WisconsinA Greenfield couple called police to tell them they are being held hostage by their cat. …

“This is gonna sound like a strange question but we have a cat and it’s going crazy and it attacked my husband and we’re kind of hostage in our house and we’re just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat or help us,” said 911 caller.

The cat was captured and turned over to MADACC. No one was seriously hurt.

Laugh at this couple if you must, but they’ll get no such ridicule from me. You might question how a critter so small could terrorize two grown adult humans, but I understand that there is no limit to the evil that a cat is capable of. Those little buggers are monsters, every last one of them. Demonic entities in the body of a plush toy, outfitted with razor sharp weapons fore and aft. And they will stop at nothing if they’re hellbent on destroying you.

We’ve seen it time and time again. A dog will protect its master through anything. Stay with you when you’re injured. Fight off attacks from other animals. Even stay by your side for days after you die. If you croak with a cat around, you’ve got 24 hours at most before you are Tender Vittles.

So I can definitely sympathize with this couple who came under attack, looked into the soulless, infinite evil possessing those feline eyes and decided it was better to head to the panic room and call in the professionals to vanquish the furry little Satan. And if these two decide to replace the cat, they deserve the horrible, screaming death that awaits them.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
Boston Celtics select Jaylen Brown with No. 3 overall pick in the 2016 NBA Draft.
Picard gets to the root of the term "work ethic" as he skewers Fran Fraschella's analysis on Celtics draftee Ante Zizic.

[0:02:51] ... I have got to joke right like that that would that's like Saturday night live at NBA draft. The Celtics at number 23 overall at third first round pick of the night is this what I'm. There. That much. I ...
[0:05:21] ... shots on three straight possessions to help his Croatian team win the championship match toughness at a temperature of 104. That it was at all. Got average illness known to man and he caught me help ...
[0:06:23] ... that our work ethic on that he had a business. Honestly. A lemonade stand at. I want to buy every lemonade stand on this let's get right this is work ethic all right. Where at if you edit the draft and you dominate some ...





This is such a great concept that if I had the money, I would legitimately get to work on a start up. Get Offended could be the next Apple, Google or medicinal marijuana dispensary for 2016. An absolute can’t miss. “See an Internet video that you don’t think is funny? What are you gonna do? Stop watching and get on with your day? Now you can take any humorous situation and instantly ruin it with Get Offended.” Genius.

On the other hand, I probably shouldn’t be promoting the idea, since I earn my living on sports talk radio, which is basically the 20th century version of this. I had a guy call up this week screaming at me to shut up and said I physically made him shake with rage because I said I want more in return for the Celtics third overall pick than Gordon Haywood (five years in the NBA, zero All Star appearances). That special kind of person-to-person crazy keeps the lights on at WEEI and I probably shouldn’t want to replace it with any kind of technology. So in the meantime, keep the lunacy and the misplaced outrage to the phones and the comments section. I’ve got bills to pay.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton

 

 

 

 

The Internet can be a tough, unforgiving, difficult place. A blog-eat-blog world. But you have to respect the competition. Sometimes, you get bested by another blogger and if you’ve got any class at all, you’ve got to tip your keyboard to them. Such is the case today.

These series of posts is courtesy of the fine Masshole-Americans over at Off the Monster Sports. And I’ve got to give them all the credit in the world. My immediate reaction to the Cleveland Cavaliers Lebron James winning the NBA title was to acknowledge what a great player he is, but call him out for his rampant ego-maniacal narcissism for his insufferable answers to Doris Burke in the postgame. I intentionally stopped short of contrast his attitude with Tom Brady’s because I didn’t want to be accused of always bringing everything back to TB12. But these clips speak for themselves.

The Lebronies hate when you point this stuff out. Or make excuses for James’ out-of-control self-absorption by saying all great athletes are like that and he does deserve all the credit he gives himself. But here’s your proof of how wrong they are. Lebron exhausting his first person singular pronouns, Brady calling himself out for his two picks in a Super Bowl in which he went 13-for-15 with two touchdowns against the best defense of the decade, then immediately praising his teammates and giving his MVP truck away. Yin. Yang.

I’m man enough to point out when another blogger nailed it. But you still can’t spell King James without “I” and “me.”

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
The guys discuss what they all want from the Celtics on draft night. Christian pitches his hope for the Celtics to enter the Dragan era.
The guys discuss the premiere of Bill Simmon's new show on HBO, with Ben Affleck appearing to be drunk. They then discuss what would happen if they all went out drinking together.
Glenn, Lou, and Christian start the show talking about another Red Sox loss. Lou is forced to eat some crow as his favorite punching bag Hanley Ramirez finally shows some pop in his bat.

(NSFW, language)

This video of a ‘roided-out, tatted-up rage monkey screaming racist profanity at a group of people went viral earlier in the week. I didn’t post it because it’s more creepy and disturbing than entertaining.

But that was before this juiced-up ape spoke to British site The Tab to explain himself. His name is Zach Fisher, and he’d like you to know that while he might be an unstable, pig-ignorant moron, he’s no racist:

I just want people to know, dude, I love all colors. I’m no racist. I am who I am. There’s people out there of all colors that are horrible. Whites, browns, blacks, yellows out there, it doesn’t matter. It’s the color of your heart. … I just wish people could get over what happened back in the day, to Mexico or Blacks. That was back in the past, people don’t get over it and it sucks. I forgive and forget. A lot of people don’t.

Well, there you have it. Fisher might have screamed “Go cook my burrito, bitch!” with spittle flying out of his mouth to a group of Latinos, but that doesn’t make him a hater. He loves all colors. He’s not the worst kind of person, he’s more like a living, breathing Care Bear who only sees the color of your heart and is all about forgiveness. I’m glad we cleared that up. So thanks for opening up to us, Zach. And for setting my country back about 200 years.

Blog Author: 
Jerry Thornton
To nobody's surprise, Callahan awards Donald J. Trump the win for Wednesday's best speech as he goes after Hillary

[0:01:46] ... This is one of the abuse. A total. And self serving lie. Brian Williams career was destroyed. For saying yes just remember that. Hillary Clinton has perfected the politics of personal profit and even death. She ...
[0:02:38] ... ever became president. God help us. And I. That's what I big Mitt Romney to do we Mitt Romney ran against Obama admin. Who has more skeletons I mean is there and I don't think of abrupt Jeremiah Wright terrific sound ...
[0:04:19] ... that's true he wouldn't be pretty be worse. So this boom but Hillary Rodham Clinton. Reads a word that some post exposed to be Ret CNN anywhere in the news I did not I I between you ...
[0:06:25] ... has nothing to do with dale he didn't mention bill's Twitter. Blaming Dustin Pedroia and not the manager philosophy. As usual walkers talked him. It responds. Grow a pair Curtis you're never that got sustaining in ...