Martin Jones is better than Tuukka Rask, according to someone, probably. (Aaron Doster/USA Today Sports)
This probably should have been written before the series started, but I didn’t think of it until now. As such, I started writing it during the National Anthem of Game 1 and here it is.
These days, advanced metrics, GIFs, line-matching data and more are available to help inform the opinions of sports fans, media and even coaches.
Yet because a lot of people grew up without these things, it’s still relatively common for them to go unignored out of either laziness or one’s desire to share a very forced opinion, or what the internet unflatteringly calls a “hot take.”
You hear takes every day, many of which are horrifyingly dumb: Shea Weber deserves a Norris because he’s never won one, one-time 20-goal-scorer Matt Beleskey is better than two-time 30-goal-scorer Loui Eriksson, the Blues lost because of Vladimir Tarasenko, John Farrell moving Jackie Bradley Jr. up in the lineup killed his hit streak, etc.
Many Bruins followers are torn as to whom they should root for in the Stanley Cup Final between the Sharks and Penguins. Either way, they’ll see a big-name former Bruin who receives a laughable lack of credit for their career win. From there, it’s tougher to decide, so it’s worth it to consider which scenario will bring about the dumbest takes and pick against that one. Here are some of them:
IF THE SHARKS WIN
– Firing the coach is the way to go. Always fire the coach. Call it “parting ways” if need be, but get him out of there.
– Martin Jones is better than Tuukka Rask, the latter of whom hasn’t done anything since getting a big contract (except win the Vezina).
[By the way, as of the first period, Jones had allowed as many goals in one period as Rask did in 14 periods against the Penguins in the 2013 Eastern Conference finals. Jones obviously had a better year, albeit with a far better team and against far fewer high-danger chances.]
– It is technically true that Joe Thornton did not thrive under Claude Julien during his time in Boston, and now he’s off winning the Stanley Cup. Just another reason as to why Julien should be canned.
– Logan Couture [presumably] led the playoffs in scoring. Do the Bruins really have a guy who can do that?
IF THE SHARKS LOSE
– There was no way they were going to win because they have Joe Thornton and Joe Thornton is never going to win the Stanley Cup hur durrrrr durrrr.
IF THE PENGUINS WIN
– Firing the coach is the way to go. Always fire the coach. Do it during the season. If you fire the coach during the season, you will win the Stanley Cup.
– If at all possible, have an unproven goalie. Do not have an elite goalie with a big contract. Usually, if you have an unproven goalie not making any money, you will win the Stanley Cup.
– Two-time Stanley Cup champion Sidney Crosby did not Lead The Team. Someone else did.
– Who won the Kessel trade?
– How many Cups would the Bruins have now if they hadn’t fired Mike Sullivan?*
*This is only a slightly dumb take. Sullivan was a really good coach in Boston and absolutely should not have been fired when he was.
IF THE PENGUINS LOSE
– Team USA knew what it was doing leaving Phil Kessel off its roster. He did not show the Grit that Team USA will undoubtedly bring. With more grit, the Penguins would have won. Matt Beleskey is better than Loui Eriksson.
– One-time Stanley Cup champion Sidney Crosby did not Lead The Team.