Men are purposely scheduling their vasectomies for March so they can watch college basketball in peace. (Fox Photos/Getty Images)
NY Post – Some college-basketball fanatics got vasectomies right before the March Madness tournament so they can take their time off for recovery during the TV hoops fest, a report said.
Men in Iowa used a clinic that sponsors a sports-radio show to schedule the procedure to coincide with the tourney, according to Iowa’s Gazette newspaper. ‘It seemed like a great combination because you’re supposed to be on the couch for a few days,’ said patient Tony Brokens.
A urologist at the Iowa Clinic said the first round of the tournament ‘represents that perfect three or four days that you need for recovery.’
I have to say, this is one of the greatest ideas I’ve ever heard. Just diabolical genius.
I mean, I wouldn’t recommend that any guy get his man parts fileted like a fish and his vas deferens snipped just in order to watch the basketball. I like the tournament as much as the next guy, but if the price of a four day weekend of uninterrupted hoops is growing old childless and unloved, you might want to rethink your priorities.
But if you’re getting the procedure done anyway, this is a perfect idea. If you’re a married guy, you know that you have zero chance of ever watching as many games as you did when you were single. There’s always going to be some relative to visit, something around the house that needs fixing, some crapfest about couples shopping for houses or someone saying “yes” to some dress or whatever, so you’re lucky if you can catch a couple of the 1-vs-16 matchups before she gets home from work on Thursday or maybe a two or three of the better third round games while she’s updating her Pinterest.
But a guy who’s had a vasectomy? He’s holding the Golden Ticket. Just carte blanche to sit and catch all the games he wants. To become more sofa than man. All because he took one for the team. And to think I wasted my opportunity in the summer, sweating on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my lap while the reasons for my operation were jumping all over me demanding I put on “Jimmy Neutron.”
I just wish I’d had the wisdom to think of this. But maybe I can come up with some other procedure I can get done just as an excuse to finally bingewatch the entire series run of “Friday Night Lights.” It’d be worth it.