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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
02/01/2012 - 1:40am
Abandon all hope, ye Patriots fans
Jerry Thornton
01/18/2012 - 12:23am
The negativity in this town STILL sucks
“A mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.” -- Roman philosopher Seneca the Younger “Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but in a positive way.” -- Wedding Crashers Rule No. 6
Jerry Thornton
01/04/2012 - 12:36am
The Patriots Way should never be in doubt
It turns out reports of the death of the Patriots Way were greatly exaggerated.
Jerry Thornton
12/21/2011 - 9:35am
2011 Unsportsmen of the Year
One man’s annual countdown of the biggest miscreants, jerks, psychos, losers, mental defectives, morons, habitual criminal offenders, dirtbags and nitwits of the year: 10. The Miami Heat
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2011 - 12:11am
The Patriots defense and other Boston patience-testers
You know, you’d think that with us not being all that far removed from the days when Boston was “Loserville,” we’d all just be able to appreciate winning just for its own sake. That we wouldn’t worry about the manner in which we won or style points or any of that nonsense. That only the scoreboard would matter.
Jerry Thornton
11/23/2011 - 1:32am
Digging deep to find Bill Belichick's defensive plan
It’s gone without saying all season that the Patriots pass defense hasn’t been very good. In fact since they came out of the gate, the Pats have been called the consensus worst defense in the NFL --  32nd in the league against the pass, 32nd in the league overall. 
Jerry Thornton
11/09/2011 - 12:26am
Should the Patriots get meaner?
Despite the fact that I’m an unapologetic Patriots homer, I have to confess that like most people, I, too, am starting to have serious concerns about where this team is headed.
Jerry Thornton
10/25/2011 - 9:52pm
Letters to Theo
“Lost in the cacophony of the last few weeks is the fact that the Boston Red Sox remain one of the preeminent organizations in baseball, with an extremely bright future.
Jerry Thornton
10/14/2011 - 12:08pm
Boston doesn't do the 'uncriticizable athlete' thing
I've always considered there to be seven categories of pro sports athletic achievement. In ascending order of accomplishment: -- All-Star/Pro Bowler -- First Team All-Star/All-Pro -- League MVP -- Team Hall/Wall/Ring of Fame -- Hall of Famer
Jerry Thornton
09/27/2011 - 11:18pm
Last week a reminder of bad old days for Boston sports fans
The month of September has been one of the worst in recent memories for the Boston sports fan. The Red Sox are on the verge of what might end up being the worst late-season implosion in baseball history. The Patriots blew a 21-0 lead in Buffalo. And even while they were going 2-0, the Pats showed a defense so soft it should have a sponsorship deal with memory foam pillows.
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2011 - 7:36pm
It's clear that Brady and the Patriots have just one thing on their minds
Shameless Patriots fanboy that I am, I have a Pats postgame routine that I follow. When they win a game, particularly when they win big the way they did Monday night in Miami, I stick around afterward and watch as much of the wrap-up and analysis as I possibly can. From the first on-the-field reactions to the press conferences to what the empty suits behind the desk think to the Jerry Springer-like final words while the janitor is in the background sweeping up after all the reporters, I just can't get enough.
Jerry Thornton
09/02/2011 - 9:50am
Where are all the Jacoby Ellsbury critics now?
Let's start with a quiz. The category is Boston sports and the media.
Jerry Thornton
08/17/2011 - 11:23pm
Bill Belichick’s football Match.com profile
When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth. Another guy likes Kate Middleton.
Jerry Thornton
08/04/2011 - 9:44pm
When bad people happen to good teams
Jerry Thornton
07/19/2011 - 11:55pm
Parallels with Potter something to think about for Boston fans
Confession time. I’m sure those of you who’ve read my column before, heard me on WEEI and watched the Fanthropology videos I’ve done for this site just naturally assume I’m about the most suave, sophisticated guy in Boston.
Jerry Thornton
07/06/2011 - 8:31am
One Red Sox fan's charges against Roger Clemens
Let's be honest: Sportswise, this isn't shaping up to be the best summer ever. Maybe it's just the post-Stanley Cup hangover talking. Moving past the hockey season is proving to be one of those half-a-bottle-of-Bayer-plus-some-hair-of-the-dog brain killer.
Jerry Thornton
06/29/2011 - 10:00am
For once, a Boston Tradition that lives up to the name
Without a doubt, “tradition” is one of the most grossly overused words in the English language. We use it to describe everything from the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns to the mayor of Punxsutawny pulling a giant rat out of the ground every February 2nd. My own in-laws use it to justify their passive-aggressive displays of disapproval of me during every major holiday.
Jerry Thornton
06/21/2011 - 11:28pm
Why We Win
“Boston loves a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Bostonians play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed ... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Massholes.” --Patton (edited somewhat by me)
Jerry Thornton
06/07/2011 - 10:57pm
Canucks misdeeds have sparked new wave of passion in Bruins fans
That peculiar sound you’ve been hearing the last month-and-a-half or so has been the anguished sound of a generation of Boston sports media having to re-acquaint themselves with how to pay attention to the Bruins. It’s been a great disturbance in the Force.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2011 - 7:54am
Time to give Claude Julien respect he deserves
Like I’ve admitted here before, I’m new to this business of being all wrapped up in the Bruins. Or to put it more accurately, I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of Bostonians who followed the Bruins closely but eventually jumped ship.
Jerry Thornton
05/10/2011 - 11:33pm
An orientation for Pink Hat Bruins fans
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the seminar. I’m handing out the information packet we’ll be using, so if you could just take one and pass the rest to person behind you, we can get started.
Jerry Thornton
04/27/2011 - 4:43am
Ten reasons to be glad you're a Bruins fan Wednesday night
Somehow, you just knew from the puck drop in Game 1 that “Bruins-Canadiens Part XXXIII: This Time, It's Personal” was going to come down to a Game 7. And while I have every hope and faith it's going to go well Wednesday night and the Bruins will move on, it's still worth pointing out that I'd rather be us than them.
Jerry Thornton
04/12/2011 - 11:56pm
Breaking down the Manny Scale
It’s rare in this life that you get to see the kind of justice we were treated to this week watching Manny Ramirez’ baseball career end in disgrace. There couldn’t be a more appropriate ending than to see him slink away from the game like the coward he is.
Jerry Thornton
04/05/2011 - 10:24pm
Taking a spin around the world of sports
This is without a doubt my favorite four-week stretch of the year.
Jerry Thornton
03/30/2011 - 12:12am
When it comes to great offseasons, Theo ranks near the top
“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll.



Audio On Demand

The Boys Give Their Super…

The Boys Give Their Super Bowl Score on the Final Segment of NFL Sunday For the Year

The NFL Sunday gang wraps up the season predicting the score of Super Bowl 46...and they don't think it's going to be as close as most people do. Go Pats!

The Super Bowl Can Be Emotional Enough, But the Pats Are Doing It for Myra

NFL Sunday rolls on with Dale, Fauria and Price talking about the emotional roller coaster the Pats and more specifically team owner Robert Kraft have been on this season. With the passing of his wife Myra, this goal to become champs has taken on a whole new meaning.

The Giants Have Been Yapping...And Then Their Website Pokes the Pats

The NFL Sunday crew talks about the cocky and brash chatter coming from some of the Giants the last couple weeks. Dale is surprised that Tom Coughlin allowed most of it to go down and says Belichick would never let that fly. The guys also touch on the little mistake the Giants team website made yesterday in putting up the "Giants are Super Bowl Champions" homepage yesterday - that's a no-no!

JaJuan Johnson with Grand…

JaJuan Johnson with Grande & Max post-win

JaJuan Johnson spoke with Grande & Max after the Celtics beat the Bulls today at the Garden.

Grande & Max with Doris Burke

Sean Grande & Cedric Maxwell sat down with ESPN's Doris Burke during halftime of Celtics/Bulls

Doc Rivers & Sean Grande preview Celtics-Bulls tonight at the Garden

Doc Rivers & Sean Grande preview Celtics-Bulls today at the Garden. Tune in to Celtics Today at 3:00p to hear the full interview

Dustin Pedroia's Laser Sh…

Dustin Pedroia's Laser Show on the Big Show

Dustin tells us you can't hustle a hustler, and other funny anecdotes.

Red Sox GM Ben Cherington with the Big Show

The Sox GM joined Glenn and Michael to talk Scutaro, Punto, Oswalt, Luxury Tax and all things off-season.

Dustin Pedroia's Laser Show on the Big Show

Dustin Pedroia joined the Big Show for his weekly segment, and talked about losing Scutaro, gaining Cody Ross and Nick Punto, and then got a surprise from his best friend.

Brad Marchand, Bruins for…

Brad Marchand, Bruins forward, on Tim Thomas' facebook post

Brad Marchand joins the show and talks about if Tim Thomas is a distraction to the team and why the Bruins have been struggling as of late.

Andrew Ference, Bruins defenseman, on Tim Thomas, Patrice Bergeron, and the team's recent struggles

Andrew joins D&C to discuss how he feels about Tim Thomas' political views and how Patrice Bergeron has been the MVP for the team so far this season. Andrew also talks about how they have to regroup and make adjustments to get out this funk the team is currently in.

Brad Marchand, Bruins Forward, on Tim Thomas skipping White House visit

Brad Marchand joins the show to talk about President Obama calling him out on stage and Tim Thomas skipping the White House visit.

The Meter "He Said What" …

The Meter "He Said What" Minute

Meter talks about the Celtics 88-87 OT loss to the Lakers last night, Kobe Bryant trying to recruit Rob Gronkowski to the Eagles, and Samantha DeFlaco who went to the Giants Super Bowl parade looking for Jets QB Mark Sanchez.

Andrew Ference, Bruins defenseman, on Tim Thomas, Patrice Bergeron, and the team's recent struggles

Andrew joins D&C to discuss how he feels about Tim Thomas' political views and how Patrice Bergeron has been the MVP for the team so far this season. Andrew also talks about how they have to regroup and make adjustments to get out this funk the team is currently in.

Tim Thomas continues to be a distraction for the Bruins

Tim Thomas is once again in the news for posting his political views on facebook but refuses to talk to the media about it. Is this situation becoming more than a distraction to the team especially with their recent play? D&C react.

Brad Marchand, Bruins for…

Brad Marchand, Bruins forward, on Tim Thomas' facebook post

Brad Marchand joins the show and talks about if Tim Thomas is a distraction to the team and why the Bruins have been struggling as of late.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPN

Jackie Mac makes her weekly appearance and talks about the Celtics loss to the Lakers, the team's future, and what will happen with Paul Pierce.

Celtics fall to Lakers

In an ugly game, the Celtics lost to the Lakers in OT. Have we seen the last of the current Lakers Celtics rivalry?

Belichick picked his pois…

Belichick picked his poison in Mario Manningham... and it killed him

We play the soundbite from the NFL Network from Super Bowl 46 where Bill Belichick is telling his defense 'this is still a Cruz and Nicks game'. The Patriots of course were then burned by Mario Manningham on the Giants game-winning drive. We discuss whether it was the right decision or not.

Shaquille O'Neal is terrible at his new job as an NBA analyst for TNT

Glenn and Michael debate what, if anything, Shaq is bringing to the table for TNT's NBA pre and postgame coverage.

Tim Thomas... are his politics a genuine distraction for the Bruins or just a media-driven fabrication?

We talk about Tim Thomas refusing to speak to reporters about his political ramblings on Facebook, and about whether or not this is a media driven controversy, or a genuine distraction for Thomas' Bruins teammates.

Would the Patriots be mor…

Would the Patriots be more successful with a defensive coordinator?

The discussion of the Patriots loss in the Super Bowl and just like any other loss, the coaching is called into question and whether a defensive coordinator on staff would have helped Bill Belichick and the Patriots.

Could the Llama be coming to the Celtics

Mikey has made no bones about his feelings on Pau Gasol, what will he do if the Celtics trade Rondo for Gasol? Also our buddy LB calls in to talk about the Patriots Super Bowl loss.

Patriots fans are coming to terms with the loss

Mikey talks to some Patriots fans who are still looking at the loss and breaking down what went wrong but are also looking to the future for the franchise.

Fri. February 10th Whiner…

Fri. February 10th Whiner Line

Losing the Super Bowl? Terrrrrrrrrrrrrrible.

Whine of the Week - 02/10/12

This week's whine of the week winner. If you are our winner please send an email with which whine you left and all of your information to whineoftheweek@weei.com

Thurs. February 9th Whiner Line

Live from Hurricane's... not Cocaine's which is where Oil Can Boyd wanted to be broadcasting from. Plus the Cranky Yankee Bitch reaches her tipping point.

Mark Madden talks about t…

Mark Madden talks about the Penn State scandal and drops a new bomb about Jerry Sandusky

Our friend from Pittsburgh, Mark Madden, joins D&C to give his take on the Joe Paterno/Penn State scandal and says Jerry Sandusky may have been 'Pimping Out Young Boys to Rich Donors.'

More from this show

Shaquille O'Neal is terri…

Shaquille O'Neal is terrible at his new job as an NBA analyst for TNT

Glenn and Michael debate what, if anything, Shaq is bringing to the table for TNT's NBA pre and postgame coverage.

More from this show

The Dodgers Andre Ethier …

The Dodgers Andre Ethier PUNKS Red Sox 2nd Baseman Dustin Pedroia

Dustin joined Glenn and Michael on the Big Show, and they asked him if they could take a call. Dustin agreed, and the caller then went on to rip the crap out of him. What Dustin didn't know is that the caller was one of his best friends... Andre Ethier from the Dodgers.

More from this show

Is this really Joe in Nas…

Is this really Joe in Nashville or Randy Moss calling in again

D&C receive a second call from Joe in Nashville voicing his frustration over the Pats not bringing back Randy Moss during last offseason.

More from this show

Tim Thomas... are his pol…

Tim Thomas... are his politics a genuine distraction for the Bruins or just a media-driven fabrication?

We talk about Tim Thomas refusing to speak to reporters about his political ramblings on Facebook, and about whether or not this is a media driven controversy, or a genuine distraction for Thomas' Bruins teammates.

More from this show

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