From the first moment I heard about Kim Kardashian supposedly getting robbed by five masked gunmen in Paris, my B.S. sonar started pinging like crazy. By the way, it’s the same truth detector I used to be right about Deflategate from Minute 1 and call shenanigans on Ryan Lochte’s little international incident in Rio. So I trust my own instincts here as well.
First of all, when you’re accusing someone of cooking up a huge lie, particularly one as elaborate as this, the natural reaction is to say, “What kind of a person would try to get away with such an insane story?” And, “Why would anyone lie about such a thing?” Well in this case, the answers are simple.
Kim Kardashian. And because she is Kim Kardashian.
If you think that anything that family does is on the level, in any way tied to reality or not concocted to boost publicity and make ignoramuses watch their terrible TV shows, you are a child. Hell, I didn’t even believe the whole Kayne West/Taylor Swift “feud” from this past summer because it was too perfectly scripted to be anything but a ploy for ratings.
As is this “robbery” story, which reads like Act I of a crime caper movie. Masked men. Who happen to know exactly what they’re after. Kim traveling with tons of jewelry. The robbers bind and gag her for a little touch of “50 Shades.” Of course, no one is hurt. Just “shaken.” And it’s Paris, so we get the mental picture of the Champs-Elysees and the Eiffel Tower out every window and probably mimes pedaling bikes past the building with loaves of bread in the basket.
And let’s not forget that Kanye just happened to be live on stage when the call comes and he gets to tell the crowd he’s “got a family emergency.” The whole thing is so perfectly laid out and timed to the season premiere of that used diaper of a TV show that it stinks to high heaven.
If I haven’t made it clear by now, to me the Kardashians are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with America. I’ve said before and I’ll say again, while I pray every day we never get attacked again, if it should happen, I want the terrorists to say it’s because they watch our television. And they’ve declared war on us to stop the “Toddlers & Tiaras,” the “Real Housewives of …,” “Teen Mom” and most of all, this lying, scheming, enabled brood of self-absorbed, narcissistic publicity whores and the criminal mastermind in charge of the whole operation, Ryan Seacrest.
I could be wrong about this. (Spoiler alert: I am not wrong about this.) And if I am, it will not change the way I despise these empty-headed, spoiled twits one iota. They are the worst. And when this gets exposed, remember where you heard it first.