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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
03/22/2011 - 11:55pm
Why hockey season starts Thursday night
I, for one, am ecstatic that Bruins season is finally about to start.
Jerry Thornton
03/15/2011 - 11:49pm
Why does the NCAA want to mess around with perfect?
As we walk through this veil of tears we call life, it’s rare that you ever get to witness perfection. Or anything close to it. Man is an imperfect creature, so it follows that anything designed by the mind of man or built by his hand will be flawed in some way. Even a Persian rug maker will put one crooked stitch in his work because only Allah is perfect.
Jerry Thornton
03/09/2011 - 2:11am
He's got the solution that will fix the problems between NFL owners and players
As sad as this is to admit, for the better part of a week I’ve been riveted to what’s been going on with the NFL labor talks. I’ve been one of those devout followers, waiting patiently outside (via television of course) for any sign of progress, like the basic cable equivalent of a pilgrim in Rome looking for white smoke coming out of the Vatican chimney.
Jerry Thornton
03/02/2011 - 1:20am
Reaction to Perkins trade proves that some fans still don't get it
Jerry Thornton
02/23/2011 - 12:17am
He's OK saying farewell to Papelbon
One thing members of this Red Sox management team are fond of saying — besides “ticket prices will increase” — is that every team comes into every season with an entirely different makeup, an entirely different group dynamic.
Jerry Thornton
02/20/2011 - 12:51pm
Why I Love J.D. Drew
Like everyone else I know, I've hit the vast cultural wasteland between the end of the Super Bowl and the start of March Madness full of despair.
Jerry Thornton
02/19/2011 - 1:19pm
One man's quest to find out how tough these Bruins really are
For all its pockets of effete, blueblooded-snobbery, high tech yuppiness and Ivy League elitism, Boston is still a blue-collar town to the core, especially when it comes to pro sports. For every cardigan-sweatered intellectual with a Kindle full of 'George F.
Jerry Thornton
02/02/2011 - 12:49am
The Super Bowl Survival Guide
The Super Bowl is more than just a game. And it’s more than America’s great, secular, national holiday. The Super Bowl IS America. It’s big. It’s loud. It’s overblown. It’s preposterous. It’s a ridiculously monumental celebration of wretched excess with a football game in its chewy center. And the whole world can’t take their eyes off it. It’s what this country is all about.
Jerry Thornton
01/26/2011 - 1:57am
The Boston sports fans' guide to rooting for an out-of-town team
This past weekend in his Sunday Globe column, Dan Shaughnessy suggested all Patriots fans should join him in rooting for the Jets to win the Super Bowl. His theory being that if they were to win it all, it would light a fire under the collective asses of the Patriots’ organization to go out and do likewise in 2011. So by Shaughnessy’s logic (and I’m using the term in the loosest sense possible), the problem with the Pats has been that they haven’t been trying to win the Super Bowl.
Jerry Thornton
01/19/2011 - 12:21am
The Five Stages of Boston Sports Grief
I know that if lived in some other city, one where they hate Boston teams and Boston fans — which is to say, every other sports town in America — I know what I’d be doing this week. In the wake of the Patriots’ epic failure. I’d be perusing sites like this one.
Jerry Thornton
01/12/2011 - 2:01am
Dissecting the species that is the Jets fan
  If I can start out here with a bit of shameless self-promotion. Some time ago the bosses at WEEI.com asked me if I’d be interested in doing some video for them. The general idea was a man-in-the-street type of thing, interviewing fans at various sporting events. Sort of like Jay Leno’s "Jaywalking" segment, except hopefully entertaining.
Jerry Thornton
01/05/2011 - 2:14am
Credit Check: Time to admit that Patriots are in the driver's seat
It’s been said countless times that a football team is a reflection of its coach. And the true genius of your New England Patriots during the reign of Belichick the Conqueror has been the ability to turn lousy opponents into great ones.
Jerry Thornton
12/29/2010 - 12:54am
Saying farewell to year of the sports sex scandal
Even the most casual student of history knows that some years are more significant than others.That some years stand out. You could’ve spent every history class of your life drawing pirate faces on all the presidents and making folded-paper fortune tellers and still absorbed enough general info to associate certain years with certain major historic events.
Jerry Thornton
12/22/2010 - 1:00am
For Boston sports fans, suffering exes a thing of beauty
I have a platonic female friend who has everything a woman could ask for: good looks, her health, nice career, great husband, a new baby who’s so cute that looking directly at her could cause temporary blindness. She’s got everything she could want with the exception of me, since I only have eyes for my own Sweet Irish Rose.
Jerry Thornton
12/15/2010 - 12:14am
Spreading the Christmas Jeer
As anyone who knows me can tell you, I’m a Christmas person. I’m one of those saps who gets all doe-eyed and misty at holiday time. I believe with all my heart the holidays are the time to count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. And for those of who love sports and are lucky enough to live in Boston, our blessings this year are many.
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2010 - 10:05pm
When it comes to the Patriots, he's embraced the hate
"Is it better to be loved or feared? That’s a good question. It’s great to be both, but it’s very difficult. But if I had my choice, I would rather be feared. Fear lasts longer than love." — Sonny, "A Bronx Tale" "Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta." — Geto Boys
Jerry Thornton
12/01/2010 - 1:50am
Patriots-Jets is still a long way from being a rivalry
It’s not often that Jets fans and shameless, unrepentant, Patriots jammies-wearing suckups like myself have ever agreed on anything. But if there’s one thing we can all sign onto, it’s the hugeness of this week’s game.
Jerry Thornton
11/24/2010 - 2:05am
Plenty of reasons to be thankful this year
There can be no doubt that Thanksgiving in the greatest holiday ever invented. There’s minimal shopping involved, no gifts, no wrapping or running around. It consists of nothing but football, drinking, eating to excess, more football and leftovers.
Jerry Thornton
11/17/2010 - 9:38pm
Bowl me over: Why one man cannot embrace college football
Generally speaking, I consider myself to be a guy with fairly middle-of-the-road, mainstream tastes. The stuff I like tends to be widely popular and the stuff I don’t usually isn’t.
Jerry Thornton
11/10/2010 - 4:07pm
Ben Roethlisberger: The reason never to root for the Steelers
As anyone who knows me can tell you, I love the Patriots like I love my country: In a completely biased, irrational, jingoistic, my-football-team-right-or-wrong, star-spangled championship banner-waving, “Foxboro: Love It or Leave It” bumper-sticker kind of way.
Jerry Thornton
11/02/2010 - 10:56pm
Quest for vengeance should power Patriots this weekend
“Revenge is a dish best served cold”- Old Klingon Proverb (quoted in “Kill Bill, Vol. I) There’s a widely held myth around the sports world that following the Patriots isn’t a lot of fun. That the Pats are too tightly controlled, too bland, too team oriented … and therefore, too uncharismatic to be as much fun as the more colorful teams. And while I don’t agree with it, I guess I can sort of see where they’re coming from.
Jerry Thornton
10/27/2010 - 11:12pm
An open letter to Brett Favre: Please play against the Patriots
Dear Brett Favre, Please play against the Patriots this Sunday.  
Jerry Thornton
10/20/2010 - 12:04am
The Cheap Shots Heard ‘Round the World
It just wouldn’t be the NFL season without a raging firestorm of controversy. And in a year where we’ve had labor strife, trade demands, girls getting harassed left and right and more player penis pictures than you’d find in Tila Tequila’s BlackBerry, it’s kind of ironic that what’s set the world ablaze are a few old school hits.
Jerry Thornton
10/13/2010 - 6:52am
Wrestling with the return of Deion Branch
"You can't go back home … to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame … back home to someone who can help you, save you, ease the burden for you, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting.” — Thomas Wolfe
Jerry Thornton
10/08/2010 - 2:09am
Confessions of a Belichickian: Faith in a time without Moss
“The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting!” — “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Ex…

It Is What It Is Cast: Examining the New England Patriots offseason

In the latest edition of the "It Is What It Is" podcast, Chris Price and CSNNE's Mike Giardi take a look at the Patriots offseason on both sides of the ball, try and get a handle on which new guys will make an impact first, and whether or not the Patriots have altered their style when it comes to drafting and developing wide receivers.

Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk on Tebow's release

Mike Florio joined the program to discuss the Jets decision to release Tim Tebow, he said the situation is as disaster all around for the Jets and that the problems begins with owner Woody Johnson. Mike also said that he was disappointed with the Pats moving back in the first round.

Mike Petraglia, WEEI.com, Sits Down with Butch Stearns to Help Break Down the Pats Draft

One of the hardest working men in the biz, Mike Petraglia aka "Trags", sits down with Butch Stearns live in Foxborough to help break down all the latest Pats moves. He discusses his reaction to the trade in Round 1 and the guys those picks produced. Also, the boys talk about the decent trade the Pats made in acquiring LeGarrette Blount from Tampa Bay for Jeff Demps and a 7th rounder.

Celtics President Danny A…

Celtics President Danny Ainge with Salk and Holley

We check in with Danny Ainge for our first talk to him since the Celtics season ended last weekend. We talk about the future of the team, KG, Pierce, Doc Rivers and more, as Danny directly answers the rumors being floated by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPNBoston.com: "Gut" tells me Doc will stay

Jackie Mac joins the show to discuss the trade rumors swirling around Paul Pierce, KG, Doc Rivers and the Celtics. She also discusses the future of the Celtics head coach.

ESPN's Stephen A. Smith on his rumored Celtics Clippers trade

Stephen A. joined the program to discuss the trade rumors he has reported regarding a possible trade including Doc Rivers and the Clippers. Stephen A. also told the guys that he has heard that Danny and Doc may be tiring of working together.

John Lackey postgame gues…

John Lackey postgame guest after the last game of the Minnesota series

Joe Castiglione talked with John Lackey after he picked up the W against the Twins. Lackey threw seven innings, and retired the 1st twelve batters of the game.

John Farrell pregame before the last game of the Minnesota series

Dave O'Brien talked to John Farrell before the end of the Twins series. The Sox skipper said that Big Papi's success is no surprise given his work ethic.

John Farrell postgame press conference

John Farrell postgame press conference

Shawn Thornton on the Bru…

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

Dale and DJ Continue Their Preview of Bruins/Rangers and Discuss the Power Play on Sports Sunday

Dale and DJ roll on with their puck talk and chat some more about the goalie matchup in this series, as well as the lack of a quality power play for both of these teams. In fact, DJ says the Rangers are even worse on the PP than the B’s! The guys also get into the resurgence of Milan Lucic and his deceptive speed and grit. Dale and DJ talk about the similar styles of play for these teams and look forward to Game 2.

Dale Arnold and DJ Bean Discuss Claude vs Tortorella, Tyler Seguin and more About Bruins/Rangers

Dale and DJ get into the two coaches and their polar opposite styles and demeanor. Both teams play a similar style, but the coaches certainly convey their messages in a different way. Dale isn't buying the Tortorella hype and thinks he's a little overrated. DJ thinks he's a good coach, but isn't a fan of anti-media stance. The guys also talk about Jagr and how he has not lived up to the hype. They weren't expecting him to light it up or be the savior, but DJ says he wasn't prepared for just how slow the aging veteran is. Another big topic for B's fans this season is the play of Tyler Seguin and why he has yet to become the superstar everyone anticipates he will be. This leads to Claude Julien's style and if he does actually have something against the younger players. That Iginla trade shows its ugly head again as well.

Shawn Thornton on the Bru…

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

Things you would never do

John, Gerry and Kirk give their things that they would never do, listeners joined on the WEEI yakoff app with their thoughts.

Kirk sings the Star Spangled Banner

After hearing the horrible performance by Alexis Normand at the Memorial Cup in Canada, Minihane saved us all by delivering a heartfelt rendition of our national anthem.

Matt Bartkowski, Bruins D…

Matt Bartkowski, Bruins D: Coaches and teammates have made him comfortable

Bruins rookie defenseman Matt Bartkowski has emerged as one of the young stars of the team and he joins Mut and Tom Caron to discuss his role on the team, why he's confident, and the trade that almost sent him to Calgary.

Kevin Millar, Former Red Sox 1B, on Sox struggles

Millar joins the show to discuss the recent Sox slide, Jacoby Ellsbury's lack of power, and hitting in the big leagues.

Andy Brickley, NESN: Keep Bartkowski in lineup

Andy Brickley joins the show to discuss the Bruins Game 1 win over the Rangers, the play of the three young Bruins defensemen, and the fatigue Jagr has shown on the ice.

An hour with Jack: Breaki…

An hour with Jack: Breaking down the Bruins OT win over the Rangers with NESN's Jack Edwards

We talk all things game one with Jack Edwards of NESN, and get to hear a little from Jack's Finnish protege as well.

Salk and Holley's Four at Four - 05/17/13

We tackle four topics we haven't yet touched upon today.. Joe Thornton and disappointing former Boston athletes, parking in Boston, buying jersey numbers and more...

Yo Soy Traction! Rob Gronkowski now may need back surgery in addition to his 4th surgery on his injured wrist.

We talk about the report that Rob Gronkowski may now be a candidate for back surgery with a disc problem. Is Gronk just an injury prone guy? Or is he not rehabbing proberly? Can the Pats build an offense around a guy who is so inconsistently on the field? We discuss.

Daily Planet Thursday May…

Daily Planet Thursday May 9th

The Bruins have almost finished raking the Leafs, the Red Sox struggle from the mound, Miami Heat fans show their level of class.

Daily Planet Wednesday May 8th

Daily Planet Wednesday May 8th

Daily Planet Tuesday May 7th

Today on the Daily Planet the Bruins take a 2-1 series lead, the Red Sox get a run-off win, and we hear about cannibals and bible thieves.

Linda calls in to describ…

Linda calls in to describe the scene on Dexter St in Watertown

Linda explains how the shootout transpired in Watertown during the early morning hours. She saw the first suspect mortally wounded and police beginning the manhunt for the second suspect.

More from this show

Danny Ainge dispels the r…

Danny Ainge dispels the rumors: "I have the best coach in the NBA"

We check in with Danny Ainge for our first talk to him since the Celtics season ended last weekend. We talk about the future of the team, KG, Pierce, Doc Rivers and more, as Danny directly answers the rumors being floated by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.

More from this show

Buster Olney, ESPN: Ellsb…

Buster Olney, ESPN: Ellsbury play will hurt him in free agency

Buster Olney joins the show to discuss the muddled AL East, the average play of Ellsbury and how that will affect him in free agency, and Tropicana Field.

More from this show

Dale Arnold likes the Bru…

Dale Arnold likes the Bruins over the Rangers

Dale Arnold joined the program to preview the Bruins Rangers series with John, Gerry and Kirk. Dale thinks the Bruins have the advantage in the series over New York.

More from this show

Things you would never do

Things you would never do

John, Gerry and Kirk give their things that they would never do, listeners joined on the WEEI yakoff app with their thoughts.

More from this show

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