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TSG An “erratic” Ohio man who was “acting like a gorilla” and “masturbating on the sidewalk” is facing a disorderly conduct charge, according to police.

Responding to 911 calls about a pair of “white males running around the lot taking off their clothes,” Warren City Police Department cops Friday morning encountered Timothy Cook, 32, who reportedly had been “growling and punching the cement.”

Cook, a witness told officers, had entered a state motor vehicles office and began waving his arms around. He then exited the building and “began masturbating on the sidewalk,” according to a police report.

When a cop subsequently approached Cook, the suspect was sweating profusely and “acting like a gorilla.” Cook, an officer noted, was “squatting on all fours, punching the blacktop and jumping up and down screaming noncoherently.” …

Cook was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.

I’m glad The Smoking Gun included the reference to the dear, departed Harambe. Because if it didn’t, I would. This is what the Cincinnati Zoo didn’t take into account when it told everyone to stop making Harambe references and shut down its Twitter account in frustration. We all mourn in different ways.

Some of us create memes, sell T-shirts or write blogs, while others drown their pain in booze and pills, make a scene in a government office, pound our fists into the pavement and then masturbate. Now, technically I suppose you could argue that my boy Timothy Cook was in fact acting like a different ape — bonobos are particularly fond of pleasuring themselves and don’t care who’s watching — but I’m going with the police account that he was going gorilla on everyone. And that it was the grief of dealing with Harambe’s untimely demise that was his trigger.

It could happen to the best of us, so let’s try to offer Timothy some understanding and support in this rough time for us all. If he’s guilty of anything, it’s loving Harambe too much.

P.S. The “… while intoxicated” at the end of that excerpt is one of the most unnecessary phrases ever included in a news story.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
NESN has hired a new anchor who has a history dating pro players. With the trend of that happening in Boston the last few years, does NESN need to keep an eye on Kacie McDonnell?
Now that center Bryan Stork has been cut, should we be concerned with the Patriots O-Line? Glenn, Lou and Christian talk about the Patriots O-Line and how Jimmy G will handle it in the first 4 weeks.
Sam Kennedy of the Red Sox calls in to talk to the guys about the proposed renovations at Fenway Park and if Jonathan Papelbon will ever sign.

[0:02:12] ... yeah. Violence and it sounds like today he's he's an athlete in high school and can never know. It's it is it is not a problem any extra implement our budget so hopefully. They nearly get ...
[0:04:45] ... keep contributing in no way they have. Especially over this. Fairly typical road trip where it was teams played really well. So how much politics goes on with Derek as you know you have this this ...
[0:07:17] ... dimensions are going to change with some flexibility. To facilitate. Soccer. And college football and tell us. Yes you know it's done it's something that we has studied when we got your 2002. Week. And the ...
[0:08:21] ... perspective. We are looking at a removable wall. Techniques we host a college football again in the future in soccer matches in the future we have a law useful little bit more space. That would be ...






Clay Buchholz, after another good outing, is making a case to be part of the rotation for the rest of the season. Glenn, Lou and Christian get into who will be the odd man out in the rotation and if Buchholz is suited for the 8th inning.
Tim Tebow's MLB workout is apparently going to have scouts from many MLB teams, and the guys still can't believe that he's getting this much attention for a sport he has no chance to play.
Minihane, Callahan and Mutnansky dive further into the Brady - Belichick dynamic as Tom's four-game suspension gets closer.
Gerry, Kirk, and Mut take NY Giants coach Ben McAdoo and SI writer Peter King to task for not addressing the Josh Brown domestic violence story.
Kirk and Callahan with Mut discuss the Tom Brady and Bill Belichick pressers from Tuesday and whether they reveal signs of a rift between the coach and QB.

I’ll confess that I’m not the world’s foremost authority on Li’l Dicky’s work. I know that he’s got the nerdy, frail, white guy comedy rapper market on lock. But to be fair, there’s not a hell of a lot of competition. And I’m really not sure what’s being accomplished with putting him in a motion capture suit in front of a green screen and having him try to cover Rob Gronkowski.

Your guess is as good as mine, but it seems like EA Sports is going to make a character out of him to promote Madden 17. And if that’s the case, I want in. If they’re going to give any geeky, undersized entertainer an avatar and have him defend Gronk, by all rights it ought to be the man who’s written a million Gronk-themed blogs and rocked them all. Not some rapper. Life is unfair.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton