains how the shootout transpired in Watertown during the early morning hours. She saw the first suspect mortally wounded and police beginning the manhunt for the second suspect.

More from this show

Danny Ainge dispels the r…

Danny Ainge dispels the rumors: "I have the best coach in the NBA"

We check in with Danny Ainge for our first talk to him since the Celtics season ended last weekend. We talk about the future of the team, KG, Pierce, Doc Rivers and more, as Danny directly answers the rumors being floated by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.

More from this show

Minor Details Ep. 49: Man…

Minor Details Ep. 49: Managerial development with Torey Lovullo and Arnie Beyeler

By and large, the focus of development in the minor leagues is on players. Still, there is a developmental path for coaches and managers in the farm system, as is evident from the fact that the previous two managers of the Red Sox' Triple-A affiliate in Pawtucket -- Torey Lovullo (2010) and Arnie Beyeler (2011-12) are now both on the Red Sox' big league coaching staff. They share their insights about the differences between player and coaching expectations in Triple-A vs. the majors, while discussing professional development from the perspective of former minor league managers who aspire to similar positions in the big leagues.

More from this show

Things you would never do

Things you would never do

John, Gerry and Kirk give their things that they would never do, listeners joined on the WEEI yakoff app with their thoughts.

More from this show

Shawn Thornton on the Bru…

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

More from this show

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