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News.comRoberto Esquivel Cabrera has just set a world record for having the longest penis.

The 52-year-old Mexican measured in at a whopping 18.9 inches (48.2cm), with a tip circumference of 10 inches (25cm), at certification by World Record Academy officials yesterday. …

The World Record Academy stepped in after Mr Cabrera shared his story with a local journalist in an interview that was picked up by the world press over the weekend.

He told how his massive member had ruined his life, preventing him from having a relationship and even getting a job.

“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees,” Mr Cabrera said.

“I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support.”

Women were too frightened to have sex with him, so he had never had a long-term girlfriend, let alone a wife. …

In 2011 Mr Cabrera was deported from US to Saltillo in the north-eastern Mexican state of Coahuila, where he lives alone in a room given to him by his brothers. He survives on social assistance and scavenges for food and materials on waste dumps. He has no friends and says people “shun” him wherever he goes.

Let this serve as a cautionary tale to us all, fellas. Because this proves you just don’t know how the other half lives.

I confess when I hear about a guy like Roberto Cabrera, I’m envious. But there’s a reason that envy is one of the seven deadly sins. And that every religion from Christianity to Hinduism and every great philosopher from Aristotle to Emmanuel Kant warn against the dangers of allowing ourselves to be made unhappy by the good fortune of others.

I mean, here I’ve been all my life, feeling bad about my own shortcomings and dreamed of having what the good Lord gave our boy Roberto here. But I’ve never tried walking a mile in his boxer briefs. As it turns out having a massive penis isn’t all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Instead it’s celibacy, deportation, public assistance and living off the stuff other, regular-to-below-average-sized men throw away. Who knew?

There’s an old saying of uncertain origin that goes something like, “I complained because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet.” It’s a lesson we can all take to heart as we read Mr. Cabrera’s sad story today. I have always felt sorry for myself for having a small penis. Then I read about a man whose life has been ruined by his 19-inch wang and I laughed myself silly about it for hours.

Strangely though, in spite of everything, I think every guy out there still envies Roberto Cabrera.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

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Jerry Thornton
The guys discuss Kanye's ridiculous statements from last night's MTV VMA's, in which Kanye complained about how he's treated by everyone EXCEPT artists, and his announcement that he'll run for president in 2020.

[0:00:35] ... there up because I actually saw this live with attitude this is Kanye West at three from the studio with you're gonna focus on. The kind of last night at the via amazed I was scratching ...
[0:03:23] ... could it guess about this moment. I have decided. It 20/20. To run for president. OK okay listen here's the big would've liked. Anymore. Yeah but it it is a scary thing. If trump is a legitimate ...
[0:04:18] ... great two year old that's on your narratives are chairs get his wife beater on battles going on all those that allowed by his son's birthday is it to him and his friends people allowed them ...





Danny Amendola joined the show to talk about the addition of Reggie Wayne to the receiving group, the offensive tempo in game 3 of the preseason, and who is the most stylish in the locker room.

[0:06:01] ... get you guys you know forget it yet to drop below me Keiwan Ratliff enemies white ethnics animates hock it OK here goes on if you if you were to go if you had a broke. Brokeback Mountain moment. It's not the rail and that's good that I know I don't I want evidence of what you want the you ...
[0:07:10] ... Brady. It's usually I don't I don't and animate is like a Backstreet boy I mean he's got to be in front of the mirror for like two dollars. There's no doubt there's heard yelling at ...
[0:12:15] ... if it's. Oakland's what happened weight to a but when you brought Brokeback Mountain I think it was assumed that there would be relations. As you know physical contact okay it's our right is another you ...





Dont'a Hightower joined the show on a Patriots Monday. He spoke out the benefits of getting "calloused" as the season wears on, how he likes being on the outside because he can go after the QB, and his appreciate for how Rob Ninkovich climbed the Patriots ranks to become a starter.
CSNNE's Tom E. Curran was in court today for the entire 5 minute hearing. He breaks down which way he thinks Judge Berman is leaning, and what to expect in the next 24-48 hours.

[0:00:05] ... behind me. There will be no settlement in this late date between Tom Brady and Roger Goodell between the NFL PA. And the NFL and the judge announced from the bench. That he will rule on this case either tomorrow or the next day but definitely but buys this September 4 deadline. Hello this slide this Hala. Until the field. Not a truly if you Jay Feely is speaking right now. Down at the courthouse we'll do our best to finally get to see AJ Feeley who Tom Brady's teammate of Michigan you know meet kicked forever in the NFL. Also Roger Goodell. Had John Mara the president of the giants here and if from what we understand. The reports state that Mara was there with the NFL fear lose they would Brady and we're trying to orca settlement I have no idea why Brady brought his kicker. On and so because I don't. A tape we just solid team Maurice Smith the president of the NFL PA so Jay Feely has. Either. Does now or at some point Tom has some sort of role and Anna felt him maybe he was a ...
[0:01:37] ... it was indeed. I'm a member of the NFL BA's executive order vice president right now operated and suburban SUV Red Cross me reputed crime in America or anywhere right now well Gary you are. As some of the beat hailed on Mara increasingly is someone. We're rejection had previously requested be in all. Ryan worked with some part of the settlement arrangement and he had previously signaled that he would be or two they would respect. And just to give you a little bit of flavor from. The courtroom Tom Brady was much more upbeat not saying happy. A little bit more upbeat today and an elderly war. On August 12 when he ...




 

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First of all, I give Will Smith credit where it’s due for even making a movie like “Concussion.” I read an article a while back about how when he was breaking into films, he and his agent did the research on what makes a movie a success. And they found out that most of the top-grossing films ever made had common denominators like copious amounts of special effects, aliens, action and violence and so on. Which is why he’s always gravitated to scripts like “Men in Black,” “Independence Day” and even dreck like “After Earth.” So portraying the doctor who discovered the link between football and traumatic brain diseases is way outside his wheelhouse. Not to mention it probably won’t help his relationship with the NFL’s innumerable “broadcast partner” media outlets. So regardless of how good “Concussion” turns out to be, kudos to him for trying.

That said, Luke Wilson as Roger Goodell? Really? I’m a big Luke Wilson fan. And I don’t pigeonhole him into purely comedy roles because he’s done quality work in dramas like “3:10 to Yuma.” But that’s because the man has personality. He’s got charisma. Roger Goodell is the opposite of that. He’s an automaton. He has all the expressiveness of a store mannequin and the vocal inflection of Stephen Hawking’s keyboard. Why have an actor play him at all? I feel like the studio who made “Concussion” could have just saved Wilson’s salary and had Goodell played by CGI like Jar Jar Binks.

So if Luke Wilson is able to breathe any life into the role — if he’s able to make Goodell seem human — we ought to just skip the Best Supporting Actor Oscar nominations and hand it to him.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

NY Daily NewsPortland police are pursuing a prolific public pooper who has been spotted doing his doody outside the same office building several times this month.

Oregon’s mystery defecator was caught on camera excreting outside the building, with toilet paper in hand, so many times a business owner spread fliers around the city asking for help catching the “Portland Pooper,” KOIN reported.

After word of the pooper leaked, police identified the man as a criminal suspect who could get charges for offensive littering and disorderly conduct dumped on him if he’s caught.

Grossed-out locals noted that the pooper comes prepared to each of his crimes.

“I find it interesting that he has toilet paper with him, it’s very pre-planned,” Catrina Salazar, who works at the Phix Hair Studio near the fouled-up office, told KOIN. …

[P]olice have not determined how many times the pooper has pooped at the same spot, or if his pooping has spread elsewhere.

You might have heard this story on Dennis & Callahan’s Headlines segment Monday morning. As soon as the guys mentioned it, I offered my thoughts and prayers are with the good people of Oregon and the members of the Portland law enforcement community. Because I know what they are going through.

If you remember a few months ago, our WEEI studio also was terrorized by a Mad Pooper, who left his sewer trout all over the handicapped stall in our men’s room. I vowed at the time that I would crack the case. I was determined to get to the bottom of it. Promised myself that I would not rest until brought the poop perp to justice. I felt I owed it to my co-workers to catch this monster brown-handed. But now, unfortunately, the trail that was warm then has grown cold and that finless brownfish-laying maniac is still at large.

And it haunts my every step. I can’t get over the feeling like he’s out there, mocking me. Every time I pass a stranger sitting in the courtyard outside the building I think it could be him, filling up on a big lunch to prepare for his next attack. The Entercom Mad Pooper is the Moriarty to my Sherlock Holmes. The John Doe to my Morgan Freeman. He’s my Rollo Tomasi from “L.A. Confidential”: The one that got away.

At least the citizens of Portland have a lead. That video is pretty detailed. Plus they have the weapon in question, so they can check the DNA data bank and cross-reference it against the Poop Offender Registry. Whereas in my case the crime scene had been sanitized, so there was no opportunity to dust for poop. All I ask is that when they catch the Portland Pooper, they give me five minutes alone in the interrogation room so I can try to link this cheeky devil to our crime. Then maybe the good people of Entercom can do their business in peace and comfort again.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
The word is out, as WEEI has chosen Glen Ordway as the new host of the 10-2 show, with Lou and Christian. The guys start the show talking about the news.

[0:01:07] ... O'Brien or sell well in this is the big go news like Tom Cruise Tom Cruise or Brad and addition they don't know. Don't know six much like me they bring us in we addition you know do. ...
[0:15:09] ... a little tidbit walking in Tom Brady walked it was Michigan teammate Jay Feely. Former kicker. He walked in liberate. I don't get that would work to I don't know I don't know that thing with ...
[0:17:19] ... big Dick Berman your talk that you are talk and off. But Big Dig these cyclists because you've got to make a decision. And you shouldn't need the giants owner or president to come in and do it for you. It's time way into the big uh oh. The Christian Fauria Malone will be back. ...





The word is out, as WEEI has chosen Glenn Ordway as the new host of the 10-2 show, with Lou and Christian. The guys start the show talking about the news.

[0:01:07] ... O'Brien or sell well in this is the big go news like Tom Cruise Tom Cruise or Brad and addition they don't know. Don't know six much like me they bring us in we addition you know do. ...
[0:15:09] ... a little tidbit walking in Tom Brady walked it was Michigan teammate Jay Feely. Former kicker. He walked in liberate. I don't get that would work to I don't know I don't know that thing with ...
[0:17:19] ... big Dick Berman your talk that you are talk and off. But Big Dig these cyclists because you've got to make a decision. And you shouldn't need the giants owner or president to come in and do it for you. It's time way into the big uh oh. The Christian Fauria Malone will be back. ...





 

 

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Just last week I was observing an Airing of the Grievances against John Harbaugh after he insisted that questioning the character of a notorious, family-abusing goon like Terrell Suggs is “crossing a line.” The list of knocks against Harbaugh is already a long one. He’s an unrepentant whiner. An over-the-top official baiter. An unabashed liar who has claimed repeatedly his organization knew nothing about Ray Rice‘s elevator violence and didn’t start Deflategate by colluding with the Colts. And he’s a world-class excuse-making sore loser who has blamed playoff losses to the Patriots on stadium clock mismanagement and legal formations he thought were illegal.

But now we can add to his curriculum vitae possibly the worst indictment of all: That he’s a fake tough guy.

How else do you explain his histrionics over the weekend? Look, football is lousy with plays where you think Opponents’ Player A took a cheap shot at Your Player B. It’s the nature of the sport and it happens literally every time rough men put on pads and fight each other for yards. But when was the last time you ever saw a coach at any level pull a stunt like coming all the way across the field to bark at the opposing coach? It never happens, because even the most insane crackpot in a profession filled with lunatics knows you simply don’t do that. But John Harbaugh does.

Then, not satisfied just to break every code of coaching conduct and common sense, he felt the need to double down by violating state anti-bullying statutes by going after the sideline reporter, who, by the way, was asking some pretty innocuous questions. To be clear, that reporter is a grown man and doesn’t deserve to have me worrying about his feelings. But Harbaugh’s arrogant, supercilious treatment of the guy was not only uncalled for, it was an embarrassment to the NFL.

Not that anything will come of it. For the thousandth time in my blogging career I find myself looking at a coach’s behavior and asking rhetorically, “What if Bill Belichick had pulled this?” The answer is the world would be calling him a monster and calling for his head. At the very least the Pats would lose draft picks and The Hooded One would be out a few hundred thousand dollars. But when John Harbaugh pulls stunts like this, it’s just another day at the office for the Raven lunatic.

@JerryThornton1

DraftKings Kick off this football season with the biggest fantasy football contest ever on DraftKings! Prizes worth $10 million are up for grabs, including $2 million for first AND $1 million for second! PLAY IN THE WEEK 1 MILLIONAIRE MAKER, CLICK HERE.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton