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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts. The Art of the Pointless Beef among sports figures is to Boston what pasta is to the Italians. It might have been invented elsewhere, but we’ve sure as hell perfected it.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls... Pats fans had everything they could ever hope for, except one. A true division rival.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America. Statistically speaking, the only occupation that has ever had a higher injury rate than the ‘10 Sox was the anonymous, red-shirted crewmen Capt. Kirk always took when he beamed down to a planet.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!”
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works. Trusting your fellow man and believing in the integrity of others might make you feel better, but ultimately your best long-term bet is to treat everyone and everything with a big dose of industrial-strength skepticism and unhealthy levels of distrust.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein Is it possible that for all the acclaim, respect and admiration that have been heaped upon Terry Francona over his Red Sox career he’s actually still underrated?
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsbury). Dustin Pedroia is out at least six weeks. Victor Martinez just went on the DL. Clay Buchholz is about to miss a start and possibly more. J.D. Drew has called in sick more than a state worker with everything from a tweaked hammy to a tight quad to a bad haircut.
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans, Hello. I hope this column finds you well, and that you are enjoying your World Cup so far. From the outset, please let me state that while I’m not a soccer fan myself, I’m going to do my level best to see to it this isn’t just another soccer-bashing article.
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend. Now ordinarily, this would be just another stop on Bud Selig’s “The Novelty Wore Off This Interleague Gimmick a Long Time Ago” Tour. But this series is going to be different.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon “I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for any man who lost, and laughed.” — George Patton
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom Brady.
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn. You tell me the Gulf of Mexico has more petroleum on top of it than Pat Riley’s head? Huh? Did you say something?
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

Tom E. Curran, CSNNE, Rec…

Tom E. Curran, CSNNE, Recapping Patriots OTAs 6-20-14

Tom "Eugene" Curran joins the guys to discuss how the Patriots look coming out of OTAs. Then Christian and Lou discuss the Patriots playbook scandal.

It Is What It Is Cast: Tom Brady's present and future

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Chris Price discuss Tom Brady's work in mini-camp and his response to recent criticism of his play.

Tiki Barber discusses Stevan Ridley's fumbling problem. 6-12-14

Former NY Giants running back, Tiki Barber talks about Stevan Ridley's fumbling problem and reflects on what he did to fix the problem while he was still playing

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

Stephen Drew after the Re…

Stephen Drew after the Red Sox beat the Blue Jays 14-1

Stephen Drew joins Joe Castiglione and Rob Bradford after the Red Sox offense continues to roll in a 14-1 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays.

Jon Lester with Joe Castiglione after completing the sweep of the Royals

Joe C. talked to the Sox ace after he

Rubby De La Rosa with Joe & Dave after his first win of the second half

Joe & Dave talked to Rubby De La Rosa after the rookie pitcher went seven innings in the one-run win against the Royals at Fenway.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Steve Buckley on Tony Dun…

Steve Buckley on Tony Dungy's comments 7-22-14

Steve Buckley joined the show to discuss Tony Dungy's comments on Michael Sam.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Energizer Bunny and Bill Clinton 7-22-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by John Dennis.

Tony Dungy would not draft a gay player 7-22-14

The guys discussed Dungy's comments on Michael Sam.

Upon Further Review: What…

Upon Further Review: What is clanging around in my ratty old backpack? 7-22-14

Christian started the day by packing up his back pack as he always and heading to work. He noticed that the zipper was broken on one of the pockets. As the show was ending, he remembered this and reached into the bag and pulled out not ONE, but TWO New England Patriots Super Bowl rings. His response: "Oh! There they are." Much to the shock of Tim and Lou, Christian was completely unfazed by the fact that he hadn't seen his SB rings since the NCAA National Championship game 7 MONTHS AGO!

Three For All: Is 9 years old to young to be left alone? 7-22-14

A South Carolina mother was arrested for allegedly leaving her 9 year old daughter alone for hours at a local park while she worked a shift at McDonalds. This has sparked a national debate about whether or not the mother should have been arrested, since many are arguing that 9 years old is old enough to show dependency. The question arises: Where do we draw the line?

Cyd Zeigler of OutSports.com joins MFB, 7-22-14

Tony Dungy is catching a lot of backlash regarding his comments that he would NOT have drafted Missouri LB Michael Sam because of the distractions it would have brought to the team. MFB had Cyd Zeigler of OutSports.com on the show to discuss Dungy's comments.

What are the real reasons…

What are the real reasons behind Tony Dungy's latest comments about Michael Sam?

We delve into Tony Dungy's comments on Michael Sam and drafting him, and how there may be more at work here than on the surface.

Sox seem to be alive again, so are you back in?

We talk Sox after a sweep over the Royals at Fenway. We look at fan interest and how nothing in the AL East is even remotely decided at this point.

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Future's Bet Edition - 7-21-14

We tackle four topics, all spawned by Rory McIroy's futures bet he placed on his own son 10 years ago.

Jon Lester's Contract Sit…

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

The All Star Game and the Worst Ideas in Sports

Mut and Villani are talking about the MLB All Star Game, Adam Wainwright and Derek Jeter, and what are some of the worst ideas in sports.

We're all yelling about LeBron James

Producer's Podcast with J…

Producer's Podcast with Julian Edlow 7-22-14

This week, Sam Packard and Zach Geld talk about the Post-Pierzynski Red Sox. Julian Edlow of the Green Street Blog, joins the program to analyze the Celtics off-season, and finally an over-eager discussion of fantasy football.

SoccerCast - Liverpool Midfielder Joe Allen

In this episode we talk about transfers across Europe, players we want to see in the MLS, and Liverpool's Joe Allen joins the show!

Fantasy Football Podcast July 18th

As we inch closer to August the initial Fantasy Football picture is starting to become more clear. Today, Jim Hackett and Pete Davidson of Rotobahn.com review Pete’s most recent article on WEEI.com featuring 20 High Value Targets to consider. The conversation features a deep analysis on upside players like Justin Hunter, Aaron Dobson, Tavon Austin, Michael Floyd and Martellus Bennett. As well as a breakdown on three Quarterbacks including Tom Brady who should be strongly considered ahead of their current Average Draft Position. Get ahead of the information while these great Fantasy Stocks are low!

Peter Gammons on the Sox …

Peter Gammons on the Sox and Jon Lester 7-21-14

MLB HOF'er Peter Gammons joined the show to discuss what the Sox will do with Jon Lester.

More from this show

Steve Buckley on Tony Dun…

Steve Buckley on Tony Dungy's comments 7-22-14

Steve Buckley joined the show to discuss Tony Dungy's comments on Michael Sam.

More from this show

Sox seem to be alive agai…

Sox seem to be alive again, so are you back in?

We talk Sox after a sweep over the Royals at Fenway. We look at fan interest and how nothing in the AL East is even remotely decided at this point.

More from this show

Jon Lester continues to d…

Jon Lester continues to dominate 7-21-14

John, Gerry and Jerry Thornton discussed the Red Sox sweep of the Royals.

More from this show

Jon Lester dominant perfo…

Jon Lester dominant performance capped off by huge Fenway ovation, 7-21-14

Lester went 8 innings allowing only 4 hits and striking out 8 as the Red Sox swept the Royals. He walked off the mound to a standing ovation from the Fenway faithful. With every dominant performance, the price tag goes up.

More from this show

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