I would have ended the day on the Earth shaking news that Netflix has dropped a teaser trailer for Season Two of “Stranger Things.” But it’s really nothing more than the opening title card with some random phrases that are probably the names of episodes or something. So instead, I’ll pivot to this Winona Ryder spoof from Funny or Die. While I object to the idea she overacted in Season One – she was amazing and if she doesn’t get an Emmy they should just stop giving them away – this is still pretty funny. Hopefully the show runners will get the new season out quickly without sacrificing quality because my alphabet wall with all the Christmas lights is almost ready.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

This is the third of the “[Expletive] Pats Fans Say” videos I’ve been fortunate enough to take part in. Nick “Fitzy” Stevens, George “The Other Guy in Those Pats Fans Videos” Kippenhan and Geoff “The Director” Stevens not only do brilliant work with this series, they are great guys and I’m honored to be buds with them. Thanks, lads.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Dave Dombrowski said the Red Sox weren't going to rush out to sign Tebow after his baseball workout yesterday. Lou and Christian talk about how obviously bad Tebow would be in the MLB and why this is just a stunt.

 

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While everyone at WEEI was doing their share Tuesday to put a $3.5 million boot in cancer’s ass at the NESN-WEEI Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon (take a bow, everyone who gave of themselves by donating), Tom Brady was giving a press conference in which he unveiled a new haircut. And of course, the Internet was not going to let a monumental development like that go unnoticed. Let a Tony Romo get injured or a Colin Kaepernick betray his country and nobody panics, because it’s all part of the plan. But let one little four-time Super Bowl champion part his hair on the side, and everyone loses their minds.

The reaction pretty much runs the gamut from calling Brady’s new moss the “Megyn Kelly” (see above), to all sorts of school references (see below). And were it on the head of any other quarterback, I might say it looks like the ‘do on the Yuppie douchebag comic foil in every ’80s movie from Bryce in “Scrooged” to Harry Ellis in “Die Hard.”

But this is not any other quarterback. This is the fashion-forward, perfectly groomed and always on point greatest of all time. So I’ll just call this new lettuce he’s sporting “The G.O.A.T.”

The Twittersphere disagrees, though:

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Dont'a Hightower calls in to talk to Lou and Christian about stepping up in the Patriots locker room, how his new locker means he's following the footsteps of some big names, and how the Patriots defense is shaping up heading into the season.

[0:02:51] ... which are out sick every day. Cannot figure rendered it. You know Bill Belichick last week talked about the note the lack of important really gained three kind of downplayed pre season game three people hyping ...
[0:03:38] ... different though our program you're not compete. Were you surprised how bad Cam Newton wasn't he was he was he like to dethrone the fans in the stadium it was a duel. There was a great ...
[0:04:51] ... They they put to Hanoi it draws males old locker which was Willie McGinest old locker which is right next Tedy Bruschi is old locker which is right by the door. I mean it when that happened. Where you like oh. Whether trying to ...
[0:07:53] ... the most valuable. I mean as far as as far as the Bill Belichick way of developing ATM machines irregular. You know we do here is suitable exit right. And there's agreement Collins and you'll I ...






LaGarrette Blount calls in to talk to Lou and Christian about the end of the preseason, what the locker room is like during these cut-periods, and the overall feel of the Patriots offense heading into the season.

[0:00:54] ... quantum TV. And Internet exclusively. From Verizon the Garrett as far as pre season games go. And I was missing game number three but is that the closest thing that gets you ready for Arizona on the ...
[0:02:24] ... parliament debate and make sure everything that we do work Spittler. Yeah bear arms Corbett ordered urban Nuremberg is Gibbs you know so a lot of them clintons are so. Number they do Greg Jarvis and I'm not also for lack. You know. Anything to prove an armed as normal are there too arcane though Tom Robertson in plague America and our hearts. No it's curious what was it like just to see Tom Brady actually be out there on the sinner in you know in that huddle finally here and pre season game. I mean there's ...
[0:03:24] ... The whole Colin Capp critic situation with him sitting down during the National Anthem. We do let's talk about that at all IDs what you do you feel about the way collar capita is handling the ...





Angry Lou is back, and he's pissed off at how John Farrell has set up his bullpen. Who pitches the 8th? What's everyone's role? No one knows!

[0:01:41] ... it yeah usually give us a good hitters will do that sometimes Miguel Cabrera or even Manny Ramirez. In a situation where the team shouldn't pitch to them they'll look awful on the first two pitches ...
[0:03:29] ... of it. Nobody knows the damn thing what's going on out there Matt Barnes Matt Barnes labeled the eighth inning guy he was labeled hate hitting guy can get columns pit stop and you make a full load Detroit right we'll bring it does now it's a ball Matt Barnes late inning guy you know it pitch. Talk against the dollar. So Matt Barnes hate getting guys know me times you keep getting guys and then. Once the next day he came in in Detroit. Gave ...
[0:07:30] ... no clue what I'm doing. Friday morning in Detroit. In pregame me. John Farrell pretty much said that you know because of what happened. On Thursday Matt Barnes late inning guy wouldn't given every opportunity. He gave in two thirds of an inning that night. And that was it so ...
[0:15:53] ... you or strike you swing the bat okayed it but. And a Aaron Hill and brought cold ease and blue team moving on raw field as well. You're at the point now we just saying yeah ...






Lou and Christian talk about what Brady has to avoid doing while he's suspended for the first four games. He can't go to the games, he can't talk football with teammates. What can he do?

[0:00:49] ... Oakland roadways not get a load we Maloney and Fauria flew Maloney Christian Fauria we are the M efforts here Fenway Park get you ready for game time suction race. At 135. Who got their own doing not only do you going to be. Before you know the big game big game for the Sox will get it to the Sox a little bit later on but Tom Brady. Do what he's gonna be doing during his break what can I can't Cuba first Tom Brady spoke to the media but what is plans during his suspension. While pretty positive so nominees he stays the best way I ...
[0:03:58] ... in the stadium. But he's like a big poster out this is Tom Brady looked over this guy's not allowed Arizona now a place he can't go to any Q ten news conferences. Are ridiculous that ...
[0:04:35] ... cut by the patriots. Polish some wide receivers they want dynamic there's Wes Welker. So we can do things like that. He's got a goal bananas. He's gonna go crazy. There's he's gonna whip what is ...
[0:10:11] ... hurt him the most the one thing about Brady and Peyton and Drew Brees and all the great ones that. You don't put too because they will kill you if you blitz them because they know ...






Lou and Christian are back after a couple great days of the WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon, and they have a lot of Patriots news to react to. They talk about their confidence in Garoppolo and how they feel about those first four games.

[0:03:06] ... they expected to see him to jump in and in looked like Tom Brady but he didn't look good he took a huge step back. And now they're almost seems to be like this like panic ...
[0:05:56] ... between breaking down and and being mobile making things happen like maybe Ben Roethlisberger. Who's gonna put some dirt in his spikes. And all and then may be what we saw the other day of gay ...
[0:07:22] ... he's used to doing which is running. In the whole thing that Ben Roethlisberger does it Tom breed that maybe you don't appreciate. What we've been talking about especially. Order way with his mobility no he's ...
[0:09:57] ... they can for no easy and you just really just reading what Tom Brady is what it. And and that's that that's what's about to Regis how much better Brady is how much pop far away. ...







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WYFF, South CarolinaResidents of a Greenville County apartment complex say clowns have tried to lure their children into the woods with large amounts of money, and deputies have released the report Monday in connection to the claims. …

A woman told the deputy that her son told her that he saw several clowns in the woods “whispering and making strange noises” [and]  flashing green laser lights before they ran away.  The woman’s older son told the deputy that he heard chains and banging on the front door of their home on the night of Aug. 20. …

Another resident told the deputy that when she was walking to her home on Aug. 21 at about 2:30 a.m., she saw a large clown with a “blinking nose” standing under lamp post near a dumpster. She said the clown waved at her, but did not approach her or speak.

The deputy said other children told him that several clowns appeared in the woods and tried entice them into the woods by showing them large amounts of cash.  The children said they think the clowns live in a house near a pond at the end of a trail in the woods.

I’ll start with a little insider-blogging for you all. It’s taken me longer to write this than anything I’ve ever posted. Because after reading the news story, I had to spend a few hours curled up in the fetal position in a corner of my bedroom, sucking my thumb and sobbing uncontrollably. But I’ll finish this thing because it’s my duty.

Suffice to say that after this, I no longer fear death, because there are things in this life that are worse. Much, much worse. Chief among them is a pack of whispering, chain-rattling clowns with laser pointers and blinking ties, living in a house near a pond at the end of a trail in the woods, luring kids with cash, knocking on doors in the middle of the night and silently waving at ladies while they stand next to dumpsters. Nothing could be worse than that. I would welcome the sweet, peaceful release of death before I’d ever be able to live near a forest crawling with child-napping sadistic clowns.

I mean, way to check every box on my “Nightmare Fuel” list, Greenville. As if your garden-variety kid party clown isn’t creepy enough. These South Carolina Forest Clowns are right out of the deepest recesses my subconscious. Every phobia I have, all rolled into one terrifying package, right down to the “Scary Hillbilly” archetype. They make Pennywise sound like Krusty the Klown. And he not only came from Stephen King’s darkest drug phase, “It” scared me so much I carry an irrational fear of pronouns.

My advice to anyone living on the edge of this Hell on Earth is to get the hell out of there. Get as far away as possible from Clown Woods, call in the National Guard and have them level the place with napalm and send these clowns back to the demon dimension from which they came. Yes, the people currently chained up in that cabin by the lake will die, too, but they’ll thank you for it.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton