Columnists
RSS Feed  RSS
Weei » Columnists » Jerry Thornton » Jerry Thornton Archive
Archives
About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
02/01/2012 - 2:40am
Abandon all hope, ye Patriots fans
Jerry Thornton
01/18/2012 - 1:23am
The negativity in this town STILL sucks
“A mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.” -- Roman philosopher Seneca the Younger “Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but in a positive way.” -- Wedding Crashers Rule No. 6
Jerry Thornton
01/04/2012 - 1:36am
The Patriots Way should never be in doubt
It turns out reports of the death of the Patriots Way were greatly exaggerated.
Jerry Thornton
12/21/2011 - 10:35am
2011 Unsportsmen of the Year
One man’s annual countdown of the biggest miscreants, jerks, psychos, losers, mental defectives, morons, habitual criminal offenders, dirtbags and nitwits of the year: 10. The Miami Heat
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2011 - 1:11am
The Patriots defense and other Boston patience-testers
You know, you’d think that with us not being all that far removed from the days when Boston was “Loserville,” we’d all just be able to appreciate winning just for its own sake. That we wouldn’t worry about the manner in which we won or style points or any of that nonsense. That only the scoreboard would matter.
Jerry Thornton
11/23/2011 - 2:32am
Digging deep to find Bill Belichick's defensive plan
It’s gone without saying all season that the Patriots pass defense hasn’t been very good. In fact since they came out of the gate, the Pats have been called the consensus worst defense in the NFL --  32nd in the league against the pass, 32nd in the league overall. 
Jerry Thornton
11/09/2011 - 1:26am
Should the Patriots get meaner?
Despite the fact that I’m an unapologetic Patriots homer, I have to confess that like most people, I, too, am starting to have serious concerns about where this team is headed.
Jerry Thornton
10/25/2011 - 10:52pm
Letters to Theo
“Lost in the cacophony of the last few weeks is the fact that the Boston Red Sox remain one of the preeminent organizations in baseball, with an extremely bright future.
Jerry Thornton
10/14/2011 - 1:08pm
Boston doesn't do the 'uncriticizable athlete' thing
I've always considered there to be seven categories of pro sports athletic achievement. In ascending order of accomplishment: -- All-Star/Pro Bowler -- First Team All-Star/All-Pro -- League MVP -- Team Hall/Wall/Ring of Fame -- Hall of Famer
Jerry Thornton
09/28/2011 - 12:18am
Last week a reminder of bad old days for Boston sports fans
The month of September has been one of the worst in recent memories for the Boston sports fan. The Red Sox are on the verge of what might end up being the worst late-season implosion in baseball history. The Patriots blew a 21-0 lead in Buffalo. And even while they were going 2-0, the Pats showed a defense so soft it should have a sponsorship deal with memory foam pillows.
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2011 - 8:36pm
It's clear that Brady and the Patriots have just one thing on their minds
Shameless Patriots fanboy that I am, I have a Pats postgame routine that I follow. When they win a game, particularly when they win big the way they did Monday night in Miami, I stick around afterward and watch as much of the wrap-up and analysis as I possibly can. From the first on-the-field reactions to the press conferences to what the empty suits behind the desk think to the Jerry Springer-like final words while the janitor is in the background sweeping up after all the reporters, I just can't get enough.
Jerry Thornton
09/02/2011 - 10:50am
Where are all the Jacoby Ellsbury critics now?
Let's start with a quiz. The category is Boston sports and the media.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2011 - 12:23am
Bill Belichick’s football Match.com profile
When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth. Another guy likes Kate Middleton.
Jerry Thornton
08/04/2011 - 10:44pm
When bad people happen to good teams
Jerry Thornton
07/20/2011 - 12:55am
Parallels with Potter something to think about for Boston fans
Confession time. I’m sure those of you who’ve read my column before, heard me on WEEI and watched the Fanthropology videos I’ve done for this site just naturally assume I’m about the most suave, sophisticated guy in Boston.
Jerry Thornton
07/06/2011 - 9:31am
One Red Sox fan's charges against Roger Clemens
Let's be honest: Sportswise, this isn't shaping up to be the best summer ever. Maybe it's just the post-Stanley Cup hangover talking. Moving past the hockey season is proving to be one of those half-a-bottle-of-Bayer-plus-some-hair-of-the-dog brain killer.
Jerry Thornton
06/29/2011 - 11:00am
For once, a Boston Tradition that lives up to the name
Without a doubt, “tradition” is one of the most grossly overused words in the English language. We use it to describe everything from the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns to the mayor of Punxsutawny pulling a giant rat out of the ground every February 2nd. My own in-laws use it to justify their passive-aggressive displays of disapproval of me during every major holiday.
Jerry Thornton
06/22/2011 - 12:28am
Why We Win
“Boston loves a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Bostonians play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed ... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Massholes.” --Patton (edited somewhat by me)
Jerry Thornton
06/07/2011 - 11:57pm
Canucks misdeeds have sparked new wave of passion in Bruins fans
That peculiar sound you’ve been hearing the last month-and-a-half or so has been the anguished sound of a generation of Boston sports media having to re-acquaint themselves with how to pay attention to the Bruins. It’s been a great disturbance in the Force.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2011 - 8:54am
Time to give Claude Julien respect he deserves
Like I’ve admitted here before, I’m new to this business of being all wrapped up in the Bruins. Or to put it more accurately, I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of Bostonians who followed the Bruins closely but eventually jumped ship.
Jerry Thornton
05/11/2011 - 12:33am
An orientation for Pink Hat Bruins fans
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the seminar. I’m handing out the information packet we’ll be using, so if you could just take one and pass the rest to person behind you, we can get started.
Jerry Thornton
04/27/2011 - 5:43am
Ten reasons to be glad you're a Bruins fan Wednesday night
Somehow, you just knew from the puck drop in Game 1 that “Bruins-Canadiens Part XXXIII: This Time, It's Personal” was going to come down to a Game 7. And while I have every hope and faith it's going to go well Wednesday night and the Bruins will move on, it's still worth pointing out that I'd rather be us than them.
Jerry Thornton
04/13/2011 - 12:56am
Breaking down the Manny Scale
It’s rare in this life that you get to see the kind of justice we were treated to this week watching Manny Ramirez’ baseball career end in disgrace. There couldn’t be a more appropriate ending than to see him slink away from the game like the coward he is.
Jerry Thornton
04/05/2011 - 11:24pm
Taking a spin around the world of sports
This is without a doubt my favorite four-week stretch of the year.
Jerry Thornton
03/30/2011 - 1:12am
When it comes to great offseasons, Theo ranks near the top
“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll.


Audio On Demand

It Is What It Is Cast: Ex…

It Is What It Is Cast: Examining the New England Patriots offseason

In the latest edition of the "It Is What It Is" podcast, Chris Price and CSNNE's Mike Giardi take a look at the Patriots offseason on both sides of the ball, try and get a handle on which new guys will make an impact first, and whether or not the Patriots have altered their style when it comes to drafting and developing wide receivers.

Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk on Tebow's release

Mike Florio joined the program to discuss the Jets decision to release Tim Tebow, he said the situation is as disaster all around for the Jets and that the problems begins with owner Woody Johnson. Mike also said that he was disappointed with the Pats moving back in the first round.

Mike Petraglia, WEEI.com, Sits Down with Butch Stearns to Help Break Down the Pats Draft

One of the hardest working men in the biz, Mike Petraglia aka "Trags", sits down with Butch Stearns live in Foxborough to help break down all the latest Pats moves. He discusses his reaction to the trade in Round 1 and the guys those picks produced. Also, the boys talk about the decent trade the Pats made in acquiring LeGarrette Blount from Tampa Bay for Jeff Demps and a 7th rounder.

Celtics President Danny A…

Celtics President Danny Ainge with Salk and Holley

We check in with Danny Ainge for our first talk to him since the Celtics season ended last weekend. We talk about the future of the team, KG, Pierce, Doc Rivers and more, as Danny directly answers the rumors being floated by ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.

Jackie MacMullan, ESPNBoston.com: "Gut" tells me Doc will stay

Jackie Mac joins the show to discuss the trade rumors swirling around Paul Pierce, KG, Doc Rivers and the Celtics. She also discusses the future of the Celtics head coach.

ESPN's Stephen A. Smith on his rumored Celtics Clippers trade

Stephen A. joined the program to discuss the trade rumors he has reported regarding a possible trade including Doc Rivers and the Clippers. Stephen A. also told the guys that he has heard that Danny and Doc may be tiring of working together.

John Lackey postgame gues…

John Lackey postgame guest after the last game of the Minnesota series

Joe Castiglione talked with John Lackey after he picked up the W against the Twins. Lackey threw seven innings, and retired the 1st twelve batters of the game.

John Farrell pregame before the last game of the Minnesota series

Dave O'Brien talked to John Farrell before the end of the Twins series. The Sox skipper said that Big Papi's success is no surprise given his work ethic.

John Farrell postgame press conference

John Farrell postgame press conference

Ed Olczyk, NBC Sports: "S…

Ed Olczyk, NBC Sports: "Surprised" by amount of goals in series so far

Eddie Olczyk joins the show to discuss the Bruins Rangers series and what to expect with Game 3 back in NY. He also talks about Seguin's inconsistency and the role of Jaromir Jagr.

Kenny Albert, NY Rangers PBP: Previews Game 3

Kenny Albert joins Mut and Merloni to discuss the play of Henrik Lundqvist, changes John Torterella may make before tonight's game, and if home ice advantage will make a difference.

Elliotte Friedman of CBC on the Bruins dominance of the Rangers

Elliotte Friedman joined the show to discuss the Bruins domination of the series thus far. He said that while nothing is certain he cannot see a way in which the Rangers come back and win the series.

Elliotte Friedman of CBC …

Elliotte Friedman of CBC on the Bruins dominance of the Rangers

Elliotte Friedman joined the show to discuss the Bruins domination of the series thus far. He said that while nothing is certain he cannot see a way in which the Rangers come back and win the series.

Steve Zipay of Newsday on the Rangers

Steve joined the show to discuss the Rangers and their coach John Tortorella. Steve said that the Bruins have been the far better team thus far in the series.

Can the Rangers turn things around?

Kirk and Gerry talked about game three tonight at Madison Square Garden between the Bruins and Rangers. Gerry and Kirk are not very confident in the ability of the Rangers to make this a series.

Ed Olczyk, NBC Sports: "S…

Ed Olczyk, NBC Sports: "Surprised" by amount of goals in series so far

Eddie Olczyk joins the show to discuss the Bruins Rangers series and what to expect with Game 3 back in NY. He also talks about Seguin's inconsistency and the role of Jaromir Jagr.

Kenny Albert, NY Rangers PBP: Previews Game 3

Kenny Albert joins Mut and Merloni to discuss the play of Henrik Lundqvist, changes John Torterella may make before tonight's game, and if home ice advantage will make a difference.

Mut Vs. Salk on NESN Daily

Find out which WEEI host came out victorious in the latest Salk Vs. Mut battle.

Full tilt, full time. New…

Full tilt, full time. Newest inductee to the Patriots Hall of Fame Tedy Bruschi with Salk and Holley

We talk to #54 about his career and well deserved induction to the Patriots Hall of Fame.

Salk and Holley's Four (or Five) at Four - 05/21/13

We tackle four off-topic topics! Today including RGIII's wedding registry, Tiger Woods, new putters in golf and more.

Barry Melrose: Sit the injured veteran defensemen until you need them, until you lose

We check in with ESPN's great hockey analyst and former NHL coach Barry Melrose to get his take on this Bruins-Rangers series. We also ask the coach in him how he'd deal with the great play of the rookie defensemen when the vets get healthy... and his answer might surprise you.

Daily Planet Tuesday May …

Daily Planet Tuesday May 21st

The Bruins look to take a 3-0 series lead, Jon Lester gets his first loss, Dwight Howard has options in free agency.

Daily Planet Monday May 20th

Today on the Daily Planet the Bruins have a 2-0 lead over the New york Rangers, the Red Sox are back on the winning sde of things, and the noteable birthdays of the day.

Daily Planet Thursday May 9th

The Bruins have almost finished raking the Leafs, the Red Sox struggle from the mound, Miami Heat fans show their level of class.

Salk and Holley's Miked U…

Salk and Holley's Miked Up and Answer the Question - 05/21/13

They're like a ray of morning sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day.

Salk and Holley's Miked Up and Answer the Question 05/21/13

....uhhhh.....a bunch of bombs over there....

Salk and Holley's Miked Up and Answer the Question - 05/17/13

Sounds like a prostate exam to me!

Linda calls in to describ…

Linda calls in to describe the scene on Dexter St in Watertown

Linda explains how the shootout transpired in Watertown during the early morning hours. She saw the first suspect mortally wounded and police beginning the manhunt for the second suspect.

More from this show

Boston bombing hero Jeff …

Boston bombing hero Jeff Bauman: "He's dead and I'm still here"

Jeff Bauman, a victim of the Boston Marathon bombing, joined the show to give the guys an update of his condition and a first-hand account of that terrible day. Jeff told the guys how he wrote the description of the bomber as soon as he could. Mr. Bauman added that he is aided every day with the knowledge that he is alive and the terrorist that detonated the bomb is dead.

More from this show

Shawn Thornton on the Bru…

Shawn Thornton on the Bruins game 2 win

Shawn joined the show to discuss the teams great performance in game two against the Rangers. Shawn said that he wouldn't mind playing for John Tortorella because he seems like a funny guy.

More from this show

Minor Details Ep. 49: Man…

Minor Details Ep. 49: Managerial development with Torey Lovullo and Arnie Beyeler

By and large, the focus of development in the minor leagues is on players. Still, there is a developmental path for coaches and managers in the farm system, as is evident from the fact that the previous two managers of the Red Sox' Triple-A affiliate in Pawtucket -- Torey Lovullo (2010) and Arnie Beyeler (2011-12) are now both on the Red Sox' big league coaching staff. They share their insights about the differences between player and coaching expectations in Triple-A vs. the majors, while discussing professional development from the perspective of former minor league managers who aspire to similar positions in the big leagues.

More from this show

Buster Olney, ESPN: Ellsb…

Buster Olney, ESPN: Ellsbury play will hurt him in free agency

Buster Olney joins the show to discuss the muddled AL East, the average play of Ellsbury and how that will affect him in free agency, and Tropicana Field.

More from this show

Weei Writers