Columnists
RSS Feed  RSS
Weei » Columnists » Jerry Thornton » Jerry Thornton Archive
About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
09/29/2010 - 12:16am
Boston might not be the greatest city in the world. Maybe on the whole, we don’t excel at many things. But there is one part of our rich, cultural tradition no one can take away from us: We’re as good as it gets when it comes to stupid, petty, senseless pro sports-related conflicts.
Jerry Thornton
09/22/2010 - 8:05am
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2010 - 10:57pm
When the news broke across the Twitternet Tuesday afternoon that the Patriots had traded Laurence Maroney, I have to admit I was a little stunned.
Jerry Thornton
09/07/2010 - 11:30pm
“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.” — Thomas Paine, "The Crisis"
Jerry Thornton
09/03/2010 - 1:26am
Like all of you, I love all the decent, down home, red-blooded, God-fearin’ things that make America great. I love little baby ducks and old pickup trucks. Fireworks, eagles, guns, churches, amber waves of grain, Regis Philbin.  And of course, I love sports, or else I wouldn’t be here.
Jerry Thornton
08/24/2010 - 11:13pm
During the pinnacle years of the Patriots Dynasty... that period in 2003-04 when they won an NFL record 34 games, set a record with 21 straight wins, went undefeated at home and won two Super Bowls...
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2010 - 12:51am
As I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.
Jerry Thornton
08/11/2010 - 2:19am
Now that Kevin Youkilis has been lost for the season, being a member of the 2010 Red Sox has officially passed Alaska King Crab Fisherman and Mel Gibson Mistress as the most hazardous job in America.
Jerry Thornton
08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” “Brought peace?” ”Oh, peace! Pfft … SHUT UP!!!” — Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Jerry Thornton
07/28/2010 - 12:24am
I have a confession to make about a very serious matter. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here goes. I’m going to admit this publicly for the first time. My name is Jerry. And I’m … a Patriots Training Camp-oholic.
Jerry Thornton
07/14/2010 - 12:05am
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 40-plus orbits of the sun on this spinning blue marble we call Earth, it’s that cynicism works.
Jerry Thornton
07/07/2010 - 1:05am
“Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.” --Einstein
Jerry Thornton
06/30/2010 - 10:49pm
So let’s see … the Red Sox have spent the first half of the season virtually without their ace (Josh Beckett) and leadoff hitter/sparkplug (Jacoby Ellsb
Jerry Thornton
06/23/2010 - 11:44pm
Dear soccer fans,
Jerry Thornton
06/16/2010 - 11:00pm
In case you’ve missed it because you’re too caught up in the Celtics championship run or because the incessant drone of vuvuzela noise has knocked all other thoughts out of your head, the Dodgers are coming to Boston this weekend.
Jerry Thornton
06/09/2010 - 12:49am
“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” — Robert F. Kennedy
Jerry Thornton
06/02/2010 - 7:00pm
Since this is the 12th time the Celtics have met the Lakers in the NBA finals, we pretty much know what to expect.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2010 - 10:40pm
Place: Springfield, Massachusetts Date: August 14, 2030
Jerry Thornton
05/18/2010 - 11:31pm
“You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Dick Nixon
Jerry Thornton
05/12/2010 - 12:59am
After all he’s done for me as a Boston fan in general and a Patriots fan in particular, it would a lot for me to have a single negative word to say about Tom B
Jerry Thornton
05/04/2010 - 11:43pm
After living in Massachusetts as long as I have, I like to think I’m cynical enough … and sorry to say I’m old enough … that nothing surprises me anymore. You say that Boston has more bacteria in the tap water than Tijuana? (And for that matter, more people who speak Spanish?) Yawn.
Jerry Thornton
04/30/2010 - 12:33pm
When WEEI invited me to cover the eighth annual Whiney Awards, I leapt at the chance. I’d never been to the Whineys before, but I’d always pictured it as sort of being the station’s Academy Awards. I guess this would make me their taller, less groomed and way more hetero Ryan Seacrest.
Jerry Thornton
04/28/2010 - 12:50am
As much as we here in Boston have a reputation for being a tough crowd to play for, I honestly think that if an athlete comes here, plays hard and delivers a championship, we’re pretty much never going to stop appreciating what he’s done.
Jerry Thornton
04/21/2010 - 12:56am
Dear Beli-Claus, How are you? I hope you are well. I know the big day is upon us and you and your helpers are working hard at your war room in Foxboro, busily getting everything ready for all of us. So I won’t keep you. I’m just writing to tell you what I’ve wished for this year.
Jerry Thornton
04/14/2010 - 6:51am
I’ve tried 25 different ways to start this column and none of them are working, so I’m just going to have to go with Plan Z, come right out and say it. To rip the Band-Aid off, bare my soul and let the chips fall where they may. So here goes: The Boston Marathon sucks.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Br…

It Is What It Is Cast: Brandon LaFell, Darrelle Revis and end of training camp

WEEI.com's Chris Price and Mike Petraglia discuss the performances of Brandon LaFell and Darrelle Revis, among others, as Patriots training camp comes to a close.

Head Coach Bill Belichick with Dale and Holley

We sit down with the head coach on a Patriots Monday and discuss training camp progression, the officials, and much more with Bill Belichick.

Vince Wilfork with Dale and Holley

We check in with Big Vince on a Patriots Monday as we approach week three of the NFL pre-season.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

Bradfo Show - NWOA Injury…

Bradfo Show - NWOA Injury Report, Shane Victorino

On today's Bradfo Show we talk to Dr Ken Polivy, Spine Surgeon at the Newton Wellesley Orthopedic Associates, about Shane Victorino's recent back surgery.

Kevin Millar, MLB Network: Thoughts on MLB Commissioner decision 8-15-14

Kevin joins Merloni, Fauria and Benz to talk about the new commissioner in the MLB, as well as his thoughts on ways to speed up the game

Larry Luchhino on the inductees to the Red Sox Hall of Fame 8-15-14

Larry joined the show to discuss last nights festivities at Fenway.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Tom Brady on the progress…

Tom Brady on the progress of Jimmy Garoppolo 8-18-14

Brady reacts to the win over the Eagles and talks about the progression of Jimmy Garoppolo.

Tim Hasselbeck takes us around the NFL 8-18-14

Hasselbeck joins Dennis and Callahan to breakdown all the preseason action.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Things are out of control in Missouri 8-18-14

All the day's stories brought to you by Kirk Minihane. Today's headlines include the situation in Missouri and a tragic accident on Nantucket.

Three For All: Lou narrow…

Three For All: Lou narrowly avoids death, 8-18-14

Lou was on The Baseball Show and a light came crashing down on the set. Christian talks about a punk-kid from England who was picking on mourners in a cemetery. Also, Brittney Griner got married.

Patriots DE Chandler Jones sits down with MFB, 8-18-14

Chandler Jones talks with the midday guys and AGAIN he's asked about his brother, Jon, right off the bat. He played 18 snaps against the Eagles and talks about the adjustments players will have to make with some of the new rules. He was also asked about when fights break out among teammates during practices.

Patriots QB's look sharp in pre-season win over Philly, 8-18-14

All 3 Patriot QB's looked good on Friday night in pre-season action. With Tom Brady's spot secure on the depth chart, MFB take a look Mallett and Garoppolo and wonder if it's worth keeping 3 QB's on the roster.

Bill Belichick: Every pre…

Bill Belichick: Every pre-season play is an opportunity for a player to show what they can do

We sit down with the head coach on a Patriots Monday and discuss training camp progression, the officials, and much more with Bill Belichick.

Vince Wilfork: Communication makes this defense special

We check in with Big Vince on a Patriots Monday as we approach week three of the NFL pre-season.

Sox send Jackie Bradley JR back to the minors, should Xander Bogearts be next?

Dale and Jackie MacMullan discuss the demotion of JBJ, and whether or not the same path should be followed for Xander Bogearts.

Jim Koch joins Planet Mik…

Jim Koch joins Planet Mikey

Co-founder and chairman of the Boston Beer Company, Jim Koch, talks about his Sam Adams beer and the history of his brewery.

Danny Picard talks Red Sox and Patriots with Mike Giardi

Danny picard is filling in for Mikey and talks with CSNNE's Mike Giardi about Clay Buchholz heading up the Red Sox pitching rotation, and how the Patriots have looked through training camp so far.

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

Minor Details Ep. 97: The…

Minor Details Ep. 97: The enormous gap between Triple-A and the big leagues

The 2014 season has been a fascinating case study in the immense challenges that players face in the transition from Triple-A to becoming full-time big leaguers. A case can be made that the gap between the two highest levels of competition is now larger than ever. Red Sox hitting coordinator Tim Hyers and bench coach Torey Lovullo explore that phenomenon, while also examining some measures that the team can undertake to narrow that huge divide.

LLWS Recap on the Producer's Podcast 8-18-14

Sam Packard and Zach Geld recap the the first four days of the Little League World Series. Mo'Ne Davis dominates and we get you ready for Japan-South Korea and Pennsylvania-Nevada.

D&C - Former Red Sox Pitc…

D&C - Former Red Sox Pitcher Curt Schilling

Former Pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and World Series Champion Curt Schilling joined the Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon to talk about his experiences with cancer. Curt was joined by Dr. Haddad. He revealed that, in February, he was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma, a cancer of the mouth. He attributes his mouth cancer to his use of chewing tobacco throughout his playing career.

More from this show

Tom Brady on the progress…

Tom Brady on the progress of Jimmy Garoppolo 8-18-14

Brady reacts to the win over the Eagles and talks about the progression of Jimmy Garoppolo.

More from this show

Bill Belichick: Every pre…

Bill Belichick: Every pre-season play is an opportunity for a player to show what they can do

We sit down with the head coach on a Patriots Monday and discuss training camp progression, the officials, and much more with Bill Belichick.

More from this show

Merloni vs. Minihane (Kir…

Merloni vs. Minihane (Kirk won) 8-15-14

Lou was mad for some reason during today's crossover.

More from this show

Tim Hasselbeck takes us a…

Tim Hasselbeck takes us around the NFL 8-18-14

Hasselbeck joins Dennis and Callahan to breakdown all the preseason action.

More from this show

Weei Writers