Larry Brown Sports — Bernard Pollard is a self-proclaimed nudist. During his weekly spot for The Tennesseean — known as “The Pollard Show” — on Wednesday, the Tennessee Titans defensive back was asked if he has any pregame superstitions. For Pollard, any rituals he has basically come down to not wearing clothes. “When I get into the facility, I’ll go get in the hot tub, shower, then go to my locker and just sit in my jock strap,” he explained. “I’ll put my jersey on my shoulder pads — everything’s ready to go, but I just sit. … In Baltimore, all the guys would time me on how long I was naked or in a jock. I think it got up to 38 minutes on time. I’m a nudist.”
This is sort of ironic because just this week on Dale & Holley we were talking about superstitions. And we mentioned the usual: the SI cover jinx, the Madden cover jinx, the harmless ones everybody does like you’re sitting in a certain spot on the couch and your team starts rallying so you try not to move, etc. I personally like it when baseball play-by-play guys try not to use the term “no-hitter” because it’s sort of a tradition. But really, when it came right down to it, I realized there is one thing and one thing only I believe in and that’s this: Bernard Pollard is bad luck for New England.
I mean, this thing is real. Tom Brady has missed a total of 15 games due to injury in his unparalleled career, all at the shoulder pads of Bernard Pollard when he was with Kansas City. Who took Rob Gronkowski‘s ankle out in 2011, leaving him hobbled for the Super Bowl the Pats eventually lost? Pollard, with Baltimore. Even when he doesn’t come in contact with Patriots he takes them out. With Houston in the last game of the ’09 season he blew Wes Welker‘s knee out, just with telepathy. He’s the Typhoid Mary of Patriots lower leg injuries. But just to demonstrate he’s not a specialist — that he’s got some versatility to his injury game — he KO’d Stevan Ridley in the AFC championship game with a hit to the helmet that set off car alarms on the other side of Route 1. This guy is such bad juju that for years I’ve been calling for Bill Belichick to sign him and just send him into exile someplace. I don’t care if it’s a Sandals resort and he stays there all year for free. I just want him out of the continental U.S. Literally the first thing I do now when the new schedule is released is check where Pollard is playing and see if the Pats are facing him. That’s how far inside my head this guy is. I should be charging him rent.
But if that wasn’t bad enough, now this? Now I have to add to my already debilitating phobia of this guy the one other major hangup I have: male nudity. My sainted Irish Catholic mom taught us to be mortally embarrassed by our bathing suit areas. And here is my worst nightmare talking about how he walks around the locker room all day: Sun’s out, buns out. Fantastic. Well, good luck to you, Bernard “Angel of Death” Pollard. Please just keep your exposed junk away from my football team before you injure someone with it. Thanks.