Let me see if I can translate Chris Simms’ argument from its original Simmsian into English:
Tom Brady was awesome last week. But the Browns suck. Anyone could have thrown for 400 yards. Brady is just a system quarterback. Brady is the Man. I am talking about him. Everyone please stop talking about him.
My Simmsian is pretty rusty since, like most Americans, I’m watching way less pro football than I used to. So I’m less immersed in the illogical ramblings of this Patriots-hating sock puppet or his clueless, barely articulate NFL-apologist father, Phil. But I think I’ve got the gist of it.
I now group Patriots haters into categories. They are either in the “Bill Belichick is only good because of Brady” camp, or live by the creed of “Brady is only good because of Belichick.” Personally, I’d like to pair them all off so they can settle the debate amongst themselves. Then put them on wooden boats, push them out to sea, then give them all a Viking funeral with a flaming arrow and rid my world of them once and for all. But since maritime law frowns on that, instead I’ll just continue to identify the two species like a zoologist tagging wildlife.
Chris Simms has identified himself as a “Brady is only good because of Belichick” clown. Anyone could have dropped 400 yards running the Patriots’ system. That’s good to know. So, in other words, if back at the 2000 draft, if the late, blessed, Dick Rehbein hadn’t stood up in the Patriots war room and famously advocated they draft Brady and they went with the next quarterback on the board, Todd Husak, (two career completions for -2 yards), there still would be four Lombardi trophies in the Patriots museum.
Got it. Being the Patriots quarterback doesn’t require talent, preparation, hard work, mental and physical toughness and year-round dedication. You can just slap a uniform on anyone and drop him in there the way record producers put Greg Brady in the Johnny Bravo costume and he’ll succeed.
Even an NFL washout like Chris Simms, I guess. Oh, right. He was in the Patriots system as a training camp assistant but couldn’t hack it. Though I’m sure that has nothing to do with his level of hatred for the organization and the quarterback. I’d say more, but Simms doesn’t want anyone talking about Tom Brady. Except for him.
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