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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
02/01/2012 - 2:40am
Jerry Thornton
01/18/2012 - 1:23am
“A mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.” -- Roman philosopher Seneca the Younger “Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but in a positive way.” -- Wedding Crashers Rule No. 6
Jerry Thornton
01/04/2012 - 1:36am
It turns out reports of the death of the Patriots Way were greatly exaggerated.
Jerry Thornton
12/21/2011 - 10:35am
One man’s annual countdown of the biggest miscreants, jerks, psychos, losers, mental defectives, morons, habitual criminal offenders, dirtbags and nitwits of the year: 10. The Miami Heat
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2011 - 1:11am
You know, you’d think that with us not being all that far removed from the days when Boston was “Loserville,” we’d all just be able to appreciate winning just for its own sake. That we wouldn’t worry about the manner in which we won or style points or any of that nonsense. That only the scoreboard would matter.
Jerry Thornton
11/23/2011 - 2:32am
It’s gone without saying all season that the Patriots pass defense hasn’t been very good. In fact since they came out of the gate, the Pats have been called the consensus worst defense in the NFL --  32nd in the league against the pass, 32nd in the league overall. 
Jerry Thornton
11/09/2011 - 1:26am
Despite the fact that I’m an unapologetic Patriots homer, I have to confess that like most people, I, too, am starting to have serious concerns about where this team is headed.
Jerry Thornton
10/25/2011 - 10:52pm
“Lost in the cacophony of the last few weeks is the fact that the Boston Red Sox remain one of the preeminent organizations in baseball, with an extremely bright future.
Jerry Thornton
10/14/2011 - 1:08pm
I've always considered there to be seven categories of pro sports athletic achievement. In ascending order of accomplishment: -- All-Star/Pro Bowler -- First Team All-Star/All-Pro -- League MVP -- Team Hall/Wall/Ring of Fame -- Hall of Famer
Jerry Thornton
09/28/2011 - 12:18am
The month of September has been one of the worst in recent memories for the Boston sports fan. The Red Sox are on the verge of what might end up being the worst late-season implosion in baseball history. The Patriots blew a 21-0 lead in Buffalo. And even while they were going 2-0, the Pats showed a defense so soft it should have a sponsorship deal with memory foam pillows.
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2011 - 8:36pm
Shameless Patriots fanboy that I am, I have a Pats postgame routine that I follow. When they win a game, particularly when they win big the way they did Monday night in Miami, I stick around afterward and watch as much of the wrap-up and analysis as I possibly can. From the first on-the-field reactions to the press conferences to what the empty suits behind the desk think to the Jerry Springer-like final words while the janitor is in the background sweeping up after all the reporters, I just can't get enough.
Jerry Thornton
09/02/2011 - 10:50am
Let's start with a quiz. The category is Boston sports and the media.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2011 - 12:23am
When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth. Another guy likes Kate Middleton.
Jerry Thornton
08/04/2011 - 10:44pm
Jerry Thornton
07/20/2011 - 12:55am
Confession time. I’m sure those of you who’ve read my column before, heard me on WEEI and watched the Fanthropology videos I’ve done for this site just naturally assume I’m about the most suave, sophisticated guy in Boston.
Jerry Thornton
07/06/2011 - 9:31am
Let's be honest: Sportswise, this isn't shaping up to be the best summer ever. Maybe it's just the post-Stanley Cup hangover talking. Moving past the hockey season is proving to be one of those half-a-bottle-of-Bayer-plus-some-hair-of-the-dog brain killer.
Jerry Thornton
06/29/2011 - 11:00am
Without a doubt, “tradition” is one of the most grossly overused words in the English language. We use it to describe everything from the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns to the mayor of Punxsutawny pulling a giant rat out of the ground every February 2nd. My own in-laws use it to justify their passive-aggressive displays of disapproval of me during every major holiday.
Jerry Thornton
06/22/2011 - 12:28am
“Boston loves a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Bostonians play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed ... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Massholes.” --Patton (edited somewhat by me)
Jerry Thornton
06/07/2011 - 11:57pm
That peculiar sound you’ve been hearing the last month-and-a-half or so has been the anguished sound of a generation of Boston sports media having to re-acquaint themselves with how to pay attention to the Bruins. It’s been a great disturbance in the Force.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2011 - 8:54am
Like I’ve admitted here before, I’m new to this business of being all wrapped up in the Bruins. Or to put it more accurately, I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of Bostonians who followed the Bruins closely but eventually jumped ship.
Jerry Thornton
05/11/2011 - 12:33am
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the seminar. I’m handing out the information packet we’ll be using, so if you could just take one and pass the rest to person behind you, we can get started.
Jerry Thornton
04/27/2011 - 5:43am
Somehow, you just knew from the puck drop in Game 1 that “Bruins-Canadiens Part XXXIII: This Time, It's Personal” was going to come down to a Game 7. And while I have every hope and faith it's going to go well Wednesday night and the Bruins will move on, it's still worth pointing out that I'd rather be us than them.
Jerry Thornton
04/13/2011 - 12:56am
It’s rare in this life that you get to see the kind of justice we were treated to this week watching Manny Ramirez’ baseball career end in disgrace. There couldn’t be a more appropriate ending than to see him slink away from the game like the coward he is.
Jerry Thornton
04/05/2011 - 11:24pm
This is without a doubt my favorite four-week stretch of the year.
Jerry Thornton
03/30/2011 - 1:12am
“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Lo…

It Is What It Is Cast: Logan Mankins, the offensive line, and Brandon Spikes' guarantee

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Christopher Price discuss Logan Mankins' breakdown of the offensive line and how it will look without Dante Scarnecchia. They also discussed Mankins' rebuttal to Brandon Spikes.

It Is What It Is Cast: Bill Parcells and Patriots Hall of Fame

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Chris Price discuss Bill Parcells' Patriots Hall of Fame candidacy.

CSNNE's Tom E. Curran Reports From NFL Owners Meetings

Tom Curran calls the show to discuss the Vince Wilfork contract situation. After texting with Vince this morning, Curran says that Vince's camp is possibly trying to put the "genie back in the lamp" and that the possibility of the Pro Bowl DT returning to the team has improved.

Celtics President Danny A…

Celtics President Danny Ainge with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We wrap up the Celtics season by speaking with Celtics president Danny Ainge about this past season and the team's future.

Wyc Grousbeck, Celtics Owner: Reflects on the Boston Marathon tragedy 4-15-4

Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck joins Mut and Merloni to discuss and reflect on the Boston Marathon Bombings a year later.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, on the Celtics, 4-10-14

Jackie MacMullan talks some Celtics with Mut and Merloni as the season is winding down and the team is positioned to have a high draft pick.

Jonny Gomes with Joe Cast…

Jonny Gomes with Joe Castiglione & Rob Bradford after the crazy win at Fenway

Joe & Rob talked to Jonny Gomes after the dramatic run-off win at Fenway over the Orioles.

Joe and Dave postgame with David Ross 04-17-14

Dave O'Brien and Joe Castiglione talk with Red Sox catcher, David Ross, who had the go-ahead RBI tonight as the Red Sox beat the White Sox behind a brilliant pitching performance from Jon Lester.

Dave O'Brien with Dale and Holley - 4-17-14

Sox broadcaster Dave O'Brien checks in live from Chicago for our weekly chat about the state of the Sox.

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sport…

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sports, Previews Bruins-Red Wings 4-18-14

Pierre McGuire of NBC Sports joins the program to talk about the creativity of Red Wings coach Mike Babcock as well as the potential for physical play in the series.

Shawn Thornton calls in on gameday 4-18-14

Shawn Thornton discussed how he prepares on gameday in the postseason.

Jack Edwards with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We preview Red Wings-Bruins with the great Jack Edwards of NESN.

Scott Stella on his buddy…

Scott Stella on his buddy Mark Fucarile 4-18-14

Scott talked about the fantastic E 60 documentary Dream On and how his friend is doing.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Chelsea is pregnant 4-18-14

The top of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane. Today the guys discussed Chelsea Clinton's pregnancy.

Shawn Thornton calls in on gameday 4-18-14

Shawn Thornton discussed how he prepares on gameday in the postseason.

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sport…

Pierre McGuire, NBC Sports, Previews Bruins-Red Wings 4-18-14

Pierre McGuire of NBC Sports joins the program to talk about the creativity of Red Wings coach Mike Babcock as well as the potential for physical play in the series.

Bruins heavy favorites going into first round Series against the Red Wings

Mut and TC discuss how almost every national hockey writer is picking the Bruins to beat Detroit. Will the Bruins be too confident?

Mut and Merloni Previewing Playoff Hockey 4-18-14

Mut and TC preview the Bruins first round match up against Detroit Red Wings

Dale and Holley with DJ B…

Dale and Holley with DJ Bean : Complete Bruins-Wings game 1 preview and analysis

We get you ready for Bruins game one of round one vs the Detroit Red Wings, with DJ Bean from WEEI.com

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Title Town Edition - 4-18-14

We tackle four topics all revolving around the most recent runs to championships in Boston, and misnomers like Title Town for Green Bay or Hockey Town for Detroit.

Jack Edwards previews Red Wings and Bruins Round 1 with Dale and Holley 4-17-14

We preview Red Wings-Bruins with the great Jack Edwards of NESN.

Rick Middleton joins Plan…

Rick Middleton joins Planet Mikey

Nifty jumps on the Planet for an hour.

Red Sox lose to the Orioles 2-1 on Opening Day

Lou Merloni did play-by-play with Joe Castiglione today and then joined The Planet Mikey Show to talk about what went wrong, and a few things that went right as the Red Sox started their campaign to defend their World Series title.

Chris Price joins John Ryder to talk the Patriots' newest acquisition

WEEI.com's Chris Price joins John Ryder and Chris Villani on Planet Mikey to discuss the signing of Revis Island

Pod Man Rush: DJ Bean and…

Pod Man Rush: DJ Bean and Greg Wyshynski on Bruins-Red Wings

Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo! Sports joins DJ to break down the first-round matchup between the Bruins and Red Wings. Also discussed is Zdeno Chara's Norris candidacy, transparency with voting for the NHL awards and whether the Canadiens will get out of the first round.

Minor Details Ep. 79: The meaning of winning in the minors with Carlos Febles, Evan Lepler

The Red Sox' High-A minor league team in Salem recently had a 16-game winning streak that spanned two seasons. So what? From the standpoint of making prospects better and fostering player development, does that matter? Salem manager Carlos Febles (who managed Salem for the end of their winning streak, but who was also in charge of a 50-87 Single-A Greenville team in 2013) and Salem radio play-by-play man Evan Lepler discuss -- while also touching on a number of prospects in search of the next Earl Weaver and Vinegar Bend Mizell.

WEEI WrestleCast: Wrestlemania 30 recap

Scott and Ben recap WrestleMania 30 and talk about the death of the Ultimate Warrior.

Dale and Holley with DJ B…

Dale and Holley with DJ Bean : Complete Bruins-Wings game 1 preview and analysis

We get you ready for Bruins game one of round one vs the Detroit Red Wings, with DJ Bean from WEEI.com

More from this show

Scott Lauber, Boston Hera…

Scott Lauber, Boston Herald, joins Mustard and Johnson to talk Red Sox

Last night's game started with a suspicious double down the line, hit by Nick Markakis, that was ruled fair. Lackey struggled again. Scott Lauber joins the show to discuss the Red Sox early season struggles.

More from this show

Sports Saturday with Must…

Sports Saturday with Mustard and Johnson

The Bruins lose a hard-fought opening game against the Red Wings 1-0 on a marvelous goal by Pavel Datsyuk. In addition, the heartbreak continued as the Red Sox lost to Baltimore and the first inning included a very controversial play which resurrected the conversation involving MLB's Instant Replay.

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Fantasy Football Offseaso…

Fantasy Football Offseason Podcast #4

The 4th addition of WEEI’s Fantasy Football Offseason Podcast is loaded and ready. In this week’s conversation Jim Hackett and Pete Davidson of Rotobahn.com dig into the sinking draft stock of Teddy Bridgewater (much too their chagrin), while refocusing and emphasizing the immense scouting work done by Pete on players like Bridgewater, Zach Mettenberger, Blake Bortles, Bishop Sankey & Lache Seastrunk. Also, Jim & Pete touch on news from around the league regarding new Jet, Chris Johnson, Montee Ball in Denver and help you tune out all of the negative noise some in the media are trying to push. We’re not buying! Lots of Football love in this podcast for the Football lover. Enjoy!

More from this show

Dale and Holley's Four at…

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Title Town Edition - 4-18-14

We tackle four topics all revolving around the most recent runs to championships in Boston, and misnomers like Title Town for Green Bay or Hockey Town for Detroit.

More from this show

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