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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
02/01/2012 - 2:40am
Jerry Thornton
01/18/2012 - 1:23am
“A mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.” -- Roman philosopher Seneca the Younger “Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but in a positive way.” -- Wedding Crashers Rule No. 6
Jerry Thornton
01/04/2012 - 1:36am
It turns out reports of the death of the Patriots Way were greatly exaggerated.
Jerry Thornton
12/21/2011 - 10:35am
One man’s annual countdown of the biggest miscreants, jerks, psychos, losers, mental defectives, morons, habitual criminal offenders, dirtbags and nitwits of the year: 10. The Miami Heat
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2011 - 1:11am
You know, you’d think that with us not being all that far removed from the days when Boston was “Loserville,” we’d all just be able to appreciate winning just for its own sake. That we wouldn’t worry about the manner in which we won or style points or any of that nonsense. That only the scoreboard would matter.
Jerry Thornton
11/23/2011 - 2:32am
It’s gone without saying all season that the Patriots pass defense hasn’t been very good. In fact since they came out of the gate, the Pats have been called the consensus worst defense in the NFL --  32nd in the league against the pass, 32nd in the league overall. 
Jerry Thornton
11/09/2011 - 1:26am
Despite the fact that I’m an unapologetic Patriots homer, I have to confess that like most people, I, too, am starting to have serious concerns about where this team is headed.
Jerry Thornton
10/25/2011 - 10:52pm
“Lost in the cacophony of the last few weeks is the fact that the Boston Red Sox remain one of the preeminent organizations in baseball, with an extremely bright future.
Jerry Thornton
10/14/2011 - 1:08pm
I've always considered there to be seven categories of pro sports athletic achievement. In ascending order of accomplishment: -- All-Star/Pro Bowler -- First Team All-Star/All-Pro -- League MVP -- Team Hall/Wall/Ring of Fame -- Hall of Famer
Jerry Thornton
09/28/2011 - 12:18am
The month of September has been one of the worst in recent memories for the Boston sports fan. The Red Sox are on the verge of what might end up being the worst late-season implosion in baseball history. The Patriots blew a 21-0 lead in Buffalo. And even while they were going 2-0, the Pats showed a defense so soft it should have a sponsorship deal with memory foam pillows.
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2011 - 8:36pm
Shameless Patriots fanboy that I am, I have a Pats postgame routine that I follow. When they win a game, particularly when they win big the way they did Monday night in Miami, I stick around afterward and watch as much of the wrap-up and analysis as I possibly can. From the first on-the-field reactions to the press conferences to what the empty suits behind the desk think to the Jerry Springer-like final words while the janitor is in the background sweeping up after all the reporters, I just can't get enough.
Jerry Thornton
09/02/2011 - 10:50am
Let's start with a quiz. The category is Boston sports and the media.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2011 - 12:23am
When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth. Another guy likes Kate Middleton.
Jerry Thornton
08/04/2011 - 10:44pm
Jerry Thornton
07/20/2011 - 12:55am
Confession time. I’m sure those of you who’ve read my column before, heard me on WEEI and watched the Fanthropology videos I’ve done for this site just naturally assume I’m about the most suave, sophisticated guy in Boston.
Jerry Thornton
07/06/2011 - 9:31am
Let's be honest: Sportswise, this isn't shaping up to be the best summer ever. Maybe it's just the post-Stanley Cup hangover talking. Moving past the hockey season is proving to be one of those half-a-bottle-of-Bayer-plus-some-hair-of-the-dog brain killer.
Jerry Thornton
06/29/2011 - 11:00am
Without a doubt, “tradition” is one of the most grossly overused words in the English language. We use it to describe everything from the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns to the mayor of Punxsutawny pulling a giant rat out of the ground every February 2nd. My own in-laws use it to justify their passive-aggressive displays of disapproval of me during every major holiday.
Jerry Thornton
06/22/2011 - 12:28am
“Boston loves a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Bostonians play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed ... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Massholes.” --Patton (edited somewhat by me)
Jerry Thornton
06/07/2011 - 11:57pm
That peculiar sound you’ve been hearing the last month-and-a-half or so has been the anguished sound of a generation of Boston sports media having to re-acquaint themselves with how to pay attention to the Bruins. It’s been a great disturbance in the Force.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2011 - 8:54am
Like I’ve admitted here before, I’m new to this business of being all wrapped up in the Bruins. Or to put it more accurately, I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of Bostonians who followed the Bruins closely but eventually jumped ship.
Jerry Thornton
05/11/2011 - 12:33am
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the seminar. I’m handing out the information packet we’ll be using, so if you could just take one and pass the rest to person behind you, we can get started.
Jerry Thornton
04/27/2011 - 5:43am
Somehow, you just knew from the puck drop in Game 1 that “Bruins-Canadiens Part XXXIII: This Time, It's Personal” was going to come down to a Game 7. And while I have every hope and faith it's going to go well Wednesday night and the Bruins will move on, it's still worth pointing out that I'd rather be us than them.
Jerry Thornton
04/13/2011 - 12:56am
It’s rare in this life that you get to see the kind of justice we were treated to this week watching Manny Ramirez’ baseball career end in disgrace. There couldn’t be a more appropriate ending than to see him slink away from the game like the coward he is.
Jerry Thornton
04/05/2011 - 11:24pm
This is without a doubt my favorite four-week stretch of the year.
Jerry Thornton
03/30/2011 - 1:12am
“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Gr…

It Is What It Is Cast: Gronk will continue to smash and dash

WEEI.com's Mike Petraglia and Chris Price discuss Rob Gronkowski's meeting with the media on Friday. Gronk said he doesn't anticipate changing the way he plays, noting that he wants to "keep smashing and dashing."

Julian Edelman After Patriots Practice, 7-25-14

Julian Edelman joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz after Patriots training camp.

Peter King of MMQB with Dale and Holley

We return to our weekly segments with the one and only Peter King of MMQB and NBC's Football Night in America.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Bo…

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston, "I think Rondo is going to go, I just don't see where and how yet" 7-17-14

Jackie Mac joins the guys to discuss her thoughts on a possible mid-season tournament in the NBA, LeBron's return to Cleveland, trade rumors with the Celtics and Red Sox, and Darrelle Revis' contract situation.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN Boston: I believe Rondo will be traded 7-10-14

Jackie MacMullan of ESPN Boston to talk about the Lebron James Saga, the possibility of Rajon Rondo being traded, and the future of Marcus Smart.

OK State Men's Basketball coach, Travis Ford, joins MFB to talk about Marcus Smart, 6-30-14

Former coach of Celtics 1st-round pick Marcus Smart, Travis Ford joins MFB to talk about what Celtics fans should expect from the strong point guard. Among other things, Coach Ford says Smart will be a hard worker, and will improve his shooting ability.

Kevin Millar, MLB Network…

Kevin Millar, MLB Network: David Ortiz not afraid of David Price, 7-25-14

Kevin Millar joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz to discuss David Ortiz, Dustin Pedroia's struggles, and Jon Lester's contract.

Jon Daniels, Texas Rangers GM, Joins the Trade Deadline Show, 7-24-14

Texas Rangers General Manager, Jon Daniels, joins Rob Bradford and Alex Speier to discuss the upcoming trade deadline.

Trade Deadline Show, 7-24-14

A full version of the Trade Deadline show hosted by Rob Bradford and Alex Speier. Featuring an interview with Texas Rangers GM, Jon Daniels.

The Bradfo Show: Talking …

The Bradfo Show: Talking Bruins roster moves with DJ Bean, Turtleboy

Rob Bradford is joined by WEEI.com Bruins beat writer DJ Bean, as well as Boston sports fan/blogger Turtleboy to talk all things Bruins free agency. With the B's recent moves, the conversation turns to where the Bruins might next turn and what kind of dent losing Jarome Iginla and Shawn Thornton might make.

DJ Bean breaks down the first hours of NHL Free Agency 7-1-14

DJ discusses Shawn Thornton's new deal, and the on going negotiations with Jerome Iginla

DJ Bean, WEEI.com. The Bruins are not traded Marchand 6-13-14

DJ Bean joins the program to dismiss the recent rumors that the Bruins are in discussions to trade Brad Marchand to the Sharks for Patrick Marleau

Kirk Minihane on what mot…

Kirk Minihane on what motivates the media 7-25-14

Kirk breaks down the media criticism he has received.

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Dogs understand everything 7-25-14

The stories of the day brought to you by Kirk Minihane

Roger Goodell lets Ray Rice off easy 7-25-14

Dino, Meter and Kirk discuss the light punishment given to Ray Rice by the NFL.

Kevin Millar, MLB Network…

Kevin Millar, MLB Network: David Ortiz not afraid of David Price, 7-25-14

Kevin Millar joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz to talk about David Ortiz, the struggles of Dustin Pedroia, and the Jon Lester contract.

Julian Edelman After Patriots Practice, 7-25-14

Patriots Wide Receiver Julian Edelman joins Merloni, Fauria, and Benz after Patriots training camp.

Drug Abuse ve. Domestic Violence: Fair Comparison, 7-25-14

Given the recent Ray Rice suspension, many people are comparing it to Josh Gordon getting suspended for repeated drug abuse. Tim Benz doesn't think this is a fair comparison. He explains why.

Gronk being Gronk: Althou…

Gronk being Gronk: Although limited in practice, GRONK IS BACK

We discuss the return of Rob Gronkowski, his comments to the media today, and what a healthy (or unhealthy) Gronk will mean for the 2014 Patriots.

NFL setting a strange precedent by only suspending Raven's RB Ray Rice for 2 games

We discuss the suspension of Ray Rice, and how the act he committed certainly seemed like it warranted a harsher penalty from the strict front office of Roger Goodell.

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Dumbass Fan Behavior Edition - 7-25-14

We tackle four topics, all sparked by our interest in the story about the Browns fan peeing on Art Modell's grave this past week.

Jon Lester's Contract Sit…

Jon Lester's Contract Situation and the Future

Mut and Villani are talking about whether the Red Sox will give Jon Lester the type of contract he is looking for, or whether they might be shopping him with rumors of the Red Sox scouting Cole Hamels.

The All Star Game and the Worst Ideas in Sports

Mut and Villani are talking about the MLB All Star Game, Adam Wainwright and Derek Jeter, and what are some of the worst ideas in sports.

We're all yelling about LeBron James

Ian Browne reflects on 10…

Ian Browne reflects on 10th anniversary of Red Sox-Yankees brawl

A compelling case can be made that July 24, 2004, represents as significant a landmark as any date in modern Red Sox history. On that day, a memorable brawl between the Red Sox and Yankees served as a catalyst for an epic 10-9 walkoff victory for the Red Sox over New York and indomitable closer Mariano Rivera, a game cited by many members of the 2004 team as pivotal in Boston's first championship run in 86 years. Ian Browne, who covers the Red Sox for MLB.com and authored Idiots Revisited, discusses the landmark game.

Fantasy Football Podcast July 24th Edition

With Training Camp starting this Thursday and the August Draft Season inching closer, Jim Hackett and Pete Davidson are ramping up the Fantasy Football content to meet the demand! Today’s podcast gives an in depth look at Pete’s Top 50 Wide Receivers Article that is LIVE on WEEI.com right now. Pete breaks down the receivers by Tiers and the podcast gives full analysis of those Tiers and the players who occupy these spots and why. Get prepared for your drafts and enjoy!

Danny O Show - Canelo vs Lara recap, Ronnie Shields

Danny breaks down the Canelo vs Lara fight and the controversy. Mike Tyson's former trainer Ronnie Shields joins the show.

Kirk Minihane on what mot…

Kirk Minihane on what motivates the media 7-25-14

Kirk breaks down the media criticism he has received.

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Peter King: In New Englan…

Peter King: In New England Darrelle Revis will show why he's a top 2 corner in football

We return to our weekly segments with the one and only Peter King of MMQB and NBC's Football Night in America.

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Larry Lucchino says the S…

Larry Lucchino says the Sox have tabled contract talks with Jon Lester 7-24-14

Larry Lucchino discussed the latest on the contract talks with Jon Lester.

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Christian Fauria reviews …

Christian Fauria reviews his Madden ratings 7-24-14

EA Sports released its QB ratings for Madden 15, placing Tom Brady tied for 4th with Russell Wilson. The discussion quickly shifted to Christian's Madden ratings and his perceived lack of awareness

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Minihane returns 7-23-14

Minihane returns 7-23-14

The triumphant return of Kirk Minihane.

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