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About Jerry Thornton

Jerry Thornton is a standup comic who has been working the New England comedy club circuit since back when Tiger Woods was passing very dirty notes in grade school. He won the Boston Comedy Riot competition, appeared in HBO's "Curse of the Bambino," has written for Cold, Hard Football Facts.com and is a frequent co-host of the Planet Mikey Show. Jerry also can be read daily on BarstoolSports.com, writing under the very imaginative online pseudonym "Jerry Thornton."

 
COLUMNS
Jerry Thornton
02/01/2012 - 2:40am
Four years ago this week leading up to the Super Bowl That Shall Not Be Named, I published an article in the paper edition of Barstool Sports about how I hate the New York Giants, why I hate the
Jerry Thornton
01/18/2012 - 1:23am
“A mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.” -- Roman philosopher Seneca the Younger “Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but in a positive way.” -- Wedding Crashers Rule No. 6
Jerry Thornton
01/04/2012 - 1:36am
It turns out reports of the death of the Patriots Way were greatly exaggerated.
Jerry Thornton
12/21/2011 - 10:35am
One man’s annual countdown of the biggest miscreants, jerks, psychos, losers, mental defectives, morons, habitual criminal offenders, dirtbags and nitwits of the year: 10. The Miami Heat
Jerry Thornton
12/07/2011 - 1:11am
You know, you’d think that with us not being all that far removed from the days when Boston was “Loserville,” we’d all just be able to appreciate winning just for its own sake. That we wouldn’t worry about the manner in which we won or style points or any of that nonsense. That only the scoreboard would matter.
Jerry Thornton
11/23/2011 - 2:32am
It’s gone without saying all season that the Patriots pass defense hasn’t been very good. In fact since they came out of the gate, the Pats have been called the consensus worst defense in the NFL --  32nd in the league against the pass, 32nd in the league overall. 
Jerry Thornton
11/09/2011 - 1:26am
Despite the fact that I’m an unapologetic Patriots homer, I have to confess that like most people, I, too, am starting to have serious concerns about where this team is headed.
Jerry Thornton
10/25/2011 - 10:52pm
“Lost in the cacophony of the last few weeks is the fact that the Boston Red Sox remain one of the preeminent organizations in baseball, with an extremely bright future.
Jerry Thornton
10/14/2011 - 1:08pm
I've always considered there to be seven categories of pro sports athletic achievement. In ascending order of accomplishment: -- All-Star/Pro Bowler -- First Team All-Star/All-Pro -- League MVP -- Team Hall/Wall/Ring of Fame -- Hall of Famer -- Number Retired -- Statue Worthy
Jerry Thornton
09/28/2011 - 12:18am
The month of September has been one of the worst in recent memories for the Boston sports fan. The Red Sox are on the verge of what might end up being the worst late-season implosion in baseball history. The Patriots blew a 21-0 lead in Buffalo.
Jerry Thornton
09/14/2011 - 8:36pm
Shameless Patriots fanboy that I am, I have a Pats postgame routine that I follow. When they win a game, particularly when they win big the way they did Monday night in Miami, I stick around afterward and watch as much of the wrap-up and analysis as I possibly can.
Jerry Thornton
09/02/2011 - 10:50am
Let's start with a quiz. The category is Boston sports and the media.
Jerry Thornton
08/18/2011 - 12:23am
When it comes to women, every guy has a “type.” Greater minds than mine — from Aristotle to DaVinci to Hugh Hefner — have pondered the question “What is beauty?” and not come up with an objective answer. But there’s no question that different guys go for different things. I go for Kate Beckinsale. You like Kate Bosworth.
Jerry Thornton
08/04/2011 - 10:44pm
New Patriots defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth is one of those players you could describe by saying (spins the cliché wheel): “His troubles are well documented.” At least I can say it because I spend a good chunk of time last year documenting them. Well, I hope.
Jerry Thornton
07/20/2011 - 12:55am
Confession time. I’m sure those of you who’ve read my column before, heard me on WEEI and watched the Fanthropology videos I’ve done for this site just naturally assume I’m about the most suave, sophisticated guy in Boston.
Jerry Thornton
07/06/2011 - 9:31am
Let's be honest: Sportswise, this isn't shaping up to be the best summer ever. Maybe it's just the post-Stanley Cup hangover talking. Moving past the hockey season is proving to be one of those half-a-bottle-of-Bayer-plus-some-hair-of-the-dog brain killer.
Jerry Thornton
06/29/2011 - 11:00am
Without a doubt, “tradition” is one of the most grossly overused words in the English language. We use it to describe everything from the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns to the mayor of Punxsutawny pulling a giant rat out of the ground every February 2nd.
Jerry Thornton
06/22/2011 - 12:28am
“Boston loves a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Bostonians play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed ... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Massholes.” --Patton (edited somewhat by me)
Jerry Thornton
06/07/2011 - 11:57pm
That peculiar sound you’ve been hearing the last month-and-a-half or so has been the anguished sound of a generation of Boston sports media having to re-acquaint themselves with how to pay attention to the Bruins. It’s been a great disturbance in the Force. As if dozens of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced into writing Bruins game reports.
Jerry Thornton
05/25/2011 - 8:54am
Like I’ve admitted here before, I’m new to this business of being all wrapped up in the Bruins. Or to put it more accurately, I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of Bostonians who followed the Bruins closely but eventually jumped ship.
Jerry Thornton
05/11/2011 - 12:33am
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the seminar. I’m handing out the information packet we’ll be using, so if you could just take one and pass the rest to person behind you, we can get started.
Jerry Thornton
04/27/2011 - 5:43am
Somehow, you just knew from the puck drop in Game 1 that “Bruins-Canadiens Part XXXIII: This Time, It's Personal” was going to come down to a Game 7. And while I have every hope and faith it's going to go well Wednesday night and the Bruins will move on, it's still worth pointing out that I'd rather be us than them.
Jerry Thornton
04/13/2011 - 12:56am
It’s rare in this life that you get to see the kind of justice we were treated to this week watching Manny Ramirez’ baseball career end in disgrace. There couldn’t be a more appropriate ending than to see him slink away from the game like the coward he is.
Jerry Thornton
04/05/2011 - 11:24pm
This is without a doubt my favorite four-week stretch of the year.
Jerry Thornton
03/30/2011 - 1:12am
“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll.


Audio On Demand

Peter King with Dale and …

Peter King with Dale and Holley

We check in with SI/MMQB's Peter King for his weekly take on the Patriots and all things NFL.

Patriots Coach Bill Belichick with Dale and Holley

We sit down with Bill Belichick on a Patriots Monday and get his take on a nail-biting win over the Jets, as well as his feelings on Peyton Manning breaking the NFL record for touchdowns.

Vince Wilfork with Dale and Holley

We check in with Big Vince on a Patriots Monday. Vince sounds like he's fighting a cold but swears he'll be good to go come Sunday. Vince tells Dale and Holley that their defense will have to be better if they expect to keep winning, especially against the ground game.

We Hate Dwyane Wade - Kir…

We Hate Dwyane Wade - Kirk Minihane Previews the Celtics

Kirk Minihane joins the We Hate Dwyane Wade Show to preview the upcoming Celtics season. Ben and Sam also discuss the Rajon Rondo/Jeff Green trade rumors and dabble in the classic NBA analytics debate.

NWOA Injury Report - Rajon Rondo

Dr Nick Leung for the Newton Wellesley Orthopedics Association joins Ben to talk about Rajon Rondo's broken hand.

We Hate Dwyane Wade - 10-1-14

The debut edition of the We Hate Dwyane Wade show. Ben and Sam preview the Celtics and talk about other summer news around the NBA.

Joe Castiglione wraps up …

Joe Castiglione wraps up the 2014 Red Sox Season with a Poem

Joe Castiglione does his annual wrap-up of the season by reading the poem by Bart Giamatti.

Mut and Bradford on the disappointing season for Jackie Bradley, Jr and Xander Bogaerts 9-28-14

Mut and Rob discuss the "kids" and the variety of young bodies the Red Sox called upon this season. Specifically, they look at Bogaerts and Bradley, Jr. and where things went wrong. They give their opinions on which one will right the ship next season.

Minor Details Ep. 101: Red Sox director of player development Ben Crockett on the state of the Red Sox system

Description: Red Sox farm director Ben Crockett looks back at the 2014 Red Sox prospect season by answering listener questions about a number of Red Sox prospects as well as broader issues and themes in the farm system.

Tony Marinaro from TSN 69…

Tony Marinaro from TSN 690 in Montreal yells about Bruins-Habs 10-17-14

The world's biggest Canadiens fan Tony Marinaro joins MFB after the Bruins and Tuukka Rask suffered another loss in Montreal.

Jack Edwards with Dale and Holley

We check in with NESN's Jack Edwards for a Bruins-Canadiens preview, live from French-Quebec.

Pierre McGuire, NBC: Bruins have had horrible early schedule. 10-16-14

Pierre McGuire joins MFB to analyze last night's Bruins-Red Wings game and preview tonight's game against the Canadiens. Pierre also offers his take on fighting in the NHL.

Headlines, Headlines, Hea…

Headlines, Headlines, Headlines: Monica Lewinsky joins Twitter 10-21-14

The top stories of the day as recounted by Kirk Minihane.

Oscar Pistorious sentenced to only 5 years in prison 10-21-14

The guys opened the show discussing the sentencing of Pistorious.

Tom Brady on Peyton Manning's touchdown record 10-20-14

Tom Brady discussed Peyton's record breaking night.

Rodney Harrison, NBC Spor…

Rodney Harrison, NBC Sports, "Bears have a sense of urgency," 10-21-14

Rodney talked about the Patriots difficult schedule ahead, Brandon Marshall being a leader for the Chicago Bears, Brandon Browner needing to get more playing time, and throws in his two cents about Peyton Manning being considered a "choke artist" if he doesn't win another ring.

Patriots have tough 6 game stretch ahead, 10-21-14

The heart of the schedule is afoot, and Christian thinks the Pats could go 2-4 over this stretch or possibly even 1-5.

Christian's Top 5 Coaches in the NFL, 10-20-14

Christian talks about his Top 5 coaches in the NFL.

MMQB's Peter King: Jets a…

MMQB's Peter King: Jets ability to gash the Patriots on the ground should be concerning

We check in with SI/MMQB's Peter King for his weekly take on the Patriots and all things NFL.

Contrarian Patriot analysts will never admit when they've been wrong

Michael and Dale talk Patriots, and Michael has some strong words for those who are ignoring history and what they've seen in favor of continuing a pessimistic and fatalistic view/agenda of the Patriots.

Dale and Holley's Four at Four - Brady vs Manning Definitive Answer Edition 10-21-14

We tackle four topics that will decide once and for all who the best is between Brady and Manning.

10 Years since the Red So…

10 Years since the Red Sox began their comeback and eventual World Series Championship

Mikey, Villani and Lenny are talking about the 2004 Red Sox on the anniversary of Game 4 of the ALCS with Dave Roberts steal abd Bill Mueller driving him in and what it was like to witness.

The Patriots record during the regular season and Super Bowl

Mikey, Mut and Lenny are talking about the Patriots and how they have stacked up through the years and what got them to the three championships and five Super Bowl appearances in the Brady-Belichick era.

Bill Belichick and the Patriots Draft History

Mikey and Mut take a call from someone who wants to criticize Belichick the GM and his history of drafting players and making moves in the draft.

Sausage and Curtis fight …

Sausage and Curtis fight back 10-21-14

The Dennis & Callahan Show producers fight back.

D&C's Breaking Balls: The Proust Questionnaire and our producers suck 10-21-14

On this edition of Breaking Balls, Dino, Gerry and Kirk discuss their producers' performance and take the Proust Questionnaire.

The Fantasy Football Hour with Jim Hackett and Pete Davidson - Week 7, 10-19-14

This week Pete gives the listeners a brief, but enthusiastic history lesson the ineptitude of the New York Jets. They also help you set your final rosters for your Week 7 fantasy teams.

Tom Brady on Peyton Manni…

Tom Brady on Peyton Manning's touchdown record 10-20-14

Tom Brady discussed Peyton's record breaking night.

More from this show

Tim Hasselbeck on Manning…

Tedy Bruschi: I recognize…

Tedy Bruschi: I recognize the greatest of Manning, but I'm still going with Tom

Full Tilt, Full Time #54 Tedy Bruschi talks to Dale and Holley about a record breaking night for Peyton Manning, and a tough win for the Patriots this past Thursday.

More from this show

Bill Belichick (wryly): I…

Bill Belichick (wryly): It's comforting to know Manning has thrown more TD's against us than anyone

We sit down with Bill Belichick on a Patriots Monday and get his take on a nail-biting win over the Jets, as well as his feelings on Peyton Manning breaking the NFL record for touchdowns.

More from this show

D&C's Breaking Balls: The…

D&C's Breaking Balls: The Proust Questionnaire and our producers suck 10-21-14

On this edition of Breaking Balls, Dino, Gerry and Kirk discuss their producers' performance and take the Proust Questionnaire.

More from this show

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